Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Film Review: DAGON (2001, Stuart Gordon)

Stars: 2 of 5.
Running Time: 95 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Ezra Godden (DREAMS IN THE WITCH HOUSE), Francisco Rabal (L'ECLISSE, VIRIDIANA). Directed by Stuart Gordon (REANIMATOR, DOLLS, FROM BEYOND, ROBOT JOX, STUCK, CASTLE FREAK, and a host of others.)
Tag-lines: None? No tag-line for a B-horror movie?!
Best one-liner(s): None. No good one-liners in a B-horror movie?!

The following is a work of fiction.

Hey, Stu. Yeah, it's me, Jeffrey Combs, your old buddy.
You may recognize some of your other friends behind me. We're sorry to show up on your doorstep like this, but... Look, we think you need to lay off the CGI.

No comment.

No, no, Stu, it's not an INTERVENTION, per se, think of it as some friendly advice. No, we don't think you're addicted! Don't get the wrong idea here. Easy, easy. Remember that movie you made, DAGON? It was based off of that really awesome H.P. Lovecraft story, "The Shadow Over Innsmouth." That is perhaps Lovecraft's most 'cinematic' work; it's suspenseful, thrilling, mysterious, and disturbing. Yeah, I know you like it. That's why you made the movie. You even got heavy hitters like (Bunuel and Antonioni-favorite) Francisco Rabal. No, I'm not still mad that you had to toss this fellow 'Ezra Godden' some work!

No, you're right, I can't star in everything you do. But now you're getting me off-track. DAGON could've been good. But you flushed it down the toilet with laughable CGI.

It's difficult to tell what the hell is going on in this shot because EVERYTHING IS CGI. That's a CGI pit with CGI tentacles emerging from the left to steal away the CGI sacrifice victim to the right while a CGI Ezra Godden looks on in the bottom right corner.

CGI is like the crack of special effects. Class it up a little. Do some old-school stop motion. People will respect you for it. You didn't need CGI for RE-ANIMATOR or DOLLS or ROBOT JOX. Why do you need to muck up DAGON with it? We're not accusing you of anything, Stu, just clean up the act a little. Thanks, man. Liked EDMOND a lot. Not just my part either. See ya.

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