Sean Gill's "Hello in There" in Word Riot

I have a new short story called "Hello in There," and it may be read online here in the September issue of Word Riot.

Film Review: DROP ZONE (1994, John Badham)

Stars: 3.5 of 5.
Running Time: 101 minutes.
Tag-line: "Something dangerous is in the air."
Notable Cast or Crew: Wesley Snipes (DEMOLITION MAN, BLADE), Gary Busey (SURVIVING THE GAME, LETHAL WEAPON), Yancy Butler (HARD TARGET, THE EX), Michael Jeter (THE FISHER KING, JURASSIC PARK III), Malcolm-Jamal Warner (THE COSBY SHOW, SONS OF ANARCHY), Grace Zabriskie (TWIN PEAKS, WILD AT HEART), Corin Nemec (TV's THE STAND, PARKER LEWIS CAN'T LOSE), Mickey Jones (TOTAL RECALL, EXTREME PREJUDICE), Kimberly Scott (THE ABYSS, BATMAN & ROBIN).  Music by Hans Zimmer (THE ROCK, BROKEN ARROW).  Directed by John Badham (SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER, WARGAMES, THE HARD WAY, SHORT CIRCUIT, BLUE THUNDER).
Best One-liner:  "God bless America!" [said by a lunatic Gary Busey––it's all in the enunciation]

DROP ZONE tells the tale of a risk-taking lawman who infiltrates a gang of sky-diving adrenaline junkies and thieves in order to bring them to justice.  You may recognize this as the plot of 1991's POINT BREAK, also co-starring Gary Busey.  Don't hold that against it.  DROP ZONE is simply a mediocre 90s action movie trying to make it's way in the world, but like so many of its misfit and forgotten brethren, when it hits its stride, it really hits its stride.  Here are a dozen of DROP ZONE's such "stride-hitting" moments.

 #1.  Gary Busey as a Poindexter.

He's the head of a corrupt ex-DEA sky-diving ring who robs government buildings, hijacks planes, and the like.  For this particular criminal maneuvering, he has adopted the costume and persona of a "Poindexter"-style nerd (with undertones of Buddy Holly!), who even draws attention to himself, pre-hijack, by explaining to the flight attendants how he's afraid of flying.  Nicely done, Mr. Busey.

#2.  This particular measure of Busey-related violence leads to the death of Wesley Snipes' in-movie brother, Malcolm-Jamal Warner.

He's around for about five minutes, and has "dead man walking" written all over him; he might as well be the cop who's got two days till retirement.  His death is spectacular––it involves Busey blasting open the side of an airplane, whereupon the air pressure sucks Malcolm-Jamal to the precipice, and despite Wesley Snipes' best efforts to melodramatically cling to his hand, he is sucked into the void while Wesley shouts "NOOOOOOOOO!"  Then the film, having threatened to turn into PASSENGER 57, returns to Earth and...

 #3. Let's talk about Wesley Snipes as "Nessip."  The quest for Malcolm-Jamal-related vengeance leads Mr. Snipes to infiltrate the sky-diving circuit so he can personally hunt down Gary Busey.

Because his role is more of the straight man, square-jawed hero, this leads to an uncharacteristically understated performance.  Don't expect DEMOLITION MAN or NEW JACK CITY levels of flamboyance here––you can tell he's a little frustrated with his role.  Perhaps because of this, the character is named "Nessip," which is an anagram of "Snipes."  Did Wesley request this personally?  Did having his own scrambled name in the mix somehow placate his ego?

#4.  Gary Busey Teeth Domination.  The aforementioned hijacking took place so that Busey could kidnap a hacker (played by talented character actor Michael Jeter) held in federal custody.  To assert dominance, Busey bites off his finger with his ginormous teeth, an event which leads to the following, brilliant exchange:

#5.  Poor man's Linda Hamilton.  You may recognize Yancy Butler and her intense eyebrows from JCVD's HARD TARGET.

Here, she plays Snipes' sidekick, a daredevil with a heart of gold.  She skydives and looks sad a lot.

#6. Hey, look, it's Mickey Jones!  Real-life best friend of Michael Ironside, former drummer for Bob Dylan, and go-to "hick" supporting player,

Mickey Jones plays a member of (fellow Texan) Busey's gang, which only seems natural.

#7.  A rockin' Hans Zimmer soundtrack.  This is from the era when he really went "full-guitar" and accompanied his pounding action with mournful, Ry Cooder-style riffs.  See also: BROKEN ARROW.

#8.  Grace Zabriskie as a two-fisted, Floridian flygirl and parachute jockey.

When you're watching her here, the idea that she is also "Sarah Palmer" from TWIN PEAKS is veritably mind-blowing.  I swear, she can pull off anything she sets her mind to––truly, she's one of the greats.  Plus, we finally get to see her with Wesley Snipes as a scene partner.

And this is the second time they've worked together!  See also: THE WATERDANCE (1992).

#9.  Gary Busey parachuting in zebra-print pajama pants.

I feel confident in stating this is worth the price of admission.

#10.  MIAMI VICE.  About halfway through, when I realized it was not going to deviate from its Florida locale, I began to discover that this is really kind of a big-budget MIAMI VICE episode, but with no Crockett, and with Busey perfectly encapsulating a vivid, "criminal of the week" guest star.

That's fine by me.

#11. Gary Busey Teeth Domination, Volume 2.  Busey challenges Yancey Butler to a tooth domination competition.  

He wins, obviously.

#12.  Busey's death––a.k.a. Gary Busey Teeth Domination, Volume 3.  Technically, I wouldn't call this a spoiler, since in every action movie from the 1980s and 1990s in which he played a villain, Busey dies.  Here, Wesley Snipes flings him out of a skyscraper without a parachute, and he goes to meet his maker in typical Busey fashion, teeth bared.


He swan-dives directly into the windshield of a truck being driven by Mickey Jones, and explodes.

In his final moments, he attempted to tooth dominate Death Itself.  Who are we to say that he did not succeed?

––Sean Gill

Sean Gill's "Cranberry's Last Dance" in Akashic Books

My latest short story, a Midwestern crime tale entitled "Cranberry's Last Dance," may be read online here as part of a shortform noir series from Akashic Books called "Mondays Are Murder."

Only now does it occur to me... INVITATION TO LOVE

Only now does it occur to me.... that TWIN PEAKS' soap-within-a-soap INVITATION TO LOVE must be set in Los Angeles, 2019...because it takes place inside Rick Deckard's apartment from BLADE RUNNER!

INVITATION TO LOVE...


...and BLADE RUNNER.

Those familiar with Frank Lloyd Wright (and perhaps Hollywood in general) may recognize the unique architecture of Ennis House, which has been used as a location (and sometimes recreated on set) in everything from THE HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL to THE ROCKETEER to THE GLIMMER MAN to BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER to THE DAY OF THE LOCUST.  I have always personally associated the distinctive tilework with BLADE RUNNER, and somehow, despite having watched TWIN PEAKS in its entirety at least five times, had never noticed Ennis House's presence on INVITATION TO LOVE until just this week.

Also, David Lynch must have been quite taken with the architecture, because he duplicated the tiles on the doorway to the Club Silencio in MULHOLLAND DRIVE.

Film Review: LOOSE CANNONS (1990, Bob Clark)

Stars: ? of 5.
Running Time: 94 minutes.
Tag-line: "A comedy with personality... lots of them."
Notable Cast or Crew: Gene Hackman (THE CONVERSATION, UNFORGIVEN), Dan Aykroyd (DOCTOR DETROIT, GHOSTBUSTERS, DRIVING MISS DAISY), Dom DeLuise (THE CANNONBALL RUN, MUNCHIE), Ronny Cox (ROBOCOP, TOTAL RECALL, DELIVERANCE), Robert Prosky (CHRISTINE, LAST ACTION HERO, GREMLINS 2), Paul Koslo (VANISHING POINT, FREEBIE AND THE BEAN, ROBOT JOX), Leon Rippy (STARGATE, UNIVERSAL SOLDIER), David Alan Grier (IN LIVING COLOR, JUMANJI), Tobin Bell ("Jigsaw" in the SAW movies), Bill Fagerbakke (Mick Garris' THE STAND, SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS).  Music by Paul Zaza (PROM NIGHT, PORKY'S).  Written by Richard Matheson (THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN, I AM LEGEND, THE TWILIGHT ZONE), Richard Christian Matheson (THREE O' CLOCK HIGH, AMAZING STORIES), and Bob Clark (BLACK CHRISTMAS, A CHRISTMAS STORY, PORKY'S).
Best One-liner: "Humpty Dumpty's back on the wall!"

How do we imagine our art will be digested?  At the perfect time and place, by the perfect audience?  When I was eleven years old, I watched AMERICAN GRAFFITI, because I loved George Lucas and his STAR WARS.  I liked it, but didn't really get it.  I wasn't old enough.  Saw it again when I was nineteen.  I was beginning to understand.  Take Noah Baumbach's KICKING AND SCREAMING: it's a film about listless college graduates entering the real world.  I rented it with my friends, on VHS, the last week of college before commencement.  We loved it, but I didn't realize how hard it could hit until I watched it four months later, scraping along in a dirty, rented room.  I don't think they should assign THE GREAT GATSBY to high school kids.  I don't think you can properly unravel it until you've had a dream and tried to chase it.
Naturally, all of this begs the question: when is the proper time to watch LOOSE CANNONS?

LOOSE CANNONS purports to be a loose and zany collection of scenes arranged into a buddy cop comedy involving split personalities.

Indeed, the film itself suffers from multiple personality disorder: it is produced by Aaron Spelling and René Dupont; the former built a television empire founded on garish, bourgeois romantic fantasy (THE LOVE BOAT, MELROSE PLACE, DYNASTY, BEVERLY HILLS 90210, SUNSET BEACH, etc.) and the latter produced films for Charles Chaplin and Stanley Kubrick (A KING IN NEW YORK and LOLITA, respectively).  It is written by horror/sci-fi legend Richard Matheson (who wrote some of the best TWILIGHT ZONES and serious novels like SOMEWHERE IN TIME and WHAT DREAMS MAY COME) and his son, Richard Christian Matheson.  It is directed and co-written by Bob Clark, who brought us family fare like A CHRISTMAS STORY, teen sex comedies like PORKY'S, holiday slashers like BLACK CHRISTMAS, and indescribable musical trainwrecks like RHINESTONE.  It stars an A-list dramatic actor (Gene Hackman) and a (then) A-list comedic actor (Dan Aykroyd).

It co-stars Dom DeLuise and an entire battery of "that guy!" character actors from gritty crime flicks of the 70s and 80s.  It features a soundtrack from Paul Zaza, who oversaw the horror-disco-sanity of PROM NIGHT.  The plot involves Nazi sex tapes and S&M and one-liners and mental illness––hey, what is this, anyway?  Who was this made for?  Who was meant to digest it? And when? 

In 1990, Siskel and Ebert described it as "the cop-buddy comedy that hits new lows in an undisputed field."  It was a financial failure, recouping only $5 million of a $15 million budget.  In 2015, it holds a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes.  As far as I know, it has not secured a cult following in the interim, even among bad movie aficionados.  For twenty-five years, unmoored, adrift, LOOSE CANNONS has not found its audience.  It has not yet discovered its proper time and place.  How does one judge such a film?  I'm not even quite sure it is a film; it may very well be a ghost on the haunt.

Gene Hackman's cat is named "Camus."  Dan Aykroyd is afraid to go to an S&M club, "not that I'm a Trudy Prudy or anything like that."

Do we blame this for EXIT TO EDEN? 

The club has go-go dancers wearing KISS-style body paint and this is distressing to Dan Aykroyd.

Aykroyd says "I always annoy people.  I don't mean to."  It is something of an understatement.

At different points throughout the film, Aykroyd "becomes" The Road Runner, Scotty for STAR TREK, The Cowardly Lion, and The Wicked Witch.  It is explained that he is only this way because he was tortured by a Columbian named "Armando."

We, however, were tortured by a Canadian named Aykroyd?

Aykroyd and Hackman drive around in a battered old station wagon full of kitty litter.

 "I have a hole in my ass."  ––"That's why they call you an asshole!"
 
Later, the station wagon smashes into a stack of crates filled with chickens.

 Gene Hackman wields a blunderbuss.
 
Dom DeLuise appears, looking like latter-day Orson Welles, wearing a King of Hearts costume

and, later, vests made from the upholstery of grandmothers' couches.

He exclaims "They're fucking with the wrong Jew this time!"

This is because he's involved in a international conspiracy searching for a snuff/pornographic/ritual sex-suicide film starring Adolf Hitler and the guy (Robert Prosky) who's going to be the next German chancellor.


"I saw a movie, XXX-style, only this one starred Hitler and a couple of other guys!" 

Paul Koslo plays a Nazi, who waves a gun around and does Nazi things.

Ronny Cox plays an FBI handler, who sure has his hands full with these two.

David Alan Grier shows up and tries to pretend he's not actually in the movie.

"How do you know the killer's German," asks Gene Hackman.  "Because there's no peepee hole on the boxers," says Dan Aykroyd.

Dom DeLuise is rolled around in a wheelchair.  This is supposed to make us smile because he is a fat man.  It actually makes us smile because Dom DeLuise is a warm and sympathetic human being who inspires warm feelings everywhere he goes.

We begin to wonder if GHOSTBUSTERS would have been insufferable if it didn't also have Bill Murray, Harold Ramis, and Ernie Hudson.

"Let me know if you ever find yourself, kid, cause I'd love to meet you," says Gene Hackman.

And somewhere between it's first and ninety-fourth minute, the film ends.  What was it?  I 'm not sure.  It all happened so fast, officer...

So when and where was LOOSE CANNONS' proper time and place?  If I had watched it on some other evening, at some other point in my life, would it have really "clicked" with me?  For all I know, this film is a triggering device for some as-of-yet-unhatched MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE-style plot, and that's it's proper time and place.  Or perhaps it was Calgary in 2013, when frames from a discarded reel of LOOSE CANNONS were discovered in a Canadian landfill, prompting an employee to believe he'd stumbled upon the remains of an actual snuff film.  It was finally determined to be a staged murder when Calgary police realized the man doing the murdering was Dan Aykroyd.

His name cleared, Aykroyd said "The movie should have been left in the landfill where it belongs."

Perhaps that is it's time and place.  This impossible confluence of writers, actors, and producers––arthouse, grindhouse, and studio system alike––converging on a genre that was mostly played out by 1990, on a film that was seen and loved by almost no one.  Rotting away, unseen, unsung...  Perhaps this landfill copy of LOOSE CANNONS, this temporary piece of crime scene evidence, ought to be screened as-is, DECASIA-style, as an art installation piece reminding us of this fine line between fiction and non-fiction, between sanity and madness.  What's the half-life of celluloid?  We'd better screen it while there's still something left, before we can no longer properly loop the reel across the spools and project.  Maybe the cannons are loose, not because they're a hot-doggin' cop and his mentally ill partner; maybe they're loose because the cannons are fleeting, life is fleeting, the cannons are slip, slipping away.

LOOSE CANNONS, ladies and gentlemen.

–Sean Gill

Only now does it occur to me... BURYING THE EX

Only now does it occur to me... that I should probably offer, as a public service announcement, the casual advice to avoid––even if you are a Joe Dante completist, like myself––his latest offering, BURYING THE EX, a lazy zombie-romantic-comedy that's easily his worst ever theatrical feature.  I don't have the patience to go in depth, but it is a failure of screenwriting, and I do find respite in knowing that Dante has not lost his moxie––in the past ten years, HOMECOMING, THE SCREWFLY SOLUTION, and THE HOLE all are suffused with his lovely and manic energy, and, in particular, I'd put HOMECOMING up there with his finest work.

Additionally, I must rag on BURYING THE EX for deleting the legendary Mary Woronov's only scene and can only offer, as a consolation prize, a screen capture of the eighty-six year old Dick Miller as "Grumpy Cop," a character who gets all of forty-five seconds to mumble about how kids these days are all on meth.

It was good to see ya, Dick Miller––keep on truckin'!

In closing, if there is indeed a God, will you please, please, please let THE MAN WITH KALEIDOSCOPE EYES happen (an as-of-yet unproduced film that Dante has been kicking around for years, a behind-the-scenes biopic on the making of THE TRIP, with the characters of Roger Corman, Jack Nicholson, Dennis Hopper, and Peter Fonda experimenting with LSD while they try to make the movie).  That is all.