Only now does it occur to me... EVA

Only now does it occur to me... that there are monsters out there, human monsters, and they're actively wasting the talents of Michael Ironside.

EVA is a laughably bad World War II movie with Merchant/Ivory pretensions that only succeeds in achieving the dramatic heights of a made-for-TV movie on the Hallmark Channel, replete with bad CGI.


WAR IS HELL

It's sights are set at an epic war-torn romance á la CASABLANCA or GONE WITH THE WIND or THE ENGLISH PATIENT and it's trudging along pretty hideously and then– thank God! – Ironside.

 
IRONSIDE MAKE BELIEVES HE'S IN A BETTER MOVIE


 PARDON MICHAEL IRONSIDE, BUT COULD HE BOTHER YOU FOR SOME GREY POUPON?  HE'S OUT AT THE MOMENT

He plays the titular character's disapproving uncle who has clearly only been given the direction to "be harsh aristocratic and mean and uncle-ly."  And by the way, that suit and tie does not appear to be period appropriate.

Then, out of the blue, they tell him to be rapey and incesty and uncle-ly:

And you know what– Ironside's trying, somewhat.  You can tell what he thinks of the movie, but he's runnin' it up that flagpole anyway.

Then, he's suddenly and ignominiously defeated via a candlestick and some meticulously choreographed community theater stage combat:


Whereupon he pops back up with panache and a Michael Myers-style re-entrance (with shades of VISITING HOURS):

Before being promptly shot down by the eponymous niece

a mere thirty-six minutes into the movie, thereby rendering the remainder of the film wholly unnecessary.  Oh, well!  Nice to see you anyway, Mr. Ironside.