Only now does it occur to me... BACHELOR PARTY (1984)

Only now does it occur to me... that BACHELOR PARTY is exactly what it pretends to be; that is to say, a raunchy 80s sex comedy that is on the wrong side of history on most, if not all, counts; one which traffics in visual puns,

BOSOM BUDDIES, right?

and whose key cultural legacy may center on a donkey show sex-donkey overdosing on pills;

a film featuring music by The Police, Darlene Love, Wang Chung, and three tracks by Oingo Boingo (including the important original composition "Theme from BACHELOR PARTY"); a film providing beautiful time-capsule views of pillars of our society, like 1984 Department Store:

1984 Mall Clothing Store:

1984 CONAN THE BARBARIAN-themed Male Strip Club:

and 1984 Home Kitchen.

Note the presence of a ventriloquist's dummy and cymbal-banging monkey toy

In the world of BACHELOR PARTY, Tom Hanks plays "Rick Gassko," a school bus driver whose easygoing relationship with the students he ferries brands him as more of a "Cool Bus Driver." Having become recently engaged, he informs his four blue-collar friends––a waiter (Cannon Films' Michael Dudikoff), a mechanic, a Sears photographer, and a Ticketmaster salesman––that there's going to be a wicked bachelor party thrown in his honor. If this were made today, the major difference––beyond, perhaps, more diversity, fewer sexist/racist/transphobic jokes, etc.––would be that the men would all be wealthier, and their bachelor party would involve Instagram-worthy lifestyle-porn.

Anyway, lest we forget, we have been brought to this hallowed place together because we are continuing my retrospective of Tawny Kitaen's 1980s oeuvre.

Indeed, Tawny Kitaen––playing a rich girl who sells New Wave clothing at a mall––is Hanks' fiancée.

Seen here (left) with her friend, who is wearing chopsticks in her hair as a New Wave fashion statement

I would not call this Tawny's finest hour, but it's a very likable, workmanlike performance. The role never challenges her range––indeed, this film could not be accused of challenging any of its actors, excepting, perhaps, Michael Dudikoff––

but as the "fiancée" in a movie dedicated to her zany fiancé's antics, there's only so much for her to do.

She does, however, impersonate a prostitute with a Southern accent in a comic scenario about as sophisticated as it sounds:

so there's that.

This movie also shows us that "Tom Hanks Karate Chop Freakdancing" is remarkably similar to "Crispin Glover Karate Chop Freakdancing" in FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE FINAL CHAPTER, also made in 1984. 

So it's possible this is more of a "nerdy 1984 weirdo" thing than a concrete Glover-Hanks connection.

There's a supporting turn from the always jocular Wendie Jo Sperber (best known, perhaps for playing Crispin Glover's daughter, Linda McFly, in BACK TO THE FUTURE)

and, as usual, she's a hilarious, affable presence. [See also: I WANNA HOLD YOUR HAND, CORVETTE SUMMER, et al.]

Also gotta give a shout-out to my man Michael Dudikoff (AMERICAN NINJA, AMERICAN NINJA 2), who makes it very difficult to decipher whether the bad acting choices he makes are meant to be inherent to the character, or whether they are in fact actual bad acting choices made by Mr. Dudikoff.  A great example of this is when Tawny Kitaen is kidnapped by an ex-boyfriend

 

and Hanks and his crew react in horror, except for Dudikoff 

who continues to stare at the kidnapping with an amazed and delighted expression. Good stuff.

There's also a showdown at a 24-hour 3-D movie theater which is showing classics like HOUSE OF WAX and DIAL M FOR MURDER alongside fictitious titles like SYBORG (which is probably a METALSTORM: THE DESTRUCTION OF JARED-SYN reference?).

This leads to a fight in the movie theater whereupon you realize the entire "fight in a 3-D movie theater" scenario is a set-up for

a blockheaded joke with audience members believing the real-life battle to be a 3-D special effect.

In the end, perhaps all you really must know about BACHELOR PARTY can be summed up by its most substantial recurring joke, which involves Tom Hanks pretending he's about to use an eggbeater as a sex toy on Tawny Kitaen––


a joke that the creators apparently thought was so good that they use it to bookend the entire motion picture:


Oh yeah, spoiler alert, they get married. Now I've done it––I've ruined the conclusion of BACHELOR PARTY for you. Whoops.