Only now does it occur to me... STAR WARS: DROIDS––THE PIRATE AND THE PRINCE (1985)

Only now does it occur to me.... that, for the serious STAR WARS fan, there are at least a few bizarre reasons to watch the aggressively mediocre DROIDS animated series (1985-1986). This one I'm looking at today is a four-episode story arc that's been edited into a feature-length film called THE PIRATE AND THE PRINCE. [There are fourteen episodes of this nonsense in toto, eight of which are available on DVD, and the idea is that they take place in roughly the fifteen years before STAR WARS: A NEW HOPE (1977).] The major draws are the vocal appearance of Anthony Daniels as C-3PO, the use of Ben Burtt's iconic sound design, a number of obscure STAR WARS references for the diehards, and a barrage of laughable insanity endemic to '80s cartoons made on the cheap.


Big daisy chain energy



Feels like a Salacious Crumb reference

I don't really need to touch too much on the main plot, which is about scepters and magic orbs and alien princes and things we don't really care about. So––without further ado––eleven minutiae I noticed about THE PIRATE AND THE PRINCE cycle:


#1. R2-D2 and C-3PO spend an inordinate amount of time in this piece waiting tables. While 3PO looks pretty snazzy in an apron, I think it's mostly so they can have a throwback to R2 serving cocktails in RETURN OF THE JEDI.

This guy is totally a reject from YELLOW SUBMARINE



Also, it's worth noting that their throwback-diner cook boss is a grizzled, four-armed alien

and the clear inspiration for one of George Lucas' most eye-rolling prequel characters, the dirty bellyshirt-wearing "Dexter Jettster."

#2. On that note, one of the stupidest vehicles from the prequels (from REVENGE OF THE SITH)––a big wheel with legs on it––

 

seemingly found its origin in these episodes of DROIDS. Lucas and his staff were apparently diving deep in the archives when it came to vehicle design.

It's just a big wheel and you ride in it

#3. Not to mention that this is apparently the source of Adam Driver's "Kylo Ren" from the sequel trilogy. You see, the main antagonist is a tantrum-throwing space pirate named "Kybo Ren," who is essentially a heavyset outlaw biker/Mongol invader straight out of an American International picture.


Huh. I guess J.J. liked the name?


#4. Stylistically, I'm fairly impressed by how well they adhere to the STAR WARS canon. We have the same Kurosawa-inspired wipes as in the live-action films, the Ben Burtt sound effects are well-curated (he had a hand in the production and some of the storylines), and they've clearly paid attention to the starship design, even when it comes to minor vehicles, glimpsed in passing in the movies.

A-Wings, etc.

They're plugged in to what the nerd kids paid attention to. Which means that for every generic biker-pirate, there's a––

#5. Sy Snootles cameo?!

Behold Sy Snootles, the lead singer in Jabba the Hutt's house band:

I appreciate the general willingness to go for semi-obscure movie references when they could have easily gone for completely generic aliens in every case (don't worry, there are a lot of generic aliens, too). She's also been slightly bowdlerized a bit in, shall we say, the mammary region, which is probably for the best. At least she kept her snazzy peacock feather.


#6. IG-88 cameo.

He's a droid extra with no lines––it's not even an under-five situation––in the background of a scene in THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK, when Boba Fett is first introduced:

In this cartoon, he's a minor antagonist, and he actually speaks English––in a tone very similar to James Earl Jones' Darth Vader. Who knew?


#7. Space Grace Jones. I'm pretty sure the female lead (the extremely non-STAR WARS sounding "Jessica Meade") is loosely based on Grace Jones.


She's got a flattop and a lot of badass energy, though she can't compare to actual sci-fi Grace Jones, last seen at Junta Juleil in CYBER BANDITS. At least she gets a scene where she knocks over a gigantic alien goon, wedges him in a doorway, and then uses his juicy caboose as some kind of springboard after saying "Ladies first."



#8. I have to tip my hat to a scene where R2-D2 pretends to be a torture droid in order to trick a confession out of a perp. Gives a real window into R2 and 3PO's essentially S&M relationship, too.


C-3PO is actually praying


More on this later, I guess.


#9. I also appreciate when a Gamorrean Guard (from Jabba's Palace in RETURN OF THE JEDI) and a generic alien pull the ol' crouch n' shove on C-3PO, sending him careening (toward a crotch).



#10. Sex robots. An old prospector in the cantina dances with what can only be described as the low-rent sex-bot version of Rosie from THE JETSONS.

Based on his look of pervy smugness (he's winking, for godssakes!) and the blow-up doll-inspired rouge detailing, I really don't think there's any other way to read this. Pretty sure this is the first time that STAR WARS ever tackled this issue, at least until SOLO's depiction of the complicated relationship between Lando and his FLEABAG droid.


#11. Speaking of which, the DROIDS series really lets R2 and 3PO explore their sensuality.



And I'm 90% certain that this was animated by at least one person with a "Sir Mix-a-Lot-adjacent" fetish. The number of roly-poly dudes who end up with their asses in the air cannot be denied.

Probably a good note to end on. To be continued...