Film Review: HIGHWAY TO HELL (1992, Ate de Jong)

Stars: 4 of 5.
Running Time: 94 minutes.
Tag-line: "If there's one thing worse than dying and going to Hell, it's not dying – and going to Hell."
Notable Cast or Crew: Chad Lowe (Rob's brother), Kristy Swanson (DEADLY FRIEND, BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER), Patrick Bergin (SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY, PATRIOT GAMES), Adam Storke (MYSTIC PIZZA, Larry Underwood in Mick Garris' THE STAND), Jarrett Lennon (CHEERS, FREAKS & GEEKS), Richard Farnsworth (THE STRAIGHT STORY, MISERY), Lita Ford (of "The Runaways"), Anne Meara (FAME, THE DAYTRIPPERS), Jerry Stiller (SEINFELD, HAIRSPRAY), Ben Stiller (REALITY BITES, EMPIRE OF THE SUN), Gilbert Gottfried (ALADDIN, BEVERLY HILLS COP II), Kevin Peter Hall ("The Predator" in PREDATOR, "Harry" in HARRY AND THE HENDERSONS). Special Effects by Randall William Cook (FRIGHT NIGHT, THE THING, Jackson's LORD OF THE RINGS, GHOSTBUSTERS, POLTERGEIST II). Matte paintings by Rocco Gioffre (BLADE RUNNER, ROBOCOP) and Mark Sullivan (KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE, THE PHANTOM MENACE). Cinematography by Robin Vidgeon (HELLRAISER, NIGHTBREED, THE FLY II). Written by Brian Helgeland (MYSTIC RIVER, NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 4, L.A. CONFIDENTIAL). Directed by Ate de Jong (DROP DEAD FRED).
Best One-liner: "When I come home from a long day in Hell, there's nothing I'd rather reach for than a fire-brewed bottle of Styx Beer. Made from the filthiest waters from our own River Styx. Styx Beer is a third more toxic than any other regular beer. The worst beer - the filthiest beer - the deadliest beer. It's Styx Beer!"

HIGHWAY TO HELL... where have you been all my life? Shot in 1989 and dumped straight-to-video in 1992 (after a limited release), it took a long time for this wacky little horror-adventure-comedy to find its much deserved cult audience. 

A twisted retelling of the Orpheus and Eurydice myth glimpsed through a "what-if-Tim-Burton-and-Clive-Barker-made-LITTLE-MONSTERS?" lens, Dutch director Ate de Jong dives into the material with visually inventive flourish (think Sam Raimi or Richard Rush) and a goofball sense of humor (imagine MAD Magazine with a Euro-arthouse cool factor).

 

Here, our Orpheus and Eurydice are two road-tripping elopers, played by Chad Lowe and Kristy Swanson. 

Despite a prolific television resume, Chad Lowe never managed to match his brother Rob for relevance, though his performance here is certainly likable and persistent. As "Orpheus," it's mostly his journey and therefore he gets the most screen-time. Kristy Swanson's late '80s star had been on the rise, between DEADLY FRIEND, FLOWERS IN THE ATTIC, FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF, MANNEQUIN 2, and HOT SHOTS, though mostly this film places her in in a series of "distressed damsel" scenarios. I can't help but wonder if this film would have found greater purchase with more charismatic leads, somewhere in the vein of Nic Cage/Christian Slater/Woody Harrelson or Jennifer Jason Leigh/Winona Ryder/Bridget Fonda. That being said, Lowe and Swanson do a serviceable job, and they do manage the feeling of two naïve waifs unexpectedly encountering the depths of hell.

Their Route 66 honeymoon road trip is interrupted by a demonic state trooper (C.J. Graham, "Jason" in FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 6) who is part Freddy Krueger, part Cenobite, and part THE HILLS HAVE EYES. 

 

Naturally, he has the vanity plate "DAMNED." 

Using "hand cuffs" that are literal, zombified hands (the first of the film's many visual puns and sight gags)

 the demonic trooper kidnaps Eurydice and takes her through a portal to hell in the Arizona desert.

Taking advice from "Last Chance" gas station owner Richard Farnsworth, Lowe's Orpheus decides to enter the portal to Hades himself and save his fiancée.

It's a nice bit part for the pathos-exuding Farnsworth (Oscar nominated for David Lynch's THE STRAIGHT STORY), who also tells Lowe he's got "the wrong car for this kinda road." [Devotees of THE STRAIGHT STORY, which came out in 1999, will note that this weirdly foreshadows an aspect of that film, where Farnsworth's character, against all advice, drives a ride-on mower cross-country to see his dying brother!]

So Lowe's Orpheus blasts through the hellmouth (in a very BACK TO THE FUTURE-inspired moment) and finds himself in a surreal desert afterlife, somehow equal parts AIRPLANE!,  MAD MAX, and HELL COMES TO FROGTOWN.

(I believe that the sole purpose of his red 49ers cap is to reference Harry Dean Stanton's desert wanderings in Wim Wenders' PARIS, TEXAS.)

 

There are many incredible set-pieces during Orpheus' journey through Hades, and while I wouldn't dream of spoiling them all, I'll set the scene with a few:

Picture it: Pluto's Donuts, a perverted post-Americana 1950s diner that becomes a Stiller family affair, with Anne Meara playing Medea (as a diner waitress),

her husband Jerry Stiller, playing an insistent customer (and dead highway patrolman)
 

and their son Ben Stiller, playing a whiny line cook (in the first of two roles).

 

The visuals throughout are extremely detailed and inventive, and there's a PEE-WEE'S PLAYHOUSE kind of claymation beauty in even the corniest moments. 

 

 Next, consider Hoffa's, a hellish casino

where Genghis Khan (Ben Stiller again), Cleopatra (sister Amy Stiller), and Hitler (Gilbert Gottfried, of course) 

 whine about the poor service, while the table next to them is reserved for 

Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi, martial law enthusiast Imelda Marcos, apartheid brute P.W. Botha, and... Jerry Lewis. This is probably the best illustration of what kind of tone this movie means to convey; in fact, your mileage may vary (on the road to hell). Which is paved with:

 

I admire the inspired, wacko choice to have hell's civic infrastructure run by an unsettling army of Andy Warhols

 who pave hell's roads with a conveyor belt of screaming, freshly deceased victims.

 

Along the way, we witness advertisements for Styx beer (see: best-one liner, above)

and, through the magic of Rocco Gioffre and Mark Sullivan's gorgeous matte paintings, glimpse Hell City and its notorious traffic jams. 

 

 

As Lowe's Orpheus continues his descent

 

 

 (damn, they actually got permission to shoot in Antelope Canyon!) 

he meets a rogue's gallery of characters and cameos, some of whom bear mentioning. Former Runaway and solo artist Lita Ford appears as a hitchhiker:

 

seven-foot-tall character actor Kevin Peter Hall (PREDATOR, HARRY AND THE HENDERSONS) plays a creepy, eyes-sewn-shut Charon:

 

Adam Storke plays sort of rebel prince from hell (seen here acting alongside Kristy Swanson's statement vest):

 

and the deliciously deranged Patrick Bergin (I once did a deep dive into how thoroughly his performance steals the movie SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY) who appears first as a suspiciously earnest "Satanic Mechanic"

 

and later, in a turn, as a nearly Willy Wonka-ish take on Old Scratch.

 

Oh, and did I mention that this thing has the best depiction of Cerberus in film history?

 

So hitch a ride on the HIGHWAY TO HELL: stop-motion monsters, desert madness, post-apocalyptic Americana, and an exquisite, cult movie tone. You'll be left wishing that Ate de Jong had been given greater opportunities in Hollywood to wield his particular brand of zany-satirical creativity. (Though, we'll always have the oeuvre of his fellow Dutch satirist, Paul Verhoeven.)

Only now does it occur to me... RIDER ON THE RAIN (1970)

Only now does it occur to me... to say a few things about RIDER IN THE RAIN, a motion picture best described as "a French art film starring.... Charles Bronson."

Bronson plays ball with "arthouse blocking."

This moody seaside thriller was the #3 most popular French movie in 1970 and considered a breakout role for Bronson as a leading man (though I would certainly consider his appearance in 1969's ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST as at least a "co-lead"). Helmed by master craftsman Réne Clément (PURPLE NOON, FORBIDDEN GAMES), it's an intricate Hitchcock homage and psychosexual chamber piece which is in turns masterful, awkward, and bizarre. It's produced by arthouse legend Serge Silberman (RAN, THE DISCREET CHARM OF THE BOURGEOISIE, LE TROU, and BOB LE FLAMBEUR). This is an odd duck, to say the least. 

Beginning with an epigraph from Lewis Carroll, we are introduced to our heroine, a childlike thirtysomething woman named "Mélancolie" (Marlène Jobert), who plays with toys and has an unhealthy relationship with an overbearing mother.

She is stalked by a wandering creeper (Marc Mazza) who follows her through

what is likely intended as a more sexually explicit and horrific ALICE IN WONDERLAND.

This would almost have a VALERIE AND HER WEEK OF WONDERS vibe if it were more phantasmagorical. Drenched in rain and seaside atmosphere, and with pensive Euro-musical stylings by Francis Lai (LOVE STORY, BOLERO), this almost feels like a melancholy horror film.

After being sexually assaulted by the "rider on the rain," Mélancolie gains the upper hand, shoots him, and dumps the body. However, the next morning, a mysterious American named Dobbs (Charles Bronson) shows up, asking a lot of pointed questions about the missing man. Who is Bronson, really? How does he know so much? Will Mélancolie be caught? Is her ordeal finally over? This, in essence, is RIDER ON THE RAIN.

As I said before, it draws its major inspiration from Hitchcock (with a smattering of REPULSION) and it's about as careful with its sensitive subject matter as you would expect from an all-male creative team working in 1970. It's often immaculately constructed in the way that MARNIE or FRENZY sometimes are, and it's often extremely cringey in the way that MARNIE or FRENZY sometimes are.

One scene, in which Bronson reenacts the rape in order to get to "the truth of it,"

 

 

would be legitimately horrifying if it weren't packed with weird, sincere-ish Bronsonian mime (and bed-leaping). But, ah, I'm getting ahead of myself ...and indeed to the heart of the matter.

Let me make myself clear: Bronson's performance here is nearly Lynchian/Buñuelian in its absurdity and in its (semi?) intentional comedy. In my favorite moment, he approaches Mélancolie and asks for a ride. "I don't have a car," he says, "they said you could give me a ride."

When he says "car," he lifts his arms with the exact same gesture as when he would later say "It's MY car!" in DEATH WISH 3 (1985).

Is it coincidental? Is it inherent to Bronson's interpretation of car-related subject matter? So many questions.

Later, Bronson is a vision in bowling attire. Look at those spiffy shoes.

Anyway, the majority of this film is essentially a tête-à-tête between Bronson and Mélancolie. Bronson wants to know the truth of what happened that night, and Mélancolie wants to be left the hell alone. Without spoiling too much of the plot, I will tell you that Bronson's character behaves in maddening/inscrutable/rapey/exasperating ways which don't make a lick of sense once you've learned his character's true role and motivations. Er––I take that back: they make sense if the character is intended as a absolute dickhead so dedicated to being a dick that he endangers the principles and motivations he holds most dear just for the opportunity to indulge in extra helpings of dickery.

For instance, take this scene where he force feeds Mélancolie bourbon as a lie detector test (and an homage to NORTH BY NORTHWEST).

When she protests, he jams the rocks glass into her mouth and spins her in a spinny chair like she's the cap on a Mandom bottle.

 

 

He then threatens to spank her,

 

steals her keys with a sinister whimsy and weird/sincere facial mugging that only Charles Bronson can pull off,

 

calls her by the groan-y nickname "Love Love" (taken from words stitched on her apron), and generally manipulates her for ends which are revealed to be, uh... chivalrous, I guess?

Bronson: a real wisenheimer.
 

She does get "revenge" on him by ruining his eggs with a hair-raising amount of ketchup

   and talking smack with a dietary zinger.

But she spent time cooking those eggs herself and then she ruined them.... uh, that sure showed him!

(It's yet another key moment in the Bronson canon where he has strong opinions about condiments.)

 

This film also contains supporting roles from Bronson's real-life wife, Jill Ireland:

as well as French New Wave icon and "Cleo" from CLEO FROM 5 TO 7, Corinne Marchand:

 

 

 Though I saved the best for last. We eventually learn the name of the deceased rapist, and it's...

 

Mac. Guffin. The rapist's name is Mac Guffin. 

I'm speechless. This is QUITE the Hitchcock homage. On the whole, I'd rank RIDER ON THE RAIN one level below basically any film by the reigning French Hitchock enthusiast, Claude Chabrol.

Supposedly Cannon Films was planning on remaking this in English starring Bronson at some point. I wonder how good that would have been. Ah well, at least we've got, uh, KINJITE: FORBIDDEN SUBJECTS?