"Forthcoming '80s Remakes That Haunt the Nightmares of the Alt-Right" in McSweeney's Internet Tendency

I have a new piece published today at McSweeney's Internet Tendency called "Forthcoming '80s Remakes That Haunt the Nightmares of the Alt-Right," and you can read it online here.

(Another humor piece I wrote for McSweeney's last year, called "Winners of the Yoknapatawpha County Spelling Bee, 1929-1940," can be read here.)

Only now does it occur to me... HOME ALONE 2

Well, in addition to being a soulless, self-plagiaristic complete retread of the first installment, even down to geometric patterns that become imprinted upon Daniel Stern's forehead, only now does it occur to me... that the finest and most sincere moment in HOME ALONE 2 may very well be Tim Curry's intense and wholly spectacular shit-eating grin:

The shit-eating grin that saved Christmas

Also, it gets a few extra points for John Hughes-veteran Ally Sheedy's cameo:

Ally... was it Sheedy?

And I must say that the levels of family-friendly sadism reach cruel and excruciating heights perhaps even worthy of the master himself, Lucio Fulci:

 

 Daniel Stern is agonizingly staple-gunned through a doorway in HOME ALONE 2...

 

...in a similar manner to Olga Karlatos' agonizing run-in with a splinter in ZOMBIE 2.

Merry Christmas!