Film Review: CONGO (1995, Frank Marshall)

Stars: 3 of 5.

Running Time: 109 minutes.

Notable Cast or Crew: Laura Linney (THE TRUMAN SHOW, TALES OF THE CITY), Dylan Walsh (NIP/TUCK, ARCTIC BLUE), Ernie Hudson (GHOSTBUSTERS, THE CROW), Tim Curry (CLUE, THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW), Grant Heslov (TRUE LIES, ENEMY OF THE STATE), Joe Don Baker (CAPE FEAR '91, CHARLEY VARRICK, MITCHELL), Mary Ellen Trainor (DIE HARD, THE GOONIES), James Karen (THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD, MULHOLLAND DR.), John Hawkes (DEADWOOD, FROM DUSK TILL DAWN), Peter Jason (THEY LIVE, PRINCE OF DARKNESS), Bruce Campbell (EVIL DEAD, ARMY OF DARKNESS), Taylor Nichols (METROPOLITAN, BARCELONA), Delroy Lindo (MALCOLM X, CLOCKERS), Joe Pantoliano (MEMENTO, THE MATRIX, THE SOPRANOS), Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje (LOST, OZ), and a special appearance by Jimmy Buffett. Music by Jerry Goldsmith (ALIEN, GREMLINS). Edited by Anne V. Coates (LAWRENCE OF ARABIA, THE ELEPHANT MAN, OUT OF SIGHT). Based on the novel by Michael Crichton (JURASSIC PARK, ER, WESTWORLD). Screenplay by Academy Award and Pulitzer Prize winner John Patrick Shanley (DOUBT, FIVE CORNERS, MOONSTRUCK).

Tag-line: "Where YOU are the endangered species"

Best one-liner: "Are you serving that ape a martini?"

In a familiar, darkened alleyway:

"What are you smiling about?"
–"CONGO, man. CONGO."
"I don't get it."
–"1995 was a magical year. The stars aligned. You see, in 1993, Michael Crichton's JURASSIC PARK was a runaway hit. In 1994, Crichton's ER took television by storm. Also in 1994, THE LION KING became the highest-grossing animated film of all time.  Therefore, a Michael Crichton action-adventure piece, featuring a character named "Dr. Ross" (though here, it's Laura Linney, not George Clooney), involving prehistoric creatures and African wildlife should have been the blockbuster of the year... Yes, indeed, the stars aligned on behalf of CONGO. But they did not create box office gold. No, they aligned to give us a cyborg gorilla named "Amy" who wears a No Fear backpack. And I'm more than okay with that."

"This looks like a tough sell to me."
–"Aren't you always claiming to be an intellectual?"
"I don't really see how that pertains–"
–"Don't you enjoy the dramatic word, courtesy of Academy Award, Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright John Patrick Shanley?"
"Sure, but–"
–"Then buckle up, cause Shanley has brought an advanced toolbox of dialogue-writin' skills, and he's not afraid to use 'em. You like alliteration? You got it, brother.

There were plenty of other ways to put that potted pleasantry, but none had the proper pithy, pompous pizazz."
"Okay, you can stop."
–"They're a regular Tracy and Hepburn over here. 'Are you a pound of sugar?'"

'No, babe, I'm a primatologist.' Are you taking notes?"
"I'll not have you poking fun at a giant of the American stage on my watch."
–"I'm not poking fun. I'm praising him. For instance, only a giant of the American stage could imbue a speech about monkeys in heat with such fluency and pop-culture poetry..."




"What's going on here? Is that Ernie Hudson? What are you trying to do to me?"
–"I'm not trying to do anything. Ernie Hudson, however, is trying his damnedest to save this picture. And, somehow, with his jocular demeanor and that measured twinkle in his eye––he almost succeeds.

As the dashing freelance adventurer 'Munro Kelly,' he uses Cary Grant-inspired over-enunciation and Clark Gable-ish flair to saturate the film with old Hollywood flavor.

Don't you just want to hang out with Ernie Hudson? Maybe he deserves a spin-off film that doesn't traffic in 3-D glasses and cyborg gorillas."

"Tell me there are good action sequences, at least."
–"I think any '90s action-adventure film is defined by its setpieces. Who can forget the storm drain chase from TERMINATOR 2, the hospital climax in HARD BOILED, the Keanu vs. Swayze foot race in POINT BREAK...? Well, in CONGO, who can ever forget the heart-stopping hippo-attack scene?"


"Okay."
–"Or this setpiece, which is almost a shot-for-shot remake of the Xenomorph perimeter attack scene from ALIENS, complete with automated gun turrets that are dangerously low on ammo?"





"So you've amply demonstrated CONGO's mediocrity. So what? I'm fairly certain everyone knew that already. Now you're just slandering John Patrick Shanley and making me feel bad for Ernie Hudson. What's the point of all this?"
–"You know me better than that. You know I devote myself to the subtle beauty of things like... Joe Don Baker screaming 'I NEED THOSE DIAMONDS!'"

"I can see that sort of thing in MITCHELL, JOYSTICKS, or CAPE FEAR '91."

–"But can you see an ape drinking a martini on a transcontinental flight?"

"Uh..."
–"Can you always see a soupçon of well-meaning-but-disappointed James Karen?"

"Well..."

–"Or Joe 'Joey Pants' Pantoliano in a silly, uncredited, Hawaiian shirt-heavy role that essentially paraphrases Hunter S. Thompson?"

"Er..."
–"Or Bruce Campbell being terrorized by a camera-angle, straight out of EVIL DEAD?"

"I must admit, I'm intrigued."

–"Good. Let me raise you one bug-eyed, unbridled Tim Curry."

"My God. Are you ser–"
–"With an inconsistent Romanian accent, no less. Perhaps you'd like to see him eating sesame cake like a boss while an uncredited Delroy Lindo vocally disapproves?"

"This movie is a veritable roller coaster of human emotion."
–"Then you'll simply love this tender moment between Whit Stillman-standby Taylor Nichols and Bruce Campbell just prior to their horrific deaths at the hands of prehistoric albino gorillas."

"I'm speechless. Does this fit into the Stillman-verse? Is it supposed to be post-LAST DAYS OF DISCO?"
–"That'll be a question for the film historians. Finally, how do you feel about journeyman character actor and eventual Oscar nominee John Hawkes showing up for one scene where his only purpose is to wake up and scream 'AHHHH!' before he expires?"

"That's not even an 'under-five,' I don't think."
–"You're darn tootin', it's not. So how do you feel about CONGO now?"
"Eh, honestly, I think I'll just stick with JURASSIC PARK."
–"Alright. I have one last concept for you to wrap your narrow mind around. What about a Laura Linney action-movie one-liner?"
"It'd have to be a pretty good one-liner. Shanley would have to bring his A-game. It'd have to be as morally complex as DOUBT, with the pastoral poignancy of OUTSIDE MULLIGAR, and the quiet desperation of PSYCHOPATHIA SEXUALIS."
–"Sure, sure. What if I told you there was a not only a Linney-zinger worthy of all that, but that it was accompanied by an albino gorilla-blasting laser gun?"
"I'd want to hear it spoken aloud."
–"Okay. So during a climactic moment of quiet desperation, mid-prehistoric-albino-gorilla-onslaught, Laura Linney brandishes a diamond-powered space laser. Ernie Hudson asks her what she intends to do about the prehistoric albino gorilla situation.

And then Linney, with a poetic sensibility worthy of the American stage that brought us Arthur Miller and Eugene O'Neill (or at least Golden Era Schwarzenegger) says:


PEWWWWWWWWWW

Now what do you have to say about that?"
"Fine. You win. We can watch CONGO."
–"That's all I ever wanted. Now how's about a double feature with another great '90s primate flick, MONKEY TROUBLE, with Harvey Keitel and Thora Birch?"
"Don't push your luck, pal."

Film Review: POLTERGEIST (1982, Tobe Hooper & Steven Spielberg)

Stars: 5 of 5.
Running Time: 114 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Craig T. Nelson (ACTION JACKSON, COACH), Heather O'Rourke, JoBeth Williams (THE DOGS OF WAR, STOP OR MY MOM WILL SHOOT), Beatrice Straight (won an Oscar for NETWORK), James Karen (RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD, MULHOLLAND DR., THE WILLIES), Sonny Landham (SOUTHERN COMFORT, PREDATOR, FLESHBURN), Zelda Rubinstein (TEEN WITCH). Music by Jerry Goldsmith. Written and produced by Steven Spielberg. Additional writers: Michael Grais and Mark Victor (DEATH HUNT, COOL WORLD, POLTERGEIST II).
Tag-line: "They're here."
Best one-liner: "Y'all mind hanging back? You're jamming my frequency."

I'm not here to argue about who actually did the bulk of the direction on this film (do a comparison with Hooper's Golan-Globus follow-up, LIFEFORCE, if you want to see what I think), but I think we can all agree that Spielberg was at the top of his game when he was peddling awesome, playfully morbid, PG-rated kiddie horror (from GREMLINS to TEMPLE OF DOOM). (See my TEMPLE OF DOOM review for a more in-depth discussion on the topic.) Largely inspired by the seminal TWILIGHT ZONE episode "Little Girl Lost," Spielberg proceeds to raise the stakes (and the steaks!) to the most ludicrously entertaining, technically innovative (the pre-CGI ingenuity of matte paintings, trick photography, and miniatures) point of spectral mayhem possible- ending up with basically THE definitive 'haunted house' film. Most horror films have 'that one scene' that they're remembered for. POLTERGEIST is a goddamned smorgasbord of ghostly delights: the clown, the tree, the chairs, the TV, the flesh-rippin', the pool... take your pick! The details are as exquisite as the main setpieces: a wind-up robot cackles in perverse amusement; a record plays itself in mid-air, a schoolboy's compass is the needle:

or a feathery skeleton-beast which could be 'THE monster' in any other movie, but which seems almost like a background detail in the no-holds-barred, chaotic finale:


The Freeling family is believable, likable, and engaging.

The scene of JoBeth Williams casually smoking pot (something that would never happen in a film today, unless it was being played for laffs) and Craig T. Nelson reading his Reagan book

is the perfect introduction to both their playful, private sphere and their stern, public façade. The reins of the nation were now ostensibly in the hands of meticulously contrived spokesmodel- the rest of the country had better maintain appearances, too. Forget the poltergeists for a minute, people– "It's morning in America again." Note the secrecy and embarrassment with which the family covers up its "problems at home." They should be feeling shame. They are no longer model residents of Cuesta Verde. It's one of Spielberg's more astute observations on the American family unit (Hooper's influence? Remember "The saw is family?"), and a certain, rare, non-gag-worthy morality emerges. When Carol Anne's bird "Tweety" dies, the bird is afforded a certain childlike dignity in its cigar-box burial. Of course, later, when James Karen's corporate douche reveals ("Oh, don't worry about it. After all, it's not ancient tribal burial ground. It's just... people. Besides, we have done it before.") his stance, we begin to see the general shift in basic human decency which that new morning in America was trying to obfuscate, I suppose.


Regardless, Tweety's funeral is crosscut with a group of hot-blooded men cheering on a football game.


Perhaps the spirits observed the value the living placed on this glowing electronic altar and for that reason chose to use it as a point of contact? Ha!

The supporting roles are solid, as well- Beatrice Straight's "if Joan Crawford were nice" grandmotherly expert, Sonny Landham's (!) bit part as a lascivious construction worker, Zelda Rubinstein's eerily wacky medium:

and James Karen's affably creepy land developer (who exudes eventual brow-furrowing 'what have I done?!' intensity):


James Karen: one of genre cinema's great unsung heroes.

Five stars.

-Sean Gill

Film Review: THE WILLIES (1991, Brian Peck)

Stars: 3 of 5.
Running Time: 92 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Clu Gulager, Sean Astin, James Karen, Dana Ashbrook, Bill Erwin, Kimmy Robertson, Kirk Cameron, Tracey Gold
Tag-line: "You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll puke, you'll die!"
Best one-liner(s): "You boys aren't out here giving each other 'the willies,' are ya?"

Basically, it's the weird, seemingly made-for-TV, pseudo kiddie version of CREEPSHOW. It kinda plays out like an episode of EERIE, INDIANA that's been dumbed down for mass consumption, with urban legend-esque creepy tales that are so generic, I half-expected the killer with the hook hand or the truck driver flashing his brights to make an appearance. The lead kids, including Sean Astin, are pretty stiff and have great difficulty registering the difference between vague terror, mind-numbing shock, and complete boredom as they continually mix and match those three emotions rather haphazardly throughout, usually settling on boredom. Then there's the bizarre cameos (which can mostly be explained by the fact that the director, Brian Peck, appeared in all the RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD movies, most notably as the lead, mohawked punk in the first installment) : we have the GROWING PAINS kids, Lucy the secretary (Kimmy Robertson) and Bobby Briggs (Dana Ashbrook) from TWIN PEAKS:


and finally CLU GULAGER as the school principal who delivers his one line,

"My God, what the hell happened in here?" with more sincerity than the rest of the cast for the rest of the entire film, combined. There's also there's a weird scene that plays out for a minute like BILL AND COO with flies instead of birds. And then LIVING DEAD's James Karen appears in a somewhat larger role as the monstrous janitor. And it all boils down to a final scene with a ridiculous twist and amazing (lack of) reaction from our main characters who should be completely terrified at the prospect of impending bloody death,

but instead look only mildly perturbed, as if merely their cheese has been moved. This and Clu Gulager barely elevate this to three stars. For 80's horror completists only. (Yes, I know it was made in 1991.)

-Sean Gill