Film Review: CANNONBALL! aka CARQUAKE (1976, Paul Bartel)

Stars: 4 of 5.

Running Time: 90 minutes.

Tag-line: "The annual Trans-American outlaw road race– a cross-country demolition derby without rules!"

Notable Cast or Crew:  David Carradine (DEATH RACE 2000, CIRCLE OF IRON), Robert Carradine (REVENGE OF THE NERDS, BODY BAGS), Mary Woronov (ROCK N' ROLL HIGH SCHOOL, DEATH RACE 2000), Paul Bartel (EATING RAOUL, THE USUAL SUSPECTS), Dick Miller (GREMLINS, THE TERMINATOR), Gerrit Graham (USED CARS, THE PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE), Veronica Hamel (HILL STREET BLUES, HERE COME THE MUNSTERS), Bill McKinney (DELIVERANCE, EVERY WHICH WAY BUT LOOSE), Joe Dante (director of EERIE, INDIANA, GREMLINS), James Keach (Stacy's brother, FM, THE LONG RIDERS), Carl Gottlieb (writer of JAWS and THE JERK), Stanley Bennett Clay (ALL THE PRESIDENT'S MEN, CLEOPATRA JONES), Louis Moritz (ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST, NEW YEAR'S EVIL).  Written by Bartel and Don Simpson (co-producer of THE ROCK, BAD BOYS, TOP GUN, FLASHDANCE).  Cinematography by Tak Fujimoto (THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS, THE SIXTH SENSE).

Best One-liner:  In lieu of a one-liner, just imagine a car exploding.

After the success of DEATH RACE 2000, Roger Corman and New World Pictures wanted another car picture out of auteur/performer Paul Bartel, and so he submitted to them a project that would have been completely wonderful and astounding called... "FRANKENCAR."


Corman wouldn't spring for it, though, wanting something a little cheaper and more mainstream, especially in comparison to DEATH RACE 2000, whereupon men and women in cars that looked like dragons and cattle and gatling guns ran over pedestrians for sport.  Corman wanted a standard cross-country racing movie, and Bartel, deep in depression, feared he would be pigeonholed as an action director.  Despite it all, he grudgingly delivered his "car movie."

I put off watching CANNONBALL! for years, having heard mostly bad things and not wanting to tarnish my memories of DEATH RACE 2000.  However, having just seen it, I am happy to report that CANNONBALL! is great.  The material has been adequately Bartel-ized; it's dark, hilarious, insane, and it ends with a senseless pileup of cascading explosions that truly must be seen to be believed.


 Due to the final scenes alone, CANNONBALL! may very well have more per capita explosions than most Michael Bay movies, truly earning its alternate title of "CARQUAKE."  It's a fun, dumb, fast-paced time, and here are my nine favorite things about it:

#1.  The cross-country race/tournament aspect.  A forerunner to CANNONBALL RUN in title and content, I've always enjoyed movies that feature a motley crew of characters competing against each other for some zany prize.  Maybe it just reminds me of BLOODSPORT.  Would that make this not a kumite, but a carmite?

#2.  David Carradine.  In DEATH RACE 2000, they put him in a gimp costume and called him "Frankenstein."

That was pretty good.  Here, they tough him up by slipping him in moccasins and a salmon pink hoodie, with a bandana tied around his neck like an ascot.   
 
"Huh?" you ask.  "Hush up and just go with it," I say.


#3.  Robert Carradine.

The moral center of our film, pre-'REVENGE,' nerdy Carradine is likable and fun, hanging out with his girlfriend Belinda Balaski (a likable Joe Dante crony who's been in over a dozen of his films).  They're the classic "nice guys finish last" underdog team.


#4.  Mary Woronov.

It ain't a Bartel flick without Woronov!  In the past, I've referred to the two of them as the "demented 70s and 80s versions of Tracey and Hepburn."  She filmed all her scenes in one day and was reportedly miserable doing so (she didn't know how to drive a car, so they only used cutaways), but as the leader of a trio of waitresses who are tooling around in a van, she provides the proper spunk and bitchiness that this film needs.

I especially appreciate that she's busting shit up and driving through prefabricated homes... before the race even begins!

CARQUAKE!

#5.  The bizarre Yokel-mobile.  Here goes: one single car in the race plays home to Gerrit Graham ("Beef" from PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE) who's a successful country western star appropriately plucking an acoustic guitar throughout;

Judy Canova, notorious Old Hollywood yodeler and comedienne (this was her final film role); and Bill McKinney (Ned Beatty's rapist in DELIVERANCE!)

who is the central villain of the piece, a hateful asshole-type who is a hateful asshole merely for the sake of being a hateful asshole.  (Character motivation be damned!)

#6.  James Keach (Stacy's brother).

Here he delivers a ludicrous, one-note performance as a pipe-chomping German driver named Wolfe Messer who is always saying subtle German-y things like "YOU DUMMKOPF!"


#7.  Dick Miller.

Fulfilling the "it's technically not a movie from 70s if Dick Miller's not in it" rule, Dick Miller appears as Carradine's desperate gambler brother.  He gives a solid, typically Miller-ish performance, and I especially applaud the balls of casting him as Carradine's brother in a movie that already features Carradine's real-life half-brother.

#8.  Paul Bartel.

He casts himself as a priggish, turtleneck-addicted criminal kingpin who communicates to his cronies from behind a piano, singing fake Cole Porter.  Sounds about right.

#9.  A surprise appearance by Martin Scorsese and Sylvester Stallone as mobster associates of Bartel's character, who (very) briefly appear in a brief hangout session, eating KFC.


WHAAAAAAT?!

Four stars.

–Sean Gill

Only now does it occur to me... SHAKE, RATTLE, AND ROCK!

Only now does it occur to me...  that I'd ever get to see Mary Woronov try the very concept of Rock N' Roll in a kangaroo courtroom... and win!

Mary just wants to take away your rockin' tunes

And from whom does she want to take those rockin' tunes, you ask?  Try a wackified-solo dancing Renée Zellweger,

a "too cool for school" Howie Mandel (er, maybe make that "cool enough to actually be at school, if he was still of schooling age" Howie Mandel),

and 90s R&B outfit "For Real" (playing an up-and-coming girl band).

This quasi-prequel to the 70s cult classic ROCK N' ROLL HIGH SCHOOL (steeped heavily in the influence of John Waters' HAIRSPRAY) tells the origin story of Woronov's fuddy-duddy 'Evelyn Togar' and was featured in the "90s does the 50s" series of TV movie sentitled REBEL HIGHWAY (which I more adequately describe here).

Everybody's quite likable, and like a lot of Arkush's output (GET CRAZY, HEARTBEEPS, CADDYSHACK II), it exudes a sense of fun even if it is fairly blockheaded most of the time (it doesn't really matter, though).  

Also of interest, Dick Miller (legendary character actor and Joe Dante/Roger Corman crony) reprises his role from ROCK N' ROLL HIGH SCHOOL as a gruff but sympathetic cop

I swear, Dick Miller is in everything.

and P.J. Soles (the incomparably cheerful star of ROCK N' ROLL HIGH SCHOOL, CARRIE, and HALLOWEEN ) shows up as a mahjong-cheater and concerned mother from Mary Woronov's friend circle.

P.J. Soles: excited to be here.  Also, missing her hat.

Continuing on with the Rock N' Roll street cred is Gerrit Graham, who notably played "Beef" in Brian de Palma's glam-rock-horror-musical spectacular PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE.

Here he plays a nerdy television producer who's all-too-susceptible to the phoned-in complaints of uptight parents.

And I must repeat for those who may not know– the aforementioned Mary Woronov is one of the greatest cult actresses of all time, and a wayward muse for figures as disparate as Andy Warhol and Roger Corman, not to mention the best bud and screen partner of Paul Bartel (together they became the demented 70s and 80s' equivalent of Tracey and Hepburn).

She has a tremendous amount of fun here, banning books in the school library like CATCHER IN THE RYE, INVISIBLE MAN, and THE NAKED AND THE DEAD, and being an all-around stick-in-the-mud– obviously the complete opposite of her natural character.

Speaking of books, I must take a moment to plug hers, because I don't believe I've yet done so:  it's called SWIMMING UNDERGROUND, and it outlines her life experiences upon entering the New York/Warhol scene in the 60s and the many hilarious/terrifying/absurd tales therein.  I highly recommend it, along with her greatest filmic hits, like EATING RAOUL and DEATH RACE 2000.

In closing, this movie's certainly not the best in the world, but if you're at all invested in ROCK N' ROLL HIGH SCHOOL, the REBEL HIGHWAY series, or simply the abundant use of cult and character actors, you'll find a lot to like here.

Film Review: ROCK 'N ROLL HIGH SCHOOL (1979, Allan Arkush & Joe Dante)

Stars: 5 of 5.
Running Time:

Notable Cast or Crew: The Ramones, P.J. Soles, Paul Bartel, Mary Woronov, Roger Corman, Dick Miller, Clint Howard. Giant mouse FX by Rob Bottin (THE THING, ROBOCOP, TOTAL RECALL).

Tag-line: "Hey, ho, let's go!"
Best one-liner(s): "I'm FIRST in line! and if you don't like it, you can put it where the monkey puts the nuts!"
Best anecdote: Dee Dee Ramone was such a fine thespian that his lines were cut from five down to two, in the dressing room after the concert: "Hey, pizza!" and "Hey, pizza! It's great! Let's dig in!"

ROCK 'N ROLL HIGH SCHOOL is like that friend of yours who's eating salted nuts and licking their fingers while you're riding the subway together. And you're like 'Where did you get those nuts?' And you know what, your friend is eating those nuts out of their nasty lint-lined pocket. And they don't care. And that friend is like this movie- irreverent, random, and lettin' it stuff hang out all over the place. This film is a damned fun time. This is producer Roger Corman and directors Joe Dante and Allan Arkush at the height of their campy, infectiously fun powers. We've got the new evil principal played by Mary Woronov in a performance that would make most drag queens proud.

We got the legendary B-director and actor Paul Bartel as the formerly square Ramones-fan-in-training music teacher.

(And this is yet another of the over twenty collaborations between the legendary Mary Woronov and Paul Bartel (of EATING RAOUL fame) who you're bound to hear much more about on this blog.) We got Clint Howard as the high school equivalent of James Garner in THE GREAT ESCAPE. We, of course, got the Ramones, reveling in the fact they don't know how to act but excel at whipping high schoolers into a frenzy. And, finally, we got P.J. Soles as the incorrigible Riff Randell, who truly is the REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE for her generation,

leading revolts, skipping class, heckling the administration, and finally actually BLOWING UP THE SCHOOL in an act of youthful defiance (with a pyrotechnics shot which the penny pinching Corman continued to recycle, most notably in MUNCHIE STRIKES BACK).

Five stars of high school giddiness and a true last hurrah for 70's B-movies.

-Sean Gill