Friday, August 16, 2024

Only now does it occur to me... HIRED TO KILL (1990)

Only now does it occur to me... that HIRED TO KILL is the only movie where female commandos

 

are trained to impersonate runway models 

 

by Brian Thompson (usually a typecast heavy––COBRA, BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER, LIONHEART, THE X-FILES ––playing a Schwarzenegger-lite hero here) 

 

 

Sorta feels like TRUE LIES, if it were directed by Andy Sidaris

 

on the orders of Oscar-winner and literally phoned-in performer George Kennedy (COOL HAND LUKE, FLIGHT OF THE PHOENIX) 

 

to rescue political prisoner and fellow Oscar-winner José Ferrer (LAWRENCE OF ARABIA, MOULIN ROUGE)

 

from petty dictator Oliver Reed (GLADIATOR, THE DEVILS, THE BROOD, WOMEN IN LOVE)

 

Essentially doing Wilford Brimley cosplay?


who is, indeed, drunk and generally checked out enough so as to be indistinguishable from a cardboard cutout, a comparison which viewers can actually put to the test.

 

Cardboard cutout Oliver Reed...


versus the real McCoy.

On the whole, this mess––filmed in Greece, and set in the fictitious Mediterranean/South American country "Cypra"–– generally goes out of its way to make COMMANDO look like THE SEVENTH SEAL.

Saturday, August 3, 2024

Only now does it occur to me... KUNG-FU MASTER (1988)

Only now does it occur to me... that I must tip my hat to noted cat lover and French New Wave scamp Agnes Varda for making the most accurate video game adaptation of all time. That she does it in a twisted arthouse bildungsroman starring Jane Birkin and Charlotte Gainsbourg makes it all the more remarkable.

In a brief segment, Varda––who, bar none, is my favorite nouvelle vague gremlin–– recreates the stilted, sidescrolling action of arcade classic KUNG FU MASTER (a.k.a. SPARTAN X and SVT)

in a live action fantasy, down to the awkward walking animation, the weird crouches, and the unwieldy controls.

A+. What I wouldn't give to see Agnes Varda's MS. PAC-MAN.