Film Review: THE STUFF (1985, Larry Cohen)

Stars: 4.5 of 5.
Running Time: 87 minutes.
Tag-line: "It's smooth and creamy. It's low calorie and delicious. And it kills. It's The Stuff!"
Notable Cast or Crew: Michael Moriarty (TROLL, BANG THE DRUM SLOWLY), Andrea Marcovicci (THE HAND, THE FRONT), Garrett Morris (SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, MARTIN), Paul Sorvino (GOODFELLAS, ROMEO + JULIET), Danny Aiello (DO THE RIGHT THING, ONCE UPON A TIME IN AMERICA), Patrick O'Neal (UNDER SIEGE, THE WAY WE WERE), Abe Vigoda (THE GODFATHER, LOOK WHO'S TALKING), Brooke Adams (THE DEAD ZONE, INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS '78), Eric Bogosian (TALK RADIO, SUBURBIA), Patrick Dempsey (CAN'T BUY ME LOVE, GREY'S ANATOMY).
Best One-liner: "Ever'body has to eat shavin' cream once in a while."

Behold... THE STUFF.  (Or IL GELATO CHE UCCIDE––"the gelato that kills," according to the Italian poster.  You know, I think we should just go with that title instead!)  Technically, I already reviewed THE STUFF over six years ago, but a film as deliciously delirious as THE STUFF deserves more than a simple capsule-review.

THE STUFF is essentially THE BLOB for the 1980s, which is to say it's a "corporate" Blob, fully deregulated, and ready for the voracious consumers of the THEY LIVE generation.



Note the EYES OF LAURA MARS-chic: fur coats n' bathing suits!

The premise is simple: a taste sensation is sweeping the nation––it's called "The Stuff," and it's low in calories and high on tastee flavor.  The only problem is, eating it might transform you into an alien monster, equal parts THE BLOB, THE THING, and INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS.


It's tough to get people to care about side effects, though, cause The Stuff is so goddamned delicious and low in calories and did I mention how inexpensive it is?

Sure, the commentary is a little heavy-handed, but writer/director Larry Cohen was butting heads with Reagan-era consumerism, an age of such colorful greed that it's no stretch of the imagination whatsoever to have Abe Vigoda and the "Where's the Beef?" lady hawking The Stuff from the comfort of a yuppie eatery.

"Where's... the STUFF?"

Indeed, that is actually a scene from the film.  And that's why I love Larry Cohen––he's never afraid to take a Grand Guignol or MAD Magazine-style gag way too far.  My only complaint is that there was (so far as I know) no movie tie-in with a marshmallow fluff manufacturer.  Though obviously it would have clashed with the film's philosophical sensibilities, that has to be one of the major missed opportunities of our times.

In any event, here's some of my favorite stuff from THE STUFF:


#1. THE STUFF wastes no time.  In the first fifteen seconds of the film, we have an unlucky nightwatchman discover The Stuff and seal his fate by eating its fluffy goodness.


If this were actually a remake of THE BLOB, the run-time would probably be less than five minutes.  In short, I really appreciate a horror movie (see also: SLUGS) that really cuts to the chase. 


#2.  Michael Moriarty, playing an industrial spy named Mo ("The name's Mo Rutherford. They call me that 'cause when people give me money, I always want mo'."), delivering yet another one of his multifaceted method performances in the context of a B-movie.

He plays Mo as a likeable, easygoing Southern politician who puts a great deal of effort into making his extremely calculated, "aw shucks" persona feel spontaneous.  He's sort of a proto-Kevin Spacey from HOUSE OF CARDS, and it's the kind of work that might have garnered an Oscar nod if it didn't happen to be in a movie about killer marshmallows.


#3. SNL's Garrett Morris as "Chocolate Chip Charlie."

For about twenty-five minutes, THE STUFF becomes a buddy movie as Moriarty's industrial spy teams up with Garrett Morris' "Famous Amos"-inspired cookie man in order to battle The Stuff.  I swear Morris is improvising everything he does, from his dialogue to his karate moves.  I wholeheartedly approve.


#4. The Kiddie Element.  There's a reason THE STUFF is remembered fondly by so many thirty and fortysomethings, and it's because it enabled so many childhood fantasies––namely, that evil food is crawling around in your refrigerator unattended,

and that all the things your parents want you to eat are actually part of a BODY SNATCHERS-style alien conspiracy.

Hell, I'm pretty sure this was the basis for most of CALVIN & HOBBES.  And then there's the catharsis of mounting a kiddie assault on a grocery store with a rake handle:


Note: Playwright Eric Bogosian is one of the stock boys!

It's all pretty fantastic, creepy escapism.


#5.  Patrick Dempsey (later known as "McDreamy" or "McSteamy" or something, on the basis of his faux-Clooney/Anthony Edwards levels of popularity on GREY'S ANATOMY) as a New Wave-y "Stuff Junkie."

Obviously, I get a kick out of this sort of thing.

#6. A pre-respectability Danny Aiello as a spooked FDA official.

He only has about five minutes of screen-time, but he delivers a labyrinthine, layered performance as a public official who is being manipulated by his evil pet dog.  It sounds silly, but I'm not kidding––he infuses the role with a true and existential menace; it's like we're watching ROSEMARY'S BABY or a Harold Pinter play or something.


#7. The commercials.  I've alluded to these already, but THE STUFF is filled with wonderful fake commercials for the titular product, and they run the gamut from the ridiculous (the aforementioned Abe Vigoda/Where's the Beef crossover) to the sublime:



which includes Cannon Films-style "urban" dance choreography, absurd pop jingles, and celebrity cameos (such as Brooke Adams, Tammy Grimes, Laurene Landon, etc.).


#8.  The absolutely vicious corporate digs.  I really don't think Larry Cohen could get away with this stuff today.  For starters, he delves into the particulars of FDA regulation and directly compares the killer secret formula of The Stuff to that of... Coca-Cola.

Later, top executives are force-fed insane quantities of their own toxic product.  I have to imagine every time somebody watches THE STUFF, the CEOs from Burger King and McDonald's and Taco Bell shudder in their mansions somewhere and don't know why.

THE STUFF has balls!


#9. Is it a James Bond movie?

Most of the film's latter half takes place at a factory for The Stuff, and the machine-gun-toting employees all wear yellow jumpsuits, like they're henchmen from YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE or MOONRAKER or the like.  I can dig it.

#10. Paul Sorvino.  As a right-wing military man in the "General Jack D. Ripper" mold, Sorvino is frighteningly hilarious.

Whether he's screaming lines like "The Commie bastards took their own lives!" or commandeering a fleet of taxis (and commanding his soldiers to issue a ten-percent tip),

he's doing his best to steal the movie from Michael Moriarty.  He doesn't quite succeed, but it's a good showing.

In the end, THE STUFF is an irreverent, absurdist work of horror-comedy which frequently rings prophetic.  "Are you eatin' it or is it eatin' you?"  Four and a half stars.

–Sean Gill

2015 HALLOWEEN COUNTDOWN

1.  SCANNERS (1981, David Cronenberg)

2.  MICHAEL IRONSIDE: MENTAL SABOTEUR (2014, Karen Stetler)

3.  NOMADS (1986, John McTiernan)

4. ...

Only now does it occur to me... NOMADS

Only now does it occur to me... that 1980s bizarro arthouse fantasy-horror flick NOMADS (from director John McTiernan, whose work includes DIE HARD, PREDATOR, and LAST ACTION HERO) has––in addition to Pierce Brosnan doing a wonderfully ridiculous French accent–– some incredibly inspired and eclectic casting.

The eponymous band of nomads, who appear as post-apocalyptic 1980s biker punks straight out of CYBORG or ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK, happen to include rocker Adam Ant:

singer Josie Cotton (of "Johnny, Are You Queer?"):

sinister character actor Frank Doubleday (who I've referred to as "John Carpenter's Klaus Kinski" after his appearances in ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13 and ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK):

Alvin Ailey dancer and Cannon Films henchman Héctor Mercado (of DELTA FORCE 2 and DEATH WISH 4):
 
 and cult legend Mary Woronov (EATING RAOUL, ROCK N' ROLL HIGH SCHOOL).

I would've liked to have seen Paul Bartel also dressed as an 80s punk biker.

Hell, we even have David Lynch's favorite granny Frances Bay as a terrifying nun.

On the whole, NOMADS is an atmospheric fantasy thriller that, I guess, does for anthropology what JURASSIC PARK did for paleontology?

In closing, I never thought I would see Mary Woronov dancing creepily to Ted Nugent guitar riffs as Pierce Brosnan tries to photograph her, in the name of science.

There is at least a Ph.D's worth of behavioral science in this tableau.

2015 HALLOWEEN COUNTDOWN

1.  SCANNERS (1981, David Cronenberg)

2.  MICHAEL IRONSIDE: MENTAL SABOTEUR (2014, Karen Stetler)

3. ...

Film Review: MICHAEL IRONSIDE: MENTAL SABOTEUR (2014, Karen Stetler)

This short documentary is a simple, twenty-minute interview with Michael Ironside (beloved Junta Juleil Hall-of-Famer and star of SCANNERS).  It was included on Criterion's release of SCANNERS, and it was a good enough interview that I thought it deserved its own mini-writeup.

Shot in March of 2014, Ironside is incredibly forthcoming and speaks to a mix of topics, both weighty and jovial.

He dips into some interesting childhood anecdotes, including one about his grandfather "Jock" who turned him on to science fiction.  "I came from a very poor family. Our house was twelve and a half feet wide... very proud.  You had to be able to escape in books."

He describes becoming involved in the industry as an actor and a crew-person––anything to pay the bills.  "My father used to say that I ran away and joined the circus.  And he was right.  I would do anything to stay around the big top.  I would be in front of the camera, behind the camera, deliver food, I worked for production services for a while..."

He even did some behind-the-camera work on SCANNERS, literally pulling the trigger on the shotgun that exploded SCANNERS' most infamous special effect.

Also in regard to SCANNERS, he tells a sobering story about actor Larry Dane's back pain, describes the contact lens effects (some were borrowed from LITTLE BIG MAN), and coins the term "mental saboteur" in reference to his character, Darryl Revok. He has a lot of praise for Cronenberg as an actor-friendly director, and as a "navigator" of film who never loses his story-compass.

He also speaks about taking his first steps toward the larger, scarier world of Hollywood ("I went broke trying to stay in Canada...  I'd watched people go down to the States and come back with their tails between their legs").

The most amusing anecdote is the story of a dinner with co-star Jennifer O'Neill and her husband, and she asks him about what he's buying the crew for Christmas.  The massively underpaid Ironside says, "What am I buying the crew for Christmas?!––I'm trying to steal my own wardrobe!"  When he learns what salary Jennifer O'Neill is making, he flips his lid.  "It was a major growing moment for me," he says. "You can make a living doing this?"

In any event, this brief but densely-packed interview is well worth checking out, for fans of Ironside and Cronenberg alike.

2015 HALLOWEEN COUNTDOWN

1.  SCANNERS (1981, David Cronenberg)

2.  ...

Film Review: SCANNERS (1981, David Cronenberg)

Stars: 5 of 5.
Running Time: 103 minutes.
Tag-line: "There are 4 billion people on earth. 237 are Scanners. They have the most terrifying powers ever created... and they are winning."
Notable Cast or Crew:  Michael Ironside (TOTAL RECALL, EXTREME PREJUDICE, CHAINDANCE), Patrick McGoohan (THE PHANTOM, BRAVEHEART, THE PRISONER), Jennifer O'Neill (A FORCE OF ONE, RIO LOBO), Stephen Lack (DEAD RINGERS, HEAD ON), Lawrence Dane (HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, BRIDE OF CHUCKY), Robert A. Silverman (EXISTENZ, NAKED LUNCH, JASON X), Fred Doederlein (SHIVERS).  Music by Howard Shore (THE LORD OF THE RINGS, AFTER HOURS, VIDEODROME).  Cinematography by Mark Irwin (THE FLY, VIDEODROME, WES CRAVEN'S NEW NIGHTMARE, DUMB & DUMBER).
Best One-liner: "You murdered the future!"

SCANNERS is an achievement in unrelenting atmosphere. It is perhaps (along with VIDEODROME) the purest filmic distillation of a particular paranoid, Philip K. Dick-ian, modernist sci-fi vibe.  It is a film meant to be experienced, not quite digested; a sensory assault in varying modulations.  Sometimes it comes to you as white noise, sometimes it careens with a metallic shriek.


If THE BROOD (Cronenberg's previous feature) is his most personal film (dealing with the fallout of his divorce), then SCANNERS might be his most "impersonal."  This is a compliment.  The writing,  performances, set design, sound design, and direction conspire to keep you at an arm's length.  (I would say it is Cronenberg at his most Kubrickian.) The future is now, and it has all the sterility and detachment of a doctor's office, a psych ward, or a chemical storage depot.

It settles around you, slowly but relentlessly, like silt collecting on a river bottom, suddenly pressing down, pressing down... invisible, a force field, a barely perceptible hum, like someone's thumbing through your mind, aimlessly flipping the pages... like you're being scanned––

OH DEAR LORD!

SCANNERS is perhaps an unusual film to kick off my Halloween season, but for all of its sci-fi trappings, I would say that it aims primarily to disquiet and unsettle.  It is a horror film in the sense that ERASERHEAD is a horror film; it's not a "crowd-pleaser," but you stumble out of the theater afterward, staggering down streets you thought you knew so well, but now, under the film's spell, feel somehow different.  Malevolent.  This movie has a half-life.  It lingers.  Howard Shore's incredibly atmospheric electro-mayhem penetrates your mind; it sounds like early Wendy Carlos, the deep cuts, like the music they briefly use while torturing Alex DeLarge.

In one of the film's rare, human moments, an artist (played by character actor Robert A. Silverman, a favorite of Cronenberg's) confronts cold, sterile modernity through his sculpture.

"My art... keeps me sane," he says.  "Art.  Sane."  In this moment, though you realize that the character is not quite reaching his goal of long-term sanity, perhaps it is Cronenberg himself making this confession.
 
The sculptor's art includes an enormous, walk-in head.  SCANNERS is not unlike this sculpture; a sensory journey deep within the mind, evoking feelings of surprise, wonder, and dread.

You may have noticed that I'm going out of my way not to describe the plot of SCANNERS, which is a mystery best unfolded by a first-time viewer.  I'm not even going to divulge what happens in the immediate aftermath of this screen capture,

an image that has likely been spoiled for you already by popular culture, even if you've never heard of SCANNERS.

Instead, I'm going to take my usual jaunt down Minutiae Lane, and place a few, out-of-context specifics under my microscope.

#1.  I have seen your dystopian future... and it is a Canadian megamall from the 1980s!


I kinda love it... obviously.


#2. THE PRISONER keeps a prisoner.


At one point, THE PRISONER's Patrick McGoohan is holding Stephen Lack captive in a medical facility.  McGoohan is always great, and here he's occupying an early Cronenbergian archetype––that of the semi-creepy, semi-fatherly techno-sage.  See also: Oliver Reed's "Dr. Raglan" in THE BROOD or Jack Creley's "Brian O'Blivion" in VIDEODROME.


#3. Mark Irwin's Cinematography.

His lens captures that Canadian color palette so well.  His framing is exceptional, glossy and sterile––he does much of the heavy lifting in building the aforementioned "paranoid modernist" atmosphere.


#4. Dick Smith's (and his team, who included Stephan Dupuis, Brigitte McCaughry, Constant Natale, Tom Schwartz, and a young Chris Walas, who went on to direct THE FLY II) incredible makeup effects.  While not quite as intensely imaginative as what Rick Baker and Co. would create for VIDEODROME, the work here is exceptional––


creepy, veiny, and "new-fleshy," all the way.


#5. While SCANNERS is no action movie, "it ain't an action movie till they blow up a gas station" is still permitted to apply.

FOOOOSH


#6. Ironside, Ironside, Ironside!  In his breakout role, the legendary Michael Ironside delights and terrifies as the mysterious Darryl Revok.  In a film where the other actors proceed with nearly Bressonian detachment, Ironside is on the loose and off the chain (dance).  He delivers all the best lines, things like "We're gonna do it the scanner way––I'm gonna suck your brain dry!"  He even gets to be suave with a glass of scotch, like a Bond villain in the third act, and I approve of that.

SCANNERS could be described as a "film" or it could be described as a museum of frightening Ironside facial contortions.






At least one of these is Ironside's O-face, and now you can never wipe that thought from your mind.

I've often thought of Ironside as the Canadian Jack Nicholson (and the breadth of his talent is such that it's a shame he hasn't been cast in more Nicholsonian roles).  There's one scene in particular of Ironside in mental hospital, and he feels very much like Nicholson's "McMurphy" from CUCKOO'S NEST


Ironside spills water...


...and so does Nicholson.

Furthermore, Ironside peels off that cryptic n' creepy third eye bandage

and I'm seeing shades of J.J. Gittes in CHINATOWN:

Coincidence?  Or is it one of those weird, Busey/Nolte döppelganger-things that science can't explain?  I'd also like to see Ironside as The Joker in BATMAN (though we kind of already have) or as Jack Torrance in THE SHINING.  Then, I'd like to see Nicholson's take on FREE WILLY and HIGHLANDER II: THE QUICKENING.

#7. So, the SCANNERS end credits are done in the mode of a DOS terminal, which is stylistically and thematically appropriate to the film.

At the very end, the screen blips to green and then to black, but I was sure I saw some hidden text in there.  I freeze-framed and saw this:

It says "MAX SECURITY SELF DESTRUCT SECONDS 1" and then blips out of existence.  Perhaps some other movie has done this before, but so far as I know, SCANNERS is the only film to ever successfully self-destruct!  (I'd seen SCANNERS three times before this latest viewing, and I'd never noticed this detail before.)

Five stars.

–Sean Gill