Film Review: HIGHWAY TO HELL (1992, Ate de Jong)

Stars: 4 of 5.
Running Time: 94 minutes.
Tag-line: "If there's one thing worse than dying and going to Hell, it's not dying – and going to Hell."
Notable Cast or Crew: Chad Lowe (Rob's brother), Kristy Swanson (DEADLY FRIEND, BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER), Patrick Bergin (SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY, PATRIOT GAMES), Adam Storke (MYSTIC PIZZA, Larry Underwood in Mick Garris' THE STAND), Jarrett Lennon (CHEERS, FREAKS & GEEKS), Richard Farnsworth (THE STRAIGHT STORY, MISERY), Lita Ford (of "The Runaways"), Anne Meara (FAME, THE DAYTRIPPERS), Jerry Stiller (SEINFELD, HAIRSPRAY), Ben Stiller (REALITY BITES, EMPIRE OF THE SUN), Gilbert Gottfried (ALADDIN, BEVERLY HILLS COP II), Kevin Peter Hall ("The Predator" in PREDATOR, "Harry" in HARRY AND THE HENDERSONS). Special Effects by Randall William Cook (FRIGHT NIGHT, THE THING, Jackson's LORD OF THE RINGS, GHOSTBUSTERS, POLTERGEIST II). Matte paintings by Rocco Gioffre (BLADE RUNNER, ROBOCOP) and Mark Sullivan (KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE, THE PHANTOM MENACE). Cinematography by Robin Vidgeon (HELLRAISER, NIGHTBREED, THE FLY II). Written by Brian Helgeland (MYSTIC RIVER, NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 4, L.A. CONFIDENTIAL). Directed by Ate de Jong (DROP DEAD FRED).
Best One-liner: "When I come home from a long day in Hell, there's nothing I'd rather reach for than a fire-brewed bottle of Styx Beer. Made from the filthiest waters from our own River Styx. Styx Beer is a third more toxic than any other regular beer. The worst beer - the filthiest beer - the deadliest beer. It's Styx Beer!"

HIGHWAY TO HELL... where have you been all my life? Shot in 1989 and dumped straight-to-video in 1992 (after a limited release), it took a long time for this wacky little horror-adventure-comedy to find its much deserved cult audience. 

A twisted retelling of the Orpheus and Eurydice myth glimpsed through a "what-if-Tim-Burton-and-Clive-Barker-made-LITTLE-MONSTERS?" lens, Dutch director Ate de Jong dives into the material with visually inventive flourish (think Sam Raimi or Richard Rush) and a goofball sense of humor (imagine MAD Magazine with a Euro-arthouse cool factor).

 

Here, our Orpheus and Eurydice are two road-tripping elopers, played by Chad Lowe and Kristy Swanson. 

Despite a prolific television resume, Chad Lowe never managed to match his brother Rob for relevance, though his performance here is certainly likable and persistent. As "Orpheus," it's mostly his journey and therefore he gets the most screen-time. Kristy Swanson's late '80s star had been on the rise, between DEADLY FRIEND, FLOWERS IN THE ATTIC, FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF, MANNEQUIN 2, and HOT SHOTS, though mostly this film places her in in a series of "distressed damsel" scenarios. I can't help but wonder if this film would have found greater purchase with more charismatic leads, somewhere in the vein of Nic Cage/Christian Slater/Woody Harrelson or Jennifer Jason Leigh/Winona Ryder/Bridget Fonda. That being said, Lowe and Swanson do a serviceable job, and they do manage the feeling of two naïve waifs unexpectedly encountering the depths of hell.

Their Route 66 honeymoon road trip is interrupted by a demonic state trooper (C.J. Graham, "Jason" in FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 6) who is part Freddy Krueger, part Cenobite, and part THE HILLS HAVE EYES. 

 

Naturally, he has the vanity plate "DAMNED." 

Using "hand cuffs" that are literal, zombified hands (the first of the film's many visual puns and sight gags)

 the demonic trooper kidnaps Eurydice and takes her through a portal to hell in the Arizona desert.

Taking advice from "Last Chance" gas station owner Richard Farnsworth, Lowe's Orpheus decides to enter the portal to Hades himself and save his fiancée.

It's a nice bit part for the pathos-exuding Farnsworth (Oscar nominated for David Lynch's THE STRAIGHT STORY), who also tells Lowe he's got "the wrong car for this kinda road." [Devotees of THE STRAIGHT STORY, which came out in 1999, will note that this weirdly foreshadows an aspect of that film, where Farnsworth's character, against all advice, drives a ride-on mower cross-country to see his dying brother!]

So Lowe's Orpheus blasts through the hellmouth (in a very BACK TO THE FUTURE-inspired moment) and finds himself in a surreal desert afterlife, somehow equal parts AIRPLANE!,  MAD MAX, and HELL COMES TO FROGTOWN.

(I believe that the sole purpose of his red 49ers cap is to reference Harry Dean Stanton's desert wanderings in Wim Wenders' PARIS, TEXAS.)

 

There are many incredible set-pieces during Orpheus' journey through Hades, and while I wouldn't dream of spoiling them all, I'll set the scene with a few:

Picture it: Pluto's Donuts, a perverted post-Americana 1950s diner that becomes a Stiller family affair, with Anne Meara playing Medea (as a diner waitress),

her husband Jerry Stiller, playing an insistent customer (and dead highway patrolman)
 

and their son Ben Stiller, playing a whiny line cook (in the first of two roles).

 

The visuals throughout are extremely detailed and inventive, and there's a PEE-WEE'S PLAYHOUSE kind of claymation beauty in even the corniest moments. 

 

 Next, consider Hoffa's, a hellish casino

where Genghis Khan (Ben Stiller again), Cleopatra (sister Amy Stiller), and Hitler (Gilbert Gottfried, of course) 

 whine about the poor service, while the table next to them is reserved for 

Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi, martial law enthusiast Imelda Marcos, apartheid brute P.W. Botha, and... Jerry Lewis. This is probably the best illustration of what kind of tone this movie means to convey; in fact, your mileage may vary (on the road to hell). Which is paved with:

 

I admire the inspired, wacko choice to have hell's civic infrastructure run by an unsettling army of Andy Warhols

 who pave hell's roads with a conveyor belt of screaming, freshly deceased victims.

 

Along the way, we witness advertisements for Styx beer (see: best-one liner, above)

and, through the magic of Rocco Gioffre and Mark Sullivan's gorgeous matte paintings, glimpse Hell City and its notorious traffic jams. 

 

 

As Lowe's Orpheus continues his descent

 

 

 (damn, they actually got permission to shoot in Antelope Canyon!) 

he meets a rogue's gallery of characters and cameos, some of whom bear mentioning. Former Runaway and solo artist Lita Ford appears as a hitchhiker:

 

seven-foot-tall character actor Kevin Peter Hall (PREDATOR, HARRY AND THE HENDERSONS) plays a creepy, eyes-sewn-shut Charon:

 

Adam Storke plays sort of rebel prince from hell (seen here acting alongside Kristy Swanson's statement vest):

 

and the deliciously deranged Patrick Bergin (I once did a deep dive into how thoroughly his performance steals the movie SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY) who appears first as a suspiciously earnest "Satanic Mechanic"

 

and later, in a turn, as a nearly Willy Wonka-ish take on Old Scratch.

 

Oh, and did I mention that this thing has the best depiction of Cerberus in film history?

 

So hitch a ride on the HIGHWAY TO HELL: stop-motion monsters, desert madness, post-apocalyptic Americana, and an exquisite, cult movie tone. You'll be left wishing that Ate de Jong had been given greater opportunities in Hollywood to wield his particular brand of zany-satirical creativity. (Though, we'll always have the oeuvre of his fellow Dutch satirist, Paul Verhoeven.)

Only now does it occur to me... LOST IN AMERICA (1985)

Only now does it occur to me... that a throwaway line in Albert Brooks' road-trip satire may have influenced the TERMINATOR franchise.

During a brief exchange between Brooks, Julie Hagerty, and a motorcycle cop (that ends with a ticket being avoided due to a mutual appreciation of EASY RIDER), Brooks says:

"Did you see THE TERMINATOR?" 



–"No, I didn't. Heard about it, though."


"You should see it. You look like him."


"Thank you."

Now, since LOST IN AMERICA was made in 1985, Brooks must be referring to Cameron's original TERMINATOR (from 1984), drawing a humorous comparison based on the cop's demeanor and sunglasses, comparing him to Arnold Schwarzenegger's titular character. However, while the cop doesn't actually resemble Arnold in any meaningful way, he is a dead ringer for Robert Patrick's motorcycle cop-impersonating T-1000 in TERMINATOR 2: JUDGMENT DAY...

...which was not released until six years later, in 1991. So maybe James Cameron was watching LOST IN AMERICA when he decided he needed a motorcycle cop Terminator? Or perhaps Brooks is referring to Patrick, whom he glimpsed in a time-traveling VHS copy of TERMINATOR 2. (Which must have been the splitting point for the Berenstain Bears parallel universe.)

Film Review: THE GIRL ON A MOTORCYCLE (1968, Jack Cardiff)

Stars: 3 of 5.
Running Time: 91 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Marianne Faithfull, Alain Delon (LE CERCLE ROGUE, RED SUN), Roger Mutton (THE CHARGE OF THE LIGHT BRIGADE). Music by Les Reed (CREEPSHOW 2, onetime member of the John Barry Seven).
Tag-line: "The film sensation of the year!"
Best one-liner: "Rebellion is the only thing that keeps you alive!"
AKA: NAKED UNDER LEATHER.

Europe's answer to EASY RIDER? More like FASTER, PUSSYCAT, PRETENTIOUS VOICEOVER. And that's not altogether a bad thing. A straight-laced cellist somberly plays in the midst of a wonky circus:

Tears stream down the face of Marianne Faithfull:

Alain Delon, riding a motorcycle, crashes the party, smiling like a total douche:

Clowns chase him:

Marianne cries. Suddenly, she's atop a horse. Delon is whipping her clothes off!


Disorienting wide-angle shots! More clowns! Pink filters! Horses! Birds! Horses and birds!

And we're not even five minutes into the movie! The majority of the film is Marianne riding around on a motorcycle dressed in Leather Tuscadero's catsuit (well, I guess it's the other way around). Much ado is made of the fact that she wears nothing beneath her catsuit. I imagine that not only would that be pretty uncomfortable, but that the suit would get pretty rank after riding across Europe unlaundered. Since the film was not presented in Smell-O-Vision, however, I suppose it's a moot point.

I don't know why I'm showing you this.

The cinematography is astonishing. Director Jack Cardiff made his name as a DP on many a Powell & Pressburger production, and the film certainly features some of the most compelling 'driving footage' I've ever seen.

Too bad it's accompanied by whiny, stream-of-consciousness, pseudo-revolutionary voiceover that would make even Wim Wenders blush. As she puts on her catsuit: "Skin...it's like skin...I'm like an animal." She refers to her bike as a "black pimp" and talks much of war, rebellion, and free love. It's difficult to flirt with profundity, however, when an equal emphasis is being placed on her catsuit-zipper cleavage.

Nonsensicality rules the day. At one point, it's absolutely valid to query "Is this a flashback or an alternate psychedelic universe?"


At another point, there's a whirling 'Fondue POV' shot- somewhere, Dario Argento is shuddering in ecstasy and doesn't know why.

And the jaw-dropping fiery finale (with an exploding VW Bug!) bumps this wreck up to three loopy stars.

KERSMASH

-Sean Gill