Film Review: THE STUFF (1985, Larry Cohen)

Stars: 4.5 of 5.
Running Time: 87 minutes.
Tag-line: "It's smooth and creamy. It's low calorie and delicious. And it kills. It's The Stuff!"
Notable Cast or Crew: Michael Moriarty (TROLL, BANG THE DRUM SLOWLY), Andrea Marcovicci (THE HAND, THE FRONT), Garrett Morris (SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, MARTIN), Paul Sorvino (GOODFELLAS, ROMEO + JULIET), Danny Aiello (DO THE RIGHT THING, ONCE UPON A TIME IN AMERICA), Patrick O'Neal (UNDER SIEGE, THE WAY WE WERE), Abe Vigoda (THE GODFATHER, LOOK WHO'S TALKING), Brooke Adams (THE DEAD ZONE, INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS '78), Eric Bogosian (TALK RADIO, SUBURBIA), Patrick Dempsey (CAN'T BUY ME LOVE, GREY'S ANATOMY).
Best One-liner: "Ever'body has to eat shavin' cream once in a while."

Behold... THE STUFF.  (Or IL GELATO CHE UCCIDE––"the gelato that kills," according to the Italian poster.  You know, I think we should just go with that title instead!)  Technically, I already reviewed THE STUFF over six years ago, but a film as deliciously delirious as THE STUFF deserves more than a simple capsule-review.

THE STUFF is essentially THE BLOB for the 1980s, which is to say it's a "corporate" Blob, fully deregulated, and ready for the voracious consumers of the THEY LIVE generation.



Note the EYES OF LAURA MARS-chic: fur coats n' bathing suits!

The premise is simple: a taste sensation is sweeping the nation––it's called "The Stuff," and it's low in calories and high on tastee flavor.  The only problem is, eating it might transform you into an alien monster, equal parts THE BLOB, THE THING, and INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS.


It's tough to get people to care about side effects, though, cause The Stuff is so goddamned delicious and low in calories and did I mention how inexpensive it is?

Sure, the commentary is a little heavy-handed, but writer/director Larry Cohen was butting heads with Reagan-era consumerism, an age of such colorful greed that it's no stretch of the imagination whatsoever to have Abe Vigoda and the "Where's the Beef?" lady hawking The Stuff from the comfort of a yuppie eatery.

"Where's... the STUFF?"

Indeed, that is actually a scene from the film.  And that's why I love Larry Cohen––he's never afraid to take a Grand Guignol or MAD Magazine-style gag way too far.  My only complaint is that there was (so far as I know) no movie tie-in with a marshmallow fluff manufacturer.  Though obviously it would have clashed with the film's philosophical sensibilities, that has to be one of the major missed opportunities of our times.

In any event, here's some of my favorite stuff from THE STUFF:


#1. THE STUFF wastes no time.  In the first fifteen seconds of the film, we have an unlucky nightwatchman discover The Stuff and seal his fate by eating its fluffy goodness.


If this were actually a remake of THE BLOB, the run-time would probably be less than five minutes.  In short, I really appreciate a horror movie (see also: SLUGS) that really cuts to the chase. 


#2.  Michael Moriarty, playing an industrial spy named Mo ("The name's Mo Rutherford. They call me that 'cause when people give me money, I always want mo'."), delivering yet another one of his multifaceted method performances in the context of a B-movie.

He plays Mo as a likeable, easygoing Southern politician who puts a great deal of effort into making his extremely calculated, "aw shucks" persona feel spontaneous.  He's sort of a proto-Kevin Spacey from HOUSE OF CARDS, and it's the kind of work that might have garnered an Oscar nod if it didn't happen to be in a movie about killer marshmallows.


#3. SNL's Garrett Morris as "Chocolate Chip Charlie."

For about twenty-five minutes, THE STUFF becomes a buddy movie as Moriarty's industrial spy teams up with Garrett Morris' "Famous Amos"-inspired cookie man in order to battle The Stuff.  I swear Morris is improvising everything he does, from his dialogue to his karate moves.  I wholeheartedly approve.


#4. The Kiddie Element.  There's a reason THE STUFF is remembered fondly by so many thirty and fortysomethings, and it's because it enabled so many childhood fantasies––namely, that evil food is crawling around in your refrigerator unattended,

and that all the things your parents want you to eat are actually part of a BODY SNATCHERS-style alien conspiracy.

Hell, I'm pretty sure this was the basis for most of CALVIN & HOBBES.  And then there's the catharsis of mounting a kiddie assault on a grocery store with a rake handle:


Note: Playwright Eric Bogosian is one of the stock boys!

It's all pretty fantastic, creepy escapism.


#5.  Patrick Dempsey (later known as "McDreamy" or "McSteamy" or something, on the basis of his faux-Clooney/Anthony Edwards levels of popularity on GREY'S ANATOMY) as a New Wave-y "Stuff Junkie."

Obviously, I get a kick out of this sort of thing.

#6. A pre-respectability Danny Aiello as a spooked FDA official.

He only has about five minutes of screen-time, but he delivers a labyrinthine, layered performance as a public official who is being manipulated by his evil pet dog.  It sounds silly, but I'm not kidding––he infuses the role with a true and existential menace; it's like we're watching ROSEMARY'S BABY or a Harold Pinter play or something.


#7. The commercials.  I've alluded to these already, but THE STUFF is filled with wonderful fake commercials for the titular product, and they run the gamut from the ridiculous (the aforementioned Abe Vigoda/Where's the Beef crossover) to the sublime:



which includes Cannon Films-style "urban" dance choreography, absurd pop jingles, and celebrity cameos (such as Brooke Adams, Tammy Grimes, Laurene Landon, etc.).


#8.  The absolutely vicious corporate digs.  I really don't think Larry Cohen could get away with this stuff today.  For starters, he delves into the particulars of FDA regulation and directly compares the killer secret formula of The Stuff to that of... Coca-Cola.

Later, top executives are force-fed insane quantities of their own toxic product.  I have to imagine every time somebody watches THE STUFF, the CEOs from Burger King and McDonald's and Taco Bell shudder in their mansions somewhere and don't know why.

THE STUFF has balls!


#9. Is it a James Bond movie?

Most of the film's latter half takes place at a factory for The Stuff, and the machine-gun-toting employees all wear yellow jumpsuits, like they're henchmen from YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE or MOONRAKER or the like.  I can dig it.

#10. Paul Sorvino.  As a right-wing military man in the "General Jack D. Ripper" mold, Sorvino is frighteningly hilarious.

Whether he's screaming lines like "The Commie bastards took their own lives!" or commandeering a fleet of taxis (and commanding his soldiers to issue a ten-percent tip),

he's doing his best to steal the movie from Michael Moriarty.  He doesn't quite succeed, but it's a good showing.

In the end, THE STUFF is an irreverent, absurdist work of horror-comedy which frequently rings prophetic.  "Are you eatin' it or is it eatin' you?"  Four and a half stars.

–Sean Gill

2015 HALLOWEEN COUNTDOWN

1.  SCANNERS (1981, David Cronenberg)

2.  MICHAEL IRONSIDE: MENTAL SABOTEUR (2014, Karen Stetler)

3.  NOMADS (1986, John McTiernan)

4. ...

GIANT OSCAR MESS: Best Wackified Solo Dance

In my continuing coverage of GIANT OSCAR MESS (best described HERE), I present to you the nominees for BEST WACKIFIED SOLO DANCE IN A MOTION PICTURE. And the winner was... ....Mark Patton in A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 2, for special achievement in multi-tasking between doing a wackified solo dance and completing his housework. (to be continued...)

Film Review: THE STUFF (1985, Larry Cohen)

Stars: 5 of 5.
Running Time: 93 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Michael Moriarty, Danny Aiello, Garrett Morris, Paul Sorvino
Tag-lines: "Are you eating it ...or is it eating you?"
Best one-liner: "The yellow sons of bitches, they took their own lives! Commie bastards, you cheated me!"

"The name's Mo Rutherford. They call me that 'cause when people give me money, I always want mo'." Mo is played by a wise-cracking ("No one is as dumb as I appear to be"), Southern accented, method-acting, yellow-jumpsuit-wearing powerhouse, Michael Moriarty.


"Hit the juice!"

Whatever he's in, he's going to be effin' amazing. And when he teams up with Larry Cohen, part B-horror maestro and part channeler of classic genre Hollywood (Hawks, Fuller, etc.), the results are never short of satisfying. THE STUFF is a Reaganized, consumerized, 80's update of THE BLOB, with poster art that scarred a generation of susceptible children.

From its low-key opening scene depicting the arctic discovery of 'the Stuff' to the hardcore military shitstorm at the finish, it's silly as all hell, but as soon as you laugh too hard and you're caught unawares, it swats you in the nuts with the stick that is cogent social commentary. Cohen's commentary has always been a little less subtle than, say, George Romero's, but when immersed in the madness that is of one of his films, it certainly doesn't matter. With SNL's Garrett Morris as a Famous Amos stand-in cookie magnate, Paul Sorvino as a jingoistic, racist army Colonel, and Danny Aiello as a victim of 'the Stuff,' Moriarty and Cohen are well supported. Five foamy, creamy white scrumptious stars.

"You're supposed to EAT IT, that's all! You eat it and eat as much of it as you can and you KEEP eating it!"

-Sean Gill

Film Review: THE LAST DETAIL (1973, Hal Ashby)

Stars: 5 of 5.
Running Time: 103 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Jack Nicholson, Randy Quaid (MIDNIGHT EXPRESS, MAJOR LEAGUE II), Michael Moriarty (TROLL, THE STUFF, IT'S ALIVE III: ISLAND OF THE ALIVE), Otis Young (BLOOD BEACH, THE HOLLYWOOD KNIGHTS), Carol Kane (LICENSE TO DRIVE, THE PRINCESS BRIDE), Gilda Radner, Nancy Allen (ROBOCOP, BLOW OUT), writer Robert Towne.
Tag-lines: "No *#@!!* Navy's going to give some poor **!!@* kid eight years in the #@!* brig without me taking him out for the time of his *#@!!* life. "
Best one-liner: "I am the motherfucking shore patrol, motherfucker! I am the motherfucking shore patrol! Give this man a beer!"

Scripted by Robert Towne (CHINATOWN, SHAMPOO), directed by Hal Ashby (BEING THERE, HAROLD AND MAUDE), and based on the novel by Darryl Ponicsan, THE LAST DETAIL is a grand rumination on injustice, indoctrination, the privileged, and the complex dynamics that bind them together, and it's a film that's as prone to hilarity as it is to soul-crushing angst. It's a film of train stations and travel lockers, of Schlitz and Pabst and shitty hotel rooms; of fear and regret and bravado and rage.

It's about that class of people (which is comprised of nearly every one of us) who are instruments in a flawed system and powerless to do anything but bitch, bitch, bitch. And we're really good at that. Really good at expending all of our righteous indignation at the wrong people, at putting more energy into bitching instead of taking action.

But what can we do? Suppress our emotions until they explode (invariably, at the wrong time)? Maybe we should just stick to that. Do the job. Deliver the man. Listen to your handlers. Just keep moving so nothing sinks in. Drink your drink and mouth off; take out your frustrations on the wrong people, the other cogs like you. Maybe crack a joke or two to make yourself feel like more of a man and less like a lackey. Repeat.

Nicholson lives up to the hype: highly volatile and extremely complex. Otis Young is fantastic as well, and truly holds his own against Nicholson. (Young really should have had the chance to work more.) Youthful Randy Quaid is bumbling and extremely sympathetic. Brief appearances by Gilda Radner, Nancy Allen, and Carol Kane add feminine flavor amidst the masculinity, and the icing on the cake is Michael Moriarty, popping up in the final act as one of those asshole 'handlers' I was talking about. Excellent, excellent, excellent film, and one of those perfect, iconic fusions of script, direction, and acting that seemed to flow so effortlessly out of the 1970's. Five stars.

-Sean Gill