Only now does it occur to me... BLUE THUNDER (1983)

 Only now does it occur to me...  that I waited way too long to watch BLUE THUNDER.

Directed by John Badham (SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER, WARGAMES), and written by Dan O'Bannon (ALIEN, THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD, John Carpenter's DARK STAR) and Don Jakoby (DEATH WISH 3, ARACHNOPHOBIA, John Carpenter's VAMPIRES), it's a thriller about the militarization of our police forces and the obliteration of personal privacy. It's about brave whistleblowers and bitchin', fully rad helicopters; possibly the median point between SNOWDEN and AIRWOLF.


The inimitable Roy Scheider stars as an LAPD helicopter pilot (battling PTSD from Vietnam) who's paired with a nerdy rookie (Daniel Stern),

and bossed around by a crusty but lovable Warren Oates

who is given an ample platform to growl "goddammit" and "you bright-eyed sons of bitches" with impunity, and chide the newbie Stern with monologues like: "You're supposed to be stupid, son, don't abuse the privilege.... for Chrissakes, I had 20 years in this outfit when your idea of a big time was sittin in front of the TV tube, watchin' Bugs Bunny and gnawin' on your Fudgesicle!"

Candy Clark appears in a brilliant supporting role as Roy Scheider's ex-wife; at the beginning, at least, it feels like outtakes from the most depressing domestic scenes in ALL THAT JAZZ.

"Goddamn your Black Irish heart, Frank Murphy!"

Malcolm McDowell plays the villain of the piece, obviously, named Colonel Cochran (and I'm going to continue with my conspiracy theories about HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH being an inspiration to filmmakers everywhere), a nefarious Brit who was essentially a prep-school bully to Roy Scheider back in 'Nam (there are flashbacks).

He wears turtlenecks and uses "Catch you later!" as his evil catchphrase, which is fine, I guess.  It's okay, I think he's having fun.

"Catch you later!"

In all, it's a genuinely exciting conspiracy thriller with high stakes, despite sorta feeling like a big-budget episode of (the aforementioned) AIRWOLF, or even MACGUYVER. Prefiguring TOP GUN by three years, when its politics begin to show, it presents itself as anto-jingoist, opposing in every way the values of post-TOP GUN, Michael Bay school of filmmaking. In BLUE THUNDER, military technology is to be feared, not fetishized; and it depicts the new generation of Reagan-era jet fighter jockeys and their masters as schlubs propped-up by propaganda, accidentally firing heat-seeking missiles into a BBQ joint (because of misinterpreted thermal imaging) and into an office building (whose windows are reflecting the rays of the sun).


Also: Roy Schneider flies a helicopter upside down while screaming "Come on, you tub of shit!" which is without a doubt the "Smile, you sonofabitch!" moment of this movie.


If that's not enough of an endorsement, I don't know what is.





P.S.––Coming soon: horror films for Halloween.

Only now does it occur to me... ALIEN: RESURRECTION

Only now does it occur to me...  that the finest moment in this chapter of the ALIEN saga is when Brad Dourif comes face to face with a Xenomorph (behind "safety" glass) and proceeds to out-do, out-weird, out-smooch, and out-crazy H.R. Giger's macabre creation.


Can a mere mortal (with only inspired facial expressions at his disposal) be more bizarre, more outlandish than a phallic, goopy, black lacquered S&M monster with a mouth-inside-its-mouth and a decades-old cult following?  The answer is, plainly:  YES.

It also bears mentioning that ALIEN: RESURRECTION is not nearly so bad as its reputation, and is a fairly enjoyable Euro-trash romp featuring nice character-actor performances from Dourif, Ron Perlman, Dan Hedaya, J.E. Freeman, and Dominique Pinon.  There are some really nice latex-ey creature effects juxtaposed with some horrible 90s CGI; Winona Ryder joins the ranks of Ian Holm and Lance Henriksen as an android; and Sigourney Weaver gets to do a zany, basketball-themed "action" scene, the best/worst of its kind since ESCAPE FROM L.A.  Amen!

Film Review: LIFEFORCE (1985, Tobe Hooper)

Stars: 3 of 5.
Running Time: 116 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Steve Railsback (ESCAPE 2000, SAVE ME), Patrick Stewart (DUNE, X-MEN, STAR TREK), Peter Firth (THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER, TESS), Frank Finlay (THE PIANIST, THE WILD GEESE), Mathilda May (A GIRL CUT IN TWO, THE JACKAL), Aubrey Morris (Deltoid in A CLOCKWORK ORANGE), possible narration by John Larroquette (uncredited and unconfirmed)? Music by Henry Mancini (THE PINK PANTHER, CHARADE). Cinematography by Alan Hume (RETURN OF THE JEDI, RUNAWAY TRAIN).
Tag-line: "In outer space they unleashed a force more evil than the world had ever imagined!..." Best one-liner: Lotta good ones. Maybe "The web of destiny carries your blood and soul back to the genesis of my lifeform." or perhaps "Well, I'm fascinated by death itself. What happens as we die, when we die. What happens after we die."

LIFEFORCE, Tobe Hooper's first of three collaborations with Golan & Globus' Cannon Films (the others being TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2 and INVADERS FROM MARS), definitely seems as if it's the end-result of a ten-way tug of war that ended with maybe a 6-hour movie being cut down to 2.

I feel like Tobe wanted to both capitalize on POLTERGEIST and step out from behind Spielberg's shadow, creating his own work of intense visual spectacle and whirling, ghostly sci-fi FX.

I feel like Dan O'Bannon (and co-writer Don Jakoby) wanted to create an epic creature-feature in the mold of ALIEN, but with a sprinkling of RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD (which had very similar corpse FX, and which O'Bannon released the same year).


Finally, I think producers Golan & Globus wanted a movie that'd rake in the big bucks AND feature a female space vampire who was constantly naked, and maybe remind people of SUPERMAN II in a roundabout sorta way.


In conclusion, it ended up as a mess that basically disappointed everyone. But it's certainly a watchable mess, and for that, I shall applaud it. There's a lot going on here: Our hero is Steve Railsback.

Kinda the poor man's Tommy Lee Jones, Railsback is one of those actors (like Christopher George), who makes such bizarre choices, that I honestly can't tell if he's brilliant or terrible. There is no middle ground: he's one of those two things. I just can't tell which. I'm leaning toward brilliant. He definitely brings a distinctive energy to the clichéd "waking up screaming" scene.

YAHHHHHHHHHHHH

And he dives into line readings like "LET ME GO! LET ME GO! LET ME GO! LET ME GO!" with genuine élan. At one point he emotes: "Despite appearances, THIS WOMAN IS A MASOCHIST!"

Actually, I think Railsback may be right.

and begins slapping her. Yup.

And I appreciate the sincerity with which the line ""We're deploying the specimen bag" is uttered, when we know he knows that the 'high-tech specimen bag' is just a cheap net,

and he knows that we know that, but he runs it up the flagpole anyway. Good show.

The soundtrack, by Henry Mancini, is a real head-scratcher. It sounds like he thought he was composing for a movie about Medieval jousting, not space vampires. The production design is very James Bond-ian. In fact, frequently it feels more like a 60's spy thriller than an 80's Cannon sci-fi. The editing is choppy and disjointed. It doesn't help that we have what feels like minutes of unwanted narration near the beginning (which suddenly disappears for the rest of the film's duration). The FX look great for a Cannon film. Blood blasts out of orifices and congeals into a sanguinary Jell-O woman who collapses on the floor with a splat.



A Go-Go boy-lookin' male vampire intones with a deep voice: "It'll be much less terrifying if you just come to me."

Giant bats, vampire zombies, matte paintings, umbrella'd spaceships-


it’s probably Cannon’s most ambitious effort. And for that, it gets three stars.

-Sean Gill

Film Review: THE FOG (1980, John Carpenter)

Stars: 5 of 5.
Running Time: 89 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Tom Atkins (NIGHT OF THE CREEPS, HALLOWEEN III), Adrienne Barbeau (SWAMP THING, ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK), Jamie Lee Curtis (PERFECT, HALLOWEEN), Janet Leigh (PSYCHO, TOUCH OF EVIL), Hal Holbrook (MAGNUM FORCE, THE FIRM), George 'Buck' Flower (THEY LIVE, COUNTRY CUZZINS), Charles Cyphers (BORDERLINE, HALLOWEEN), John Houseman (SEVEN DAYS IN MAY, ST. IVES).
Tag-line: "What you can't see won't hurt you... it'll kill you!"
Best one-liner: "There's something in the fog!"

In the wake of Carpenter's HALLOWEEN, a wave of dumbed-down, trashier, gorier slashers- led by FRIDAY THE 13TH- careened headlong into theaters. But in 1980, before it became basically 'unfashionable,' three of the most atmospheric, minimalist, and genuinely scary ghost stories were able to creep in: THE SHINING, THE CHANGELING, and...THE FOG. From its "old sea dog telling tales 'round the campfire" prologue (with the flawless theatricality of John Houseman):

to its ever-present, soothingly sultry D.J. voiceover (Adrienne Barbeau’s finest hour):

to the majestic, sumptuous seaside photography (worthy of RYAN'S DAUGHTER):

to its Carpy meets Bach soundtrack, THE FOG's scares seem grounded in simpler comforts and nostalgia. But Carpy's film (unlike something actually meant for children, like THE GOONIES) takes its spooky fireside frights very seriously: it's an ornately crafted tale with a genuinely troubling mystique. Released a mere 4 years after America’s bicentennial, THE FOG raises uncomfortable questions of what exactly we celebrate when we memorialize our ancestors- Will nature afford us our selective memories? Our buried secrets? Let us wash our hands of the things we’d rather forget? Well, the residents of Antonio Bay are about to find out.


We have George ‘Buck’ Flower as the same old sleazy drunk he always is, Hal Holbrook as a wino priest (and the only resident burdened by the weight of the past),

Janet Leigh embodying the ‘show must go on’ mentality, her daughter Jamie Lee as a hitchhikin’ non-objectified babe, and Tom Atkins as the magnet for said babe (yeah, I’m as confused as the rest of you).

There are a couple of in-jokes (characters named Dan O’Bannon and Dr. Phibes) and silly exchanges (Atkins is talking about fishing and drinking, Jamie Lee says “What’s it like?”- in regard to fishing- and Atkins replies, “It’s always the same. The room starts spinning…”), but, on the whole this thing is grim, pensive, and, most importantly, smart. Five stars.

-Sean Gill

2009 Halloween Countdown OVERFLOW

1. [•REC] (2007, Jaume Balagueró & Paco Plaza)
2. THE MANITOU (1978, William Girdler)
3. SLEEPWALKERS (1992, Mick Garris)
4. CUTTING CARDS (1990, Walter Hill)
5. THE LEOPARD MAN (1943, Jacques Tourneur)
6. MY BEST FRIEND IS A VAMPIRE (1987, Jimmy Huston)
7. HELLBOUND: HELLRAISER II (1988, Tony Randel)
8. TWIN PEAKS: FIRE WALK WITH ME (1992, David Lynch)
9. THE FOG (1980, John Carpenter)
10.
...

Film Review: SCREAMERS (1995, Christian Duguay)

Stars: 3 of 5.
Running Time: 108 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Peter Weller, Jennifer Rubin, co-written by Dan O'Bannon, who'd been kicking around the screenplay since the early 80's.
Tag-lines: "The silence of space is about to be shattered." Although, given the involvement of O'Bannon, maybe it should have been "In space no one can hear you... scream(ers)."
Best one-liner: "He's a fucking toaster!"

For what it is, I was pretty impressed with SCREAMERS. It ought to have three strikes against it from the outset:
1. A fairly low budget for an outer space epic,
2. A release date of 1996 (a dark time for quality sci-fi, as bad CGI began to rear its loathsome head), and
3. Direction by Christian Duguay. Duguay is basically David Cronenberg's sloppy seconds. He's Canadian, he made SCANNERS into a straight-to-video trilogy (WITHOUT Michael Ironside), he uses post-NAKED LUNCH Peter Weller, and here he also tackles Philip K. Dick (one of Cronenberg's greatest influences- see VIDEODROME). And SCREAMERS is basically THE THING meets TREMORS meets PHANTASM, but without being as good as any of them. This should be awful. And the mawkish, inane ending is. But everything that precedes said hideous denouement is extremely solid.

As solid as Peter Weller.

We've got a screenplay by Dan O'Bannon (RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD, TOTAL RECALL, ALIEN), an excellent lead performance by the always serviceable Weller, and- be still my heart- minimal use of bad CGI! (With stop motion, trick photography, and makeup used to a generally favorable effect.)


Jennifer Rubin (the switchblade swingin', recovering junkie from NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3) is our female lead, and appears to be quite literally under the influence of 'ludes for her first couple scenes- but somehow it works!

There's mind-boggling soundtrack choices and bad comic relief (with the taciturn Weller getting annoyed by a chatterbox rookie), but out of nowhere, a few genuine (O'Bannon) humanizing moments creep through. And, eerily, it seems that the flick wanted to make "Can I come with you?" a catchphrase in the same vein as "Want some candy?" in PREDATOR 2.

Is that PREDATOR-VISION?

In fact, for the dipsomaniacal drinking game fans among us, if you take a drink every time you hear the repeated lines "Can I come with you?" and "Get off my back!," by the film's close you'll probably think that you're a Screamer. Solid sci-fi, disappointing ending, three stars.

-Sean Gill

Film Review: TOTAL RECALL (1990, Paul Verhoeven)

Stars: 5 of 5.
Running Time: 113 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Michael Ironside, Ronny Cox, Sharon Stone, co-writer Dan O'Bannon (ALIEN, DEAD & BURIED), loose adaptation of Philip K. Dick short story ""We Can Remember It For You Wholesale."
Tag-lines: "They stole his mind, now he wants it back."
Best one-liner: "Who gives a shit what you believe? In thirty seconds you'll be dead, and I'll blow this place up and be home in time for Corn Flakes." or maybe just "See you at the pahhhh-ty, Richter!"

"If I am not me, den who da hell am I?" TOTAL RECALL boldly dares to ask (and answer) the fateful questions, A. "What kind of films would Hitchcock be making if he was alive in 1990?" and B. "What would those films be like if he was taking a dangerous mix of uppers and downers?" Make no mistake, however, this candy-colored insanity is a bona fide masterpiece on a number of levels and a true example (like ROBOCOP) of Verhoeven at the peak of his powers. The special effects are immaculate. There's true cinematic wonder on display, with a real attention to detail and craftsmanship that disappeared with the advent of CGI-only FX. Schwarzenegger has rarely been more likable, and he truly exudes pathos in "the wrong man" (or maybe "wrong mind?") role.

It's a larger-than-life film that calls for larger-than-life acting, and Schwarzenegger's rubbery mug (which is frequently indistinguishable from the wacky prosthetics) is the perfect template upon which to unfold such a tale.


Like the best of Euro-action cinema, this is a movie of over-the-top violence, intense staredowns that defy reality, and a parade of extraordinarily memorable moments (from the Johnnycab inferno to the three-breasted hooker to Arnold's redunkulous muu-muu'd housewife disguise) which stuck in the craws of impressionable kids for decades to come.


Michael Ironside seems to have eaten crazy for breakfast before filming his scenes here, and, as always, he's a vein-bustin' delight to watch.

And like the best of Lynch and Cronenberg, Verhoeven reserves for his villains the most graphic, jaw-dropping fates imaginable- viscerally cathartic to the MAX.

And if you'd like to try a TOTAL RECALL drinking game, try a drink every time someone's eyes are literally bulging outside of their head AND every time someone must hang onto to something, lest they be blown into the vacuum of space.

Of course if you do that, you just might end up with an identity crisis on par with Quaid and Hauser. Five lunatic stars.

-Sean Gill