Film Review: HELLBOUND: HELLRAISER II (1988, Tony Randel)

Stars: 2 of 5.
Running Time: 99 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Doug Bradley (Pinhead in the entire series), Kenneth Cranham (PROSPERO'S BOOKS, HOT FUZZ), Claire Higgins, Ashley Laurence, Imogen Boorman (DREAMCHILD), William Hope (ALIENS), Barbie Wilde (a female punk in DEATH WISH 3).
Tag-line: "It will tear your soul apart... AGAIN!" I won't lie- the similarity to the GHOULIES II tag-line has charmed me.
Best one-liner: "The case is terminal!"

Hoo boy. Now I realize that this thing underwent a lot of last-minute rewrites as a result of Andy Robinson (the Scorpio Killer in DIRTY HARRY) refusing to reprise his role as Larry (the dad), but goddamn, this movie just doesn't make a whole lot of sense, and I feel like it almost has more in common with BILL & TED'S BOGUS JOURNEY than it does HELLRAISER. I mean, there's certainly visual spectacle: M.C. Escher-esque matte-paintings,

a lot of skinless bodies,

and the return of our favorite demons (but with a new actress playing 'Female Cenobite,' which is surprisingly noticeable in a bad way).

Barbie Wilde is no Grace Kirby.

There's also a LOT of 80's lightning and laser effects. I mean there are a lot in the first, but here, there's an inordinate amount. There's a ton of recycled footage, and, based on the information she now magically possesses, our heroine seems to have WATCHED the first film along with us instead of experiencing it firsthand as her character.

Anyway, it begins promisingly- a flashback of Pinhead's human self first opening the puzzle box during WWI- but instead of seeing more of the Cenobites, we see even less than in the first. If every HELLRAISER fan compiled a list of things that they'd like to see in the second film, I guarantee we'd see things like 'more Cenobite focus' and 'more Frank backstory.' Instead, we get something that was on no one's list: Dr. Channard. "Who's that?," you ask. Well, (*vague spoilers*) get ready to spend 99 minutes finding out, and seeing him easily kick the rumps of our mysterious Cenobites.


Pin-who? No, I'm telling you, we need more Channard.


Why? Because the people out there are thirsty. Thirsty for more Channard.


Big payoff. Cenobite Channard. Quenches that thirst for more Channard. Plus, we no longer need those pesky other Cenobites. They were pretty crappy, anyway. Nobody liked them.

It'd be like if TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2 had focused on a really boring serial killer played by Mike Farrell, who killed off Leatherface and the whole clan halfway through the movie without much ado, and then proceeded to do his own thing for the rest of the movie. It's like that, but with a whole lot more medical one-liners: "The doctor is in," "The case is terminal," "I recommend amputation," etc., etc. Sheesh. Two stars.

-Sean Gill

2009 Halloween Countdown OVERFLOW

1. [•REC] (2007, Jaume Balagueró & Paco Plaza)
2. THE MANITOU (1978, William Girdler)
3. SLEEPWALKERS (1992, Mick Garris)
4. CUTTING CARDS (1990, Walter Hill)
5. THE LEOPARD MAN (1943, Jacques Tourneur)
6. MY BEST FRIEND IS A VAMPIRE (1987, Jimmy Huston)
7. HELLBOUND: HELLRAISER II (1988, Tony Randel)
8.
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