Only now does it occur to me... MOTHER'S BOYS (1993)

Only now does it occur to me... that MOTHER'S BOYS (1993) deserves its place in the pantheon of scary-campy "diva gone mad" thrillers, a proud tradition stretching at least from 1964's STRAIT-JACKET to 2019's MA.

Picture it: KRAMER VS. KRAMER, THE STEPFATHER, and SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY, mashed together and directed by John Waters as a Hitchcockian thriller... and starring Jamie Lee Curtis!

It must be noted that Jamie Lee, in a rare villainous turn, is decked out as if her style icons are Angelica Huston and Annette Bening in THE GRIFTERS: cool sunglasses, dyed blonde hair in a "sea anemone" cut, and the most wicked blazers this side of a Joan Crawford movie. I mean, look at how Queen JLC elevates the pedestrian act of grocery shopping:

JLC plays "Jude," a mother of three who abruptly left her husband (Peter Gallagher) and kids for reasons the screenplay judges as "um, I dunno... unknowable crazy-woman motivations maybe involving a traumatic childhood?" She didn't leave a note, at any rate.

In the three years since, Gallagher's "Robert"––a primo soap opera archetype, the stiff-upper-lip architect dad who's trying to repair his broken heart––has moved on and is dating Joanne Whalley (WILLOW, NAVY SEALS). She is styled like Jeanne Tripplehorn in the thrillers of this era and in no way deserves the inspired madness which is deposited on her doorstep.

You see, Jamie Lee Curtis shows up out of nowhere––and she wants her family back, her Gallagher back, and Joanne Whalley... dead!

She is willing to use raw sexual/elaborately violent schemes to get what she wants, and I must say that this movie truly has a Joe Eszterhas-ian (BASIC INSTINCT, SHOWGIRLS) understanding of human sensuality. 

There are so many ludicrous happenings in this movie that Dame Vanessa Redgrave (!)

is pushed down a flight of stairs by a her grandson

 ––we're talkin' two, full-body flips––

and it's only, like, the fifth most insane thing to happen in this movie.

What are some others, you might ask? I couldn't dream of giving them all away, but I will say that Jamie Lee gets a bathtub masturbation scene as campy as anything in THE PAPERBOY or the Angela Lansbury workout video.

A personal favorite is when she buys a bunch of sugary cereals for her estranged family (on that grocery trip where she looked so fabulous) and, before she can gift them to her children, she sees them out enjoying a nice dinner with Joanne Whalley (the horror!). She does what any sensible hag-horror-heroine would do and drives into the sunset, sob-steering while she flings entire bags of groceries onto the highway.

To me, this is as iconic as the bunny boiling in FATAL ATTRACTION, Bette Davis' outbursts in WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BABY JANE, and the car burning in WAITING TO EXHALE.

There's melodrama for days, and Jamie Lee does a tremendous job, really giving it 110%––

"I'M STILL THEIR FUCKING MOMMA!"

––even when the three screenwriters let it be known that they have the combined psychological maturity of an adolescent boy who caught a double feature of THE CRUSH and POISON IVY on late nite TV after his parents went to sleep. This all works in the movie's favor, I believe.

Oh man, there's a scene where Jamie Lee tries to show her son her c-section scar in a (seductive?) attempt to manipulate him into becoming THE BAD SEED/THE GOOD SON, so... MOTHER'S BOYS is not without its groaners, I suppose.

Ooh, and there's a very proto-FIGHT CLUB bit where Jamie Lee gets into a fight with herself in Joanne Whalley's office

to make it look like Joanne is the crazy one who attacked her. Nice!

The grand finale involves a beautifully absurd scenario wherein Joanne is tied up and put on trial by "Mother's Boys"

and Jamie Lee orchestrates a murder plot which involves cutting the brakes on someone's car and sending out the family dog to make them swerve to their doom

and it's all camp, beyond camp, and it brought many a smile to my lips.

There's a glossy "taking this seriously" workmanship to the direction by Yves Simoneau (BLIND TRUST, BURY MY HEART AT WOUNDED KNEE) and a solid supporting cast which includes the aforementioned Vanessa Redgrave as Jamie Lee's mom, John C. McGinley (THE ROCK, SCRUBS, SURVIVING THE GAME, OFFICE SPACE) as a hapless biology teacher

and Joss Ackland (THE APPLE, LETHAL WEAPON 2) as a slimy divorce lawyer.

But, as you would assume, the entire project rides on the commitment and charisma of one Jamie Lee Curtis

Check out those fish earrings, a WANDA reference?

who I've now decided is the hero of this picture and will be awarded full custody. MOTHER'S BOYS, ladies and gentlemen.

Only now does it occur to me... THE BLACK WINDMILL (1974)

Only now does it occur to me... that while THE BLACK WINDMILL is known for being a much-maligned Don Siegel flick featuring a bored Michael Caine as a British secret service agent who is (supposedly) acting with urgency to rescue his kidnapped son:

"I have a particular set of skills....skills I have acquired over a very long career... skills that make me a nightmare for people like you... but if you want to see them in action, you'll have to give me a better motive than kidnapping my dumb son"

 that while it is known for co-starring a malevolent John Vernon (in a rare non-school principal role):

that while it is known for an azz-kickin', trumpet-funk '70s soundtrack by Roy Budd, and that while it is known for wasting as much wine as Stanley Kubrick wasted fake blood on the elevator scene from THE SHINING:

REDRUM.... TOLREM

...it really ought to be known as the premiere venue for Donald Pleasence to fondle a fake mustache with impunity.


He just can't 


keep his hands  


off the damn thing 


it's practically pathological, and,

  
in reacting to it, I think Michael Caine affords it more acting headspace than the concept of his kidnapped son. 

 
The only time Donald's not touching it is when he has a broken arm and both hands are fully preoccupied.

Also, I guess it bears mentioning that there's a scene near the end set at a windmill. But the windmill's not black, and there's nothing particularly meaningful about it.

It'd be like if Don Siegel called DIRTY HARRY "THE OLD QUARRY" or INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS "THE HIGHWAY OVERPASS."

Film Review: THE THREE MUSKETEERS (1973, Richard Lester)

Stars: 4 of 5.
Running Time: 105 minutes.
Tag-line: ". . . One for All and All for Fun!"
Notable Cast or Crew: Michael York (CABARET, AUSTIN POWERS), Oliver Reed (REVOLVER, THE DEVILS), Richard Chamberlain (SHOGUN, Cannon's KING SOLOMON'S MINES), Faye Dunaway (NETWORK, BONNIE AND CLYDE), Jean-Pierre Cassel (ARMY OF SHADOWS, THE DISCREET CHARM OF THE BOURGEOISIE), Geraldine Chaplin (DR. ZHIVAGO, HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS), Sybil Danning (BLOOD FEAST, MALIBU EXPRESS), Frank Finlay (THE PIANIST, LIFEFORCE), Christopher Lee (THE WICKER MAN, THE CRIMSON PIRATE), Charlton Heston (IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS, TOUCH OF EVIL), Raquel Welch (ONE MILLION YEARS B.C., MOTHER, JUGS, & SPEED), Joss Ackland (LETHAL WEAPON 2, THE APPLE).
Best one-liner: "Now, that man in his time has insulted me, broken my father's sword, had me clubbed to the ground, laid violent hands on the woman I love! He is inconvenient."

Are you ready for House of Bourbon-era swashbucklery? Are you ready for one for all, and all for fun? Are you ready for THE THREE MUSKETEERS? Hell yes, you are. Allow me to familiarize you with the players–

We're talkin' foppy– but still blood-curdlingly sinister– Christopher Lee... with an eyepatch.

As Rochefort, "the cardinal's living blade," he unfortunately spends most of his time exuding one-eyed menace from the sidelines, but I suspect they're just priming us for some unhinged cutlass-slashin', scimitar-gashin' Chris Lee action in part two.

We're talkin' live action animal chess, a monkey riding a dog, and other such buffooneries that exist solely for the amusement of Louis XIII, who's played by arthouse legend Jean-Pierre Cassel.

Somewhere, Peter Greenaway is wringing his hands in a mixture of jealousy and wonderment.


Is that exquisite headpiece constructed of Reynolds wrap?

We're talkin' Charlton Heston as Cardinal Richelieu, sportin' a goatee that doesn't quit, wearin' extravagant furry duds, and playin' Louis XIII like a piano- at least until a certain four flies in the ointment come to take the starch out of his 'stache and the swagger out of his step.

Heston's a surprisingly serviceable Richelieu, and occasionally you're struck by the idea that Heston might even be having fun beneath his uptight exterior and intricate vestments. I'd go as far as to say that he holds his own alongside other notable Richelieus, played by the likes of Vincent Price and Tim Curry.

We're talkin' Geraldine Chaplin as Anna of Austria, exploring the subtleties of film-acting more skillfully with her eyes alone than most actors can with their entire form.

Also of note: neckpiece.

We're talkin' a knock-down, drag-out, high-kicks-in-a-bustle, hair-pin cat-fight between a pre-NETWORK Faye Dunaway and a post-MYRA BRECKINRIDGE Raquel Welch, which is clearly worth the price of admission alone.


YAHHH

And all of this is orchestrated by Palm d'or-winning (THE KNACK...AND HOW TO GET IT), hit or miss (from PETULIA to SUPERMAN III) director Richard Lester, whose first claim to fame was the well-choreographed antics of another Fab Four in A HARD DAY'S NIGHT. Which reminds me- I haven't even yet touched upon our titular, devil-may-care, lion-hearted sword-swishers!

We've got Richard Chamberlain as Aramis the ladykiller, if you will; Frank Finlay as Porthos, the slave to fashion; and Oliver Reed as Athos, the drunk. Or perhaps it's Drunk Oliver Reed as Athos. It's difficult to tell sometimes. In fact, from the very first time we see him onscreen, he's chugging away.

Oliver Reed enjoys living in the era of the House of Bourbon.

Again- did Oliver Reed refuse to put down his booze, whereupon Richard Lester had to find a more historically-accurate receptacle, or was this in the script from the beginning? (Yes, I know it was in the script.)

One of my favorite Oliver Reed moments in the film involves him stealing a great shank of lamb from a restaurant while his compatriots stage a scuffle. Reed nonchalantly stuffs the honkin' leg of meat into his costume while maintaining a remarkable level of dignity.

Michael York strides in as D'Artagnan, exuding likability and naiveté, and imbues our trio of fallow swordsmen with purpose.

Unfortunately, Michael York's career would lie fallow for some time following these films.

Nearly everything in this production is top notch, from the verbal banter to the spectacular set design (crawling with hidden rooms and secret passageways) to the elaborate period costumes to the acrobatics and fight choreography. (Said choreography done by master swashbuckler William Hobbs.) I'd even say that it remains a great influence on everything from PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN to the CREMASTER series.

There are a few moments when Lester can't help himself, and things get perhaps a little too zany,

but as in A HARD DAY'S NIGHT or HELP!, even the most ill-conceived sequence goes down a lot easier when there's talented players and a tangible charm. (Not sure I can say the same for SUPERMAN III.)

Four stars.

Production note: The film was famously shot simultaneously with its sequel, THE FOUR MUSKETEERS (in a strategem worthy of Richilieu, the producers tricked the actors into thinking they were filming one, exceptionally long film). But despite the initial deception, Lester and most of the cast would even revisit the material once more in 1989's THE RETURN OF THE MUSKETEERS.

-Sean Gill

Junta Juleil's Summer '10 Movie Series
1. HELL IN THE PACIFIC (1968, John Boorman)
2. KUFFS (1992, Bruce A. Evans)
3. THE OUTFIT (1973, John Flynn)

4. FOR Y'UR HEIGHT ONLY (1981, Eddie Nicart)

5. A*P*E (1976, Paul Leder)

6. BLIND FURY (1989, Philip Noyce)
7. HIS KIND OF WOMAN (1951, John Farrow)
8. HIGH SCHOOL U.S.A. (1983, Rod Amateau)
9. DR. JEKYLL AND MS. HYDE (1995, David Price)
10. MIDNIGHT IN THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND EVIL (1997, Clint Eastwood)
11. 1990: BRONX WARRIORS (1982, Enzo G. Castellari)
12. FALLING DOWN (1993, Joel Schumacher)
13. TOURIST TRAP (1979, David Schmoeller)
14. THE THREE MUSKETEERS (1973, Richard Lester)
15. ...