Film Review: 99 AND 44/100% DEAD (1974, John Frankenheimer)

Stars: 4.2 of 5.
Running Time: 98 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Richard Harris (RED DESERT, UNFORGIVEN, ORCA), Chuck Connors (THE RIFLEMAN, TOURIST TRAP), Bradford Dillman (THE AMSTERDAM KILL, THE ENFORCER), Edmond O' Brien (SEVEN DAYS IN MAY, THE WILD BUNCH), Ann Turkel (HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP, DEEP SPACE), Tony Brubaker (FRIDAY FOSTER, famed stuntman for everyone from Jim Brown in THE RUNNING MAN to Carl Weathers in PREDATOR and ACTION JACKSON), Zooey Hall (HIT!, THE WORLD'S GREATEST LOVER). Music by Henry Mancini (THE PINK PANTHER, CHARADE, LIFEFORCE). Written by Robert Dillon (PRIME CUT, FLIGHT OF THE INTRUDER, 13 FRIGHTENED GIRLS, FRENCH CONNECTION II).
Tag-lines: "Everyone is dying to meet Harry Crown."
Best one-liner: "That suit- you look like a white popsicle."

99 AND 44/100% DEAD. A purity of death. A standard by which we become hardened, brutalized, and numb. Under the watch of a tattered American flag, this film's cyclical violence begins and ends with a macabre underwater graveyard which pendulates between looking genuinely macabre and looking like some outtake from THE GOONIES (or PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN?).


"Losers, all of them losers..." pontificates Richard Harris' stone-cold killer, Harry Crown. And are they losers because of the precise longitude and latitude of where they've ended up? Losers because of the anonymous, ignoble manner in which they've died? Or losers because we're all fated to be, just as soon as we embrace that extra 56/100 of a percent? "A cigar doesn't care who smokes it," riffs Harris. Just as a corpse doesn't care when a fish gobbles up its eyeballs?

Showing as a part of this year's 'William Lustig Presents' festival at the Anthology Film Archives, John Frankenheimer's 99 AND 44/100% DEAD is a much maligned film, and one that hardly sees the light of day outside of $100 VHS sales and oddball repertory screenings.


It's truly an oddity in form and substance, from the Roy Lichtenstein-style credits to Henry Mancini's "whistlin' honkeytonk meets cool driving horns" score to its crimewave-war zone/ Anywhere City, U.S.A. setting to its cartoonishly nihilistic viewpoint to its off-kilter melodrama– this movie is a runaway train, and its final destination is clearly cult movie greatness. It's THE STONE KILLER meeting YOJIMBO in a DICK TRACY comic strip.

A car soars off of a pier, and, before splashing into the bay, spectacularly explodes.


There're giant alligators in the sewers. A man accidentally leaps down an open elevator shaft. A bomb is set off by an errant fly.

BZZ

A man runs at a car, about to fling a bundle of dynamite straight out of a Wile E. Coyote cartoon. The car revs its engine, and proceeds to semi-comically chase the man down a sidewalk.


A peculiar, artsy, inflatable naked woman serves as a meeting place for two couples who exchange stilted, deadly serious dialogue worthy of a sad sack Harlequin romance.


Ann Turkel (a late replacement for Jacqueline Bisset) is a sleazy dance hall gal, Richard Harris' main squeeze (they married in real life), and a third grade teacher who drives a school bus in a ridiculous chase that is probably the second best school bus chase scene of the 1970's (after DIRTY HARRY).


Richard Harris is a brutal, nonchalant, disdainful, cigar-smokin' individual who strolls away casually from explosions, years before it became an unbearable cliché. He offhandedly plucks the feathers from Ann Turkel's outfit as if it causes him great annoyance. He wears rockin' 70's suits and at one point what appears to be a priest's cassock. His hair appears horrifically molded into the shape of Michael Caine's in GET CARTER. Is this intentional? It's anybody's guess.


Harris' sidekick is a likable, sort of poor-man's Roman Polanski and wearer of so-called 'white popsicle suits,' played by Zooey Hall.


Finally, Chuck Connors is 'Claw Zuckerman,' the sort of man who can somehow steal a movie right from under Richard Harris.


He terrifies the men and the ladies alike, and his redunkulous set of eccentric arm attachments is worth the price of admission alone.

By the time you get to 'wine opener' and 'S&M whip,' you know you're in for something special. I've specifically outlined my love for Chuck Connors elsewhere, but this is truly a remarkable role for him- equal parts proto-Willem Dafoe and Bond villain- and you kinda wish he had more screen time.

The legendary Chuck Connors WILL SNIP YOU IN DA NUTS

And I've neglected to mention that there's no ambient sound– and the Foley guys had a field day. Great swaths of silence are punctuated by the deafening snaps of Richard Harris' eyeglasses being unfolded.

At first, this is puzzling. The dialogue is tinny and most of the sounds are ear-splitting, jarring, and metallic– a train screaming down some rusty tracks, a car's squealing tires as it turns a corner, or the impossibly long ricochets of a bullet volley. When Turkel helms the schoolbus, we're entreated to the most down n' dirty, screeching, unpleasant sounding car chase ever mixed. But it's a particular choice, this distressing aural aesthetic- it's as if Frankenheimer outsourced it to the Looney Tunes' own ACME corporation! (And, in fact, a "Sound by ACME" credit would have really made my day.) But you adjust to it. You hear the deafening snap of Harris' glasses and, perhaps like Pavlov's dogs would've- you ready yourself for the rain of bullets that will follow!

One of the most curious crime films to emerge from Hollywood in the 1970's, 99 AND 44/100% DEAD certainly has more in common with a bizarro Seijun Suzuki flick (BRANDED TO KILL or YOUTH OF THE BEAST), than the high-profile crime sagas which were sweeping up the mainstream accolades (like THE FRENCH CONNECTION or THE GODFATHER). And in the end, I can only choose to embrace its rich strangeness and screwy élan. A little over four stars.

-Sean Gill

Junta Juleil's Summer '10 Movie Series
1. HELL IN THE PACIFIC (1968, John Boorman)
2. KUFFS (1992, Bruce A. Evans)
3. THE OUTFIT (1973, John Flynn)

4. FOR Y'UR HEIGHT ONLY (1981, Eddie Nicart)

5. A*P*E (1976, Paul Leder)

6. BLIND FURY (1989, Philip Noyce)
7. HIS KIND OF WOMAN (1951, John Farrow)
8. HIGH SCHOOL U.S.A. (1983, Rod Amateau)
9. DR. JEKYLL AND MS. HYDE (1995, David Price)
10. MIDNIGHT IN THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND EVIL (1997, Clint Eastwood)
11. 1990: BRONX WARRIORS (1982, Enzo G. Castellari)
12. FALLING DOWN (1993, Joel Schumacher)
13. TOURIST TRAP (1979, David Schmoeller)
14. THE THREE MUSKETEERS (1973, Richard Lester)
15. BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA (1986, John Carpenter)
16. TOP GUN (1986, Tony Scott)
17. 48 HRS. (1982, Walter Hill)
18. ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO (2003, Robert Rodriguez)
19. TALES OF THE CITY (1993, Alastair Reid)
20. WHITE LINE FEVER (1975, Jonathan Kaplan)
21. 99 AND 44/100% DEAD (1974, John Frankenheimer)
22. ...

Film Review: TOURIST TRAP (1979, David Schmoeller)

Stars: 4.5 of 5.
Running Time: 90 minutes.
Tag-line: "Every year young people disappear..."
Notable Cast or Crew: Chuck Connors (FLIPPER, Lucas McCain on 5 seasons of THE RIFLEMAN), Tanya Roberts (FINGERS, THE BEASTMASTER, the title character in SHEENA, QUEEN OF THE JUNGLE), Jocelyn Jones (THE ENFORCER, THE GREAT TEXAS DYNAMITE CHASE), Jon Van Ness (THE HITCHER, THE NATURAL), Robin Sherwood (DEATH WISH II, BLOW OUT), Dawn Jeffory (MOMMIE DEAREST, WHITE LINE FEVER). One of the producers is the one and only Charles Band (Full Moon Pictures).
Best one-liner: "Mr. Slausen, can I use your phone?" –"Oh sure, help yourself... but it doesn't work. I got nobody to call."

When you hear the name 'Charles Band,' you might smirk, scoff, roll your eyes– you might even groan. Then again, you might pump your fist and holler about how 'SUBSPECIES rules' or 'TRANCERS is the bomb' or something to that effect. Well regardless of where you fall on the Charles Band spectrum, or even on that of Compass International Pictures, TOURIST TRAP will surprise you. I still don't know quite what to make of it. I know that I loved it, and I know that it was goddamned terrifying. And you should know that Band's involvement here by no means defines this peculiar, shadowy, trancelike film- for better or worse.

Helmed by C-grade horror director David Schmoeller (PUPPET MASTER, CRAWLSPACE, THE SPIDER WILL KILL YOU) and co-written by Schmoeller and J. Larry Carroll (who went on to write for SHE-RA, DENNIS THE MENACE, THE SUPER MARIO BROS. SUPER SHOW, and other such celebrated examples of American Saturday morning television), your expectations might (rightfully) be pretty low. What is it that elevates this flick from 'boondocks slasher' rip-off to a quiet masterpiece of 70's horror? How about a crew defined by a dedication to genuine- and sometimes avant-garde- artistry? Check it out: TOURIST TRAP possesses ethereal, soft-focus visuals courtesy of Nicholas Josef von Sternberg (DISCO 9000, GAS PUMP GIRLS), son of- yup, Josef von Sternberg; an eerie, unsettling Italian soundtrack full of echoey wailing and offbeat woodblock/slide whistle/ominous harpsicord curiosities courtesy of Pino Donaggio (DON'T LOOK NOW, TRAUMA, PIRANHA, countless Brian de Palma flicks); and mesmerizing, mood-fitting editing by future director Ted Nicolaou (TERRORVISION, LEAPIN' LEPRECHAUNS). All of this might sound silly on the page, but, trust me, when it all comes together, it's truly special. Oh, and did I mention that this movie is all about–

SCARY

FUCKING

MANNEQUINS!

A Japanese roboticist, Masahiro Mori, has a theory about this. His "uncanny valley" hypothesis puts forth the idea that humans inherently 'like' inanimate objects which imitate human behavior... to a point. The "uncanny valley" in question is the statistical drop-off which occurs as soon as they become a bit too human. We don't like our inanimate objects getting too faithful in their representations. A stuffed animal is fine. Robby the Robot is fine. A stuffed animal with eyes that follow you around the room is NOT fine. A Robot with clammy, lifelike flesh is similarly NOT fine. MANNEQUINS ARE NOT FINE. Sure, they're fine in a shop-window. They're fine in MANNEQUIN 2: ON THE MOVE. They are NOT fine A. in your home, B. in a creepy motel, C. giggling like banshees, D. ambulatory, E. applying plaster to your face until the fear of suffocation makes your heart explode inside your body; et al.


Acceptable portrayal of a mannequin.



Unacceptable portrayals of mannequins.

Let's move on to something else. Let's talk about Chuck Connors. 'All-American Chas.' 'Down-home Chucky.' THE RIFLEMAN.

He's just tryin' to eke out a living in his little neck of the woods. Sure, it might involve a macabre museum of animatronics that'd make Dr. Phibes' hair curl and a possible telekinetic brother named Davey, but, hey!

It's the Rifleman! You remember the Rifleman, right? Sure you do. The Rifleman is a stand-up guy with a square jaw and a modified Winchester carbine that he used to serve up heaping spoonfuls of justice to battalions of degenerates and he voted for Nixon and he played baseball and basketball and defended the innocent, and, in a strange turn of events even befriended Leonid Brezhnev.

But is he your garden-variety backwoods psycho or is he just a sweet old dude caught up in some sinister shit? Well, I'm not going to say any more about that, but Chuck reaches deep down and reveals that he's not just a one-trick (rugged father-figure) pony. He gets a chance to do a little bit of everything in TOURIST TRAP, and I've got to say that every bit of it is terrific.


Our stranded twenty-somethings are not nearly as boring as they would become just a few FRIDAY THE 13THs later, and the parts are likable, compelling, and, for the most part, well-acted.

Jocelyn Jones- she's the PICNIC AT HANGING ROCK happening there on the right- bears the brunt of the duties, and she accepts it, willingly, and with bug-eyed, ear-splitting élan.

In fact, now that I've unwittingly mentioned PICNIC AT HANGING ROCK, I've got to say that it fits, and somehow now leads me to a figure skating analogy, too, so look the hell out:

TOURIST TRAP attempts a TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE/PSYCHO double axel, but, once in the air, loops and transmogrifies like a great, fearsome bird and lands a perfect PICNIC AT HANGING ROCK/DON'T LOOK NOW/TWILIGHT ZONE triple lutz which elicits unexpected head-nods, hearty applause, and a standing ovation from the largely terrified crowd, who must now attend counseling for posttraumatic stress disorder- for the rest of their lives. Four and a half stars.

ENJOY

-Sean Gill

Junta Juleil's Summer '10 Movie Series
1. HELL IN THE PACIFIC (1968, John Boorman)
2. KUFFS (1992, Bruce A. Evans)
3. THE OUTFIT (1973, John Flynn)

4. FOR Y'UR HEIGHT ONLY (1981, Eddie Nicart)

5. A*P*E (1976, Paul Leder)

6. BLIND FURY (1989, Philip Noyce)
7. HIS KIND OF WOMAN (1951, John Farrow)
8. HIGH SCHOOL U.S.A. (1983, Rod Amateau)
9. DR. JEKYLL AND MS. HYDE (1995, David Price)
10. MIDNIGHT IN THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND EVIL (1997, Clint Eastwood)
11. 1990: BRONX WARRIORS (1982, Enzo G. Castellari)
12. FALLING DOWN (1993, Joel Schumacher)
13. TOURIST TRAP (1979, David Schmoeller)
14. ...