Film Review: REINDEER GAMES (2000, John Frankenheimer)

Reindeer Games: Way more than zero.
Running Time: 124 minutes (Director's Cut).
Notable Cast or Crew: Directed by John Frankenheimer (THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE, 52 PICK-UP, SECONDS). Written by Ehren Kruger (TRANSFORMERS 2-4, SCREAM 3, THE RING '02). Starring Ben Affleck (MALLRATS, GIGLI), Charlize Theron (MAD MAX: FURY ROAD, CHILDREN OF THE CORN III), Gary Sinise (FORREST GUMP, THE QUICK AND THE DEAD), Clarence Williams III (52 PICK-UP, TWIN PEAKS, PURPLE RAIN), Donal Logue (ER, GLAM, RUNAWAY TRAIN), James Frain (WHERE THE HEART IS, TRUE BLOOD), Isaac Hayes (ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK, TRUCK TURNER), Dennis Farina (CRIME STORY, MIDNIGHT RUN), Ron Jeremy (THE BOONDOCK SAINTS, DETROIT ROCK CITY). Music by Alan Silvestri (BACK TO THE FUTURE, PREDATOR).
Tag-line: "The trap is set. The game is on."
Best one-liner: "When I get in there you better be wearing nothing but a candy cane!"

In a familiar, darkened alleyway:

"It's been a while."
–"Indeed it has."
"What's the deal? Too good to watch a trashterpiece with your old pal?"
–"Well, that's just why I'm here. To wish you a happy holiday... with REINDEER GAMES."
"Dear Lord. Isn't that bottom-of-the-barrel Frankenheimer? He did THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE and SECONDS, for chrissakes. He did THE TRAIN. SEVEN DAYS IN MAY. THE ICEMAN COMETH. How far the mighty fall."
–"I like to think it transcends the barrel. I mean, it's structure is sort of like a Coen Brothers flick in search of a consistent tone. And with a lot of holiday-themed one-liners.

In theory, it's FARGO meets POINT BREAK. In practice, it seems like a slow exercise in torturing Academy Award-winning actors."
"What's it about?"
–"Okay. Hold on to your Santa hat: Ben Affleck plays convicted car thief 'Rudy.' As in Rudolph. As in 'the red-nosed reindeer.' James Frain plays convicted manslaughterer 'Nick.' As in 'Old Saint.'"
"Clever."
–"Quite. So Nick has a pen-pal girlfriend, whom he's never met, played by Charlize Theron."
"Er... what?"
–"The love letters were really compelling, I guess. Anyway, Nick and Rudy are about to be released from prison, but Nick is shivved to death during a prison riot."
"What incites the riot?"
–"Isaac Hayes finds a cockroach in his JELL-O, it's not important."

"Huh?"
–"Just go with it. So Rudy gets released from prison and immediately impersonates Nick so he can sleep with Charlize Theron. It's super creepy, perhaps especially so because of Affleck's perpetual frat boy leer."



"Okay. He's the hero of this piece?"
–"I'm getting to that. So Rudy-fleck thinks he's about to have a quiet Christmas with Charlize when  her brother 'Monster,' played by Gary Sinise, bursts in with his gang of gun-running truckers."

"This is a trucker movie?"
–"Sort of. So Nick used to work at a casino, and Gary Sinise wants to use his expertise to rob it. Rudy-fleck has been impersonating Nick, so he finds himself in a dangerous pickle. It's the kind of noir-ish set-up that could be really effective with a schlub or a sad sack at its center, but with Affleck doing his best impersonation of a bullying rich kid (in an '80s movie about a scrappy team of underdogs), you simply find yourself rooting for Gary Sinise. In fact, the whole movie plays better if you imagine it's a sequel to FORREST GUMP, set after Forrest and Lieutenant Dan had a falling out and the latter turned to crime.

The fact that his gang includes the masterful character actor Clarence Williams III and an unusually soulful performance by perpetual heavy Danny Trejo only makes your root for them more."

"Is Danny Trejo reading BUSINESS WEEK?"
–"There's a subplot about how he's going to night school. Don't worry about it. Can I also draw attention to the fact that 'Don't play no reindeer games with me' is one of my all-time favorite lines of dialogue in a motion picture?"

"I think Gary Sinise is actively upset that he has to say that."
–"He sure is. It's far from the only indignity visited upon a member of this cast. Sinise must refer to the sex act as 'getting down her chimney.'

Clarence Williams III has a whole bit about how he loves Christmas cookies:

Former cop and lovable performer Dennis Farina has a monologue about 'S-N-O-fuckin-W, snow!'"

"They really went all in, didn't they?"
–"It ain't DIE HARD, though. Or even BATMAN AND ROBIN.

The good news, however, is that REINDEER GAMES does deliver something in the way of a Christmas present: for those audience members whose greatest wish was to see Affleck have his ass handed to him in a variety of absurd scenarios, it's an embarrassment of riches.

Perhaps none of these scenarios are greater than the following, where Gary Sinise critiques Affleck's value as a scene partner (with a handful of darts).

Apparently, this scene was judged by the MPAA as too intense for an R rating, and therefore only appears in the Director's Cut. I would wager that it's no more damaging than anything in ALF'S SPECIAL CHRISTMAS."

"That's some sad shit, there. The ALF Christmas Special, I mean."

–"See, Charlize Theron, you feel bad for.  Whereas, Affleck inspires some primo schadenfreude. But there is something specifically magical about watching Gary Sinise wage war against dignity. The man deserves an award."

"Is that a De Palma shot?"
–"Sure is. Also, note the '90s double-loop earring on Sinise. It's a nice complement to his existential disappointment. Though he seems to cheer up a little after he and Clarence Williams III get to double-team the following one-liner:

'Tis the season, convict...'

'Ho, ho, ho.'"

"Ho, oh no! Sort of a tragic Christmas tale, then?"
–"Well, I did notice in one scene that there's a STREET FIGHTER II pinball machine in the background.

So maybe they got to play with that between takes of flinging darts at Ben Affleck."
"That's nice. Any benediction for us? A Merry Christmas and a happy New Year?"
–"I think this should suffice.

Happy holidays!"

Film Review: TRUCK TURNER (1974, Jonathan Kaplan)

Stars: 5 of 5.
Running Time: 91 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Isaac Hayes (ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK, I'M GONNA GIT YOU SUCKA), Yaphet Kotto (BLUE COLLAR, ALIEN, FREDDY'S DEAD, BONE), Scatman Crothers (THE SHINING, FRIDAY FOSTER), Dick Miller (GREMLINS, BUCKET OF BLOOD), Alan Weeks (SHAFT, BLACK BELT JONES), Nichelle Nichols ('Uhura' on STAR TREK), Charles Cyphers (DEATH WISH II, HALLOWEEN, THE FOG), Matthew Beard ('Stymie' from THE LITTLE RASCALS!). Music by Isaac Hayes.
Tag-lines: "Black, bold, and bloody mean!"
Best one-liner: "Anybody ask you what happened, tell 'em you been hit by a truck: Mac 'Truck' Turner!"

If Jack Hill's COFFY is Queen of the Blaxploitation flick, then TRUCK TURNER is King. Originally designed as a Robert Mitchum (!), and then a James Coburn (!!) vehicle, one thing led to another and American International modified it to fit the mold of their other, 'urban' successes like SLAUGHTER, BLACK CAESAR, HELL UP IN HARLEM, et al. It becomes a wild sprint from start to finish- outrageous fashions, hostile language, splurting bullet wounds, and sassy, sassy tambourines.

Isaac Hayes IS "Mac 'Truck' Turner."

What he lacks in acting chops, he makes up for in sheer badassery and wanton cheekiness. The film begins with a very 'Philip Marlowe'-style scene (suddenly the Mitchum connection makes a little more sense). Our charmingly disreputable hero wakes up in his ramshackle L.A. apartment. His cat trots around, playfully. He moves to put on a shirt. It's the place where Marlowe would say something witty and sardonic about the previous night's exploits. Instead, we have: "Francis, I forgot to feed you last night. I'm sorry about that––YOU PISSED ON MY SHIRT! My last goddamned shirt! You punkass son of a bitch! Get your ass offa here!" And he tosses the cat off the bureau.

"You punkass sonofabitch!"

Whew. I think it's safe to say that in the alternate universe where I control the outcome of the Oscars, this would've at least won Best Screenplay. We got an obligatory women's prison scene; Scatman Crothers as a semi-retired pimp who enjoys Créme de Menthes while reclining on wicker furniture on a well-manicured lawn:

a pimp's funeral that involves a procession of increasingly ludicrous costumes (a sequined eye-patch! a rainbow clown wig!):



the most pleasantly surprising hospital scene until BREAKIN' 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO:

The sharp-eyed viewer will note that Yaphet Kotto has taken a toddler hostage, then in a display of gratuitous violence knocks over a porter and a wheelchair-using man– just for the hell of it!

and an oddly transcendent death scene that makes me wonder if Terrence Malick was on set for a day. Then, there's car chases that put films with ten times the budget to shame:

nearly as much beer consumption as WHITE LINE FEVER:

and...Dick fuckin' Miller!

Joe Dante would be proud.

But the real stars may be our villains: Yaphet Kotto (BONE) and Nichelle Nichols ('Uhura' on STAR TREK) deliver bold performances that perfectly alternate between nuanced and over the top. Yaphet, always a treasure, is pimped out in... well, a pimp outfit:

and matter-of-factly delivering brutal disparagements, punches to the guts, and at one point, actually spitting in OUR face!

Put-tooey!

Nichols rolls in wearing an iridescent white super-flared polyspandex pantsuit with a bikini top:

making exclamations like "THIS AIN'T SEARS ROEBUCK, NIGGAH!" and otherwise distancing herself from the calming presence of STAR TREK's Uhura by delivering brilliant monologues such as the following:
"Your ass belongs to me, I tell you what you can and can't do with it. Do you understand what I'm saying to you? Shut up! Now all you whores sit down, I wanna talk to you. Anybody thinking about leaving here is gonna find my left foot square up their ass, do you understand me? Shut up, ya chunky whore. I'm talking to you!...


...Those two bitches that left they better learn to sell pussy in Iceland because if I ever see them again, I'm gonna cut their fucking throats. Hey! We are a family. And that's what we're gonna stay. Now I got important business out there today. So when I call you I want you to shake yo asses proper, ya hear? HUH! Now get out there and make it look good. And Raquel, take that fucking jacket off!"

Sheer genius. And for those who are still skeptical- I offer these two sublime clips which I've entitled, A. "Naw I'm indestructible!" and B. "What about me?" –"What about you?":


A.


B.



Clearly, this movie deserves five stars.

-Sean Gill

Junta Juleil's Summer '10 Movie Series
1. HELL IN THE PACIFIC (1968, John Boorman)
2. KUFFS (1992, Bruce A. Evans)
3. THE OUTFIT (1973, John Flynn)

4. FOR Y'UR HEIGHT ONLY (1981, Eddie Nicart)

5. A*P*E (1976, Paul Leder)

6. BLIND FURY (1989, Philip Noyce)
7. HIS KIND OF WOMAN (1951, John Farrow)
8. HIGH SCHOOL U.S.A. (1983, Rod Amateau)
9. DR. JEKYLL AND MS. HYDE (1995, David Price)
10. MIDNIGHT IN THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND EVIL (1997, Clint Eastwood)
11. 1990: BRONX WARRIORS (1982, Enzo G. Castellari)
12. FALLING DOWN (1993, Joel Schumacher)
13. TOURIST TRAP (1979, David Schmoeller)
14. THE THREE MUSKETEERS (1973, Richard Lester)
15. BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA (1986, John Carpenter)
16. TOP GUN (1986, Tony Scott)
17. 48 HRS. (1982, Walter Hill)
18. ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO (2003, Robert Rodriguez)
19. TALES OF THE CITY (1993, Alastair Reid)
20. WHITE LINE FEVER (1975, Jonathan Kaplan)
21. 99 AND 44/100% DEAD (1974, John Frankenheimer)
22. LET'S KILL UNCLE, BEFORE UNCLE KILLS US (1966, William Castle)
23. TRUCK TURNER (1974, Jonathan Kaplan)
24. ...

Film Review: ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK (1981, John Carpenter)

Stars: 5 of 5.
Running Time: 99 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Kurt Russell, Lee van Cleef, Ernest Borgnine, Harry Dean Stanton, Adrienne Barbeau, Charles Cyphers, Buck Flower, Isaac Hayes, Tom Atkins, Frank Doubleday, Donald Pleasence, Season Hubley.
Tag-lines: "1997. New York City is now a maximum security prison. Breaking out is impossible. Breaking in is insane."
Best one-liner: "Call me Snake."

Half of the draw of a genre pic is its set-up and the other half is its poster, and I'm not sure that ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK's absurdly awesome intro and one-sheet can be matched by ANYTHING. Manhattan island as a post-apocalyptic free-for-all Alcatraz led by a chandelier-car driving Isaac Hayes?!

President Donald Pleasence is kidnapped inside this hell zone,

and must be saved by a pissed-off, eye-patch wearing Kurt Russell (the same eye as CAPTAIN RON, I might add)

while an earring-wearing surly Lee van Cleef pulls the strings?!?

Holy shit, where do I sign up??! And I haven't even gotten to an oddly-enunciating Harry Dean Stanton,

an old-school cabbie Ernest Borgnine,

a delightfully wooden Adrienne Barbeau,

an awesomely hair-styled Season Hubley (as Girl in Chock Full O' Nuts),

or a totally freaky Frank Doubleday, basically playing a more post-apocalyptic version of his role in ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13.


And the poster launched a thousand kids' morbid daydreams- a ruined metropolis with the impossibly large severed head of the Statue of Liberty lying off-kilter on the pavement like roadkill as a horde of sewer people menacingly swarm the streets?

God-damn, what an image! And the soundtrack! John Carpenter's soundtracks are always simple, badass, catchy, and perfect at setting the tone. A twangy synthesizer stinger as a homicidal bum runs by in the background is the ideal blend of sound and image, as far as I'm concerned. There's epic gladiator duels, Molotov cocktails, and the exchange, "Plissken? Plissken, what are you doing?" -"Playing with myself! I'm going in." And you know a movie's awesome when it catches the eye of Italians, and then they create an ENTIRE GENRE devoted to it.

That's right. Directly in ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK's wake followed 1990: BRONX WARRIORS, THE NEW BARBARIANS, ESCAPE FROM THE BRONX, 2019: AFTER THE FALL OF NEW YORK, HANDS OF STEEL, and many others that should make you twitter like a little girl in her petticoats.

ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK is epic, epochal, and, like much of Carpenter's work, delivering a giant middle finger to the status quo while diguised as mindless entertainment. "You going to kill me, Snake?" -"Not now, I'm too tired. Maybe later." Five stars.

-Sean Gill

COMING SOON: Reviews for ESCAPE FROM L.A., and a number of those petticoat-twittering Italian films I mentioned earlier.