Film Review: HERO AND THE TERROR (1988, William Tannen)

Stars: 3 of 5.
Running Time: 96 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Chuck Norris, Steve James (VIGILANTE, THE EXTERMINATOR), Jack O'Halloran (FAREWELL, MY LOVELY, SUPERMAN II), Brynn Thayer (KANSAS, BIG SHOTS), Billy Drago (MYSTERIOUS SKIN, DELTA FORCE 2). Produced by Golan and Globus. Music by David Michael Frank (EXTREME JUSTICE, ABOVE THE LAW). Written by Dennis Shryack (FLASHPOINT, FIFTY/FIFTY, RENT-A-COP, CODE OF SILENCE, TURNER & HOOCH).
Tag-line: "Heroes hit hardest."
Best one-liner: Norris pretends to be a short order cook in order to catch criminals. Criminal: "These are the worst eggs I've ever had, man!" Norris: "Wait till you try the toast."

"I'm gonna break you like a bad habit, NUMBNUTS!"

Allow me to paint an extremely vivid picture for you. Chuck Norris. Doin' the ole barbell bench press. Sweaty, half-naked, and surrounded by a phalanx of his hetero buddies. They're spotting him, reciting tender words of encouragement. They're words like- "SHOW ME! SHOW ME! TREAT HER LIKE A LADY!!! COME ON! TREAT THAT LADY NICE!!! COME ON! COME ON! JAM IT UP! JAM IT UP!!!"




Just a couple of regular guys helpin' their buddy get his workout on. Well, before we say "God bless Golan & Globus," I have to tell you that this is probably the best scene in the movie. Yeah, HERO AND THE TERROR is probably one of the weaker Norris/Cannon collaborations, but still it's worth a watch if you think a watered-down version of SILENT RAGE sounds like a good idea, which- let's face it- is. Helmed by William Tannen (director of the highly underrated conspiracy flick FLASHPOINT), and co-starring Steve James (who reaches deep down to play a Mozart-loving Steve James) and Billy Drago (who does quite a bit with the role of 'frank, sincere insane asylum doctor'),

this thing should have been a lot better than it is. The 'Norris and pregnant girlfriend talk about their relationship' to 'Norris kicks people in the face' ratio is decidedly skewed, and in the wrong direction. There's a whollle lotta talk about babies and moving in and the intricacies of pregnant lady + Norris sex life, which kinda makes me a little ill.

Gotta love this recurring generic scene: a couple spends their first night in the new apartment- they don't unpack anything, and they get Chinese takeout- using the cardboard boxes as furniture.

Then, there's the villain of the piece, 'The Terror,' played by SUPERMAN II's Jack O'Halloran.

O'Halloran is not just some big lug- he's an exceptionally solid actor capable of true poignancy- look at his role as Moose Malloy in FAREWELL, MY LOVELY. But here, he's totally wasted- just a big guy making scary faces with his teeth. At least it ends on a zany Norris freeze frame (with his arm around a priest!).

The Father definitely looks a little unnerved.

Then we got an end credits duet called "Two Can Be One" which is a total "Up Where We Belong" rip-off. I love it. Three stars.

-Sean Gill

Weird music related side note: The David Michael Frank score is at times excellent and very Philip Glass-ian. In fact, as I listened further, it sounded very Philip Glass-ian, with certain selections sounding almost exactly the same as excerpts from Glass' HEROES Symphony and his score from Scorsese's KUNDUN. (A lot of people like to joke that all Glass sounds the same, but, as someone who's listened to a shitload of Glass in my time, I can differentiate the phases within his work- a task complicated by his propensity for quoting himself, but a doable task, nonetheless). However, this movie was made in 1988, and those two Glass pieces I've named are from 1996 and 1997, respectively. So I did a little research, and found that both Frank and Glass came from Baltimore, and both attended the Peabody Conservatory of Music, possibly at the same time. The wheels are turning, but I have no idea what they're telling me.

Film Review: FAREWELL, MY LOVELY (1975, Dick Richards)

Stars: 4.5 of 5.
Running Time: 95 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Robert Mitchum, Harry Dean Stanton, Sylvester Stallone, Joe Spinell (MANIAC!, THE GODFATHER), Jack O' Halloran (SUPERMAN II, HERO AND THE TERROR), Charlotte Rampling (SWIMMING POOL, THE VERDICT, ZARDOZ), Kate Murtagh (THE CAR, FAMILY PLOT), Anthony Zerbe (COOL HAND LUKE, THE DEAD ZONE, KISS MEETS THE PHANTOM OF THE PARK), John Ireland (SPARTACUS, RED RIVER, WAXWORK II), Jerry Bruckheimer (!, here co-producing).
Tag-lines: "I need another drink...I need a lot of life insurance...I need a vacation....and all I got is a coat, a hat, and a gun!"
Best one-liner: "The house itself wasn't much. It was smaller than Buckingham Palace and probably had fewer windows than the Chrysler building." AND "I sparred with the night clerk for a couple of minutes, but it was like trying to open a sardine can after you broke off the metal lip. There was something about Abraham Lincoln's picture that loosened him up. "

FAREWELL, MY LOVELY (1975), proceeds as if the contemporary wave of neo-noir (THE LONG GOODBYE, CHINATOWN, NIGHT MOVES) had never happened- and why should it? It's exactly like a 40’s noir that happened to be made in the 70’s (with only slight variances in violence, sexuality, and envelope-pushing), and smack dab in the middle is the legendary 'Ole Rumple Eyes himself (Bob Mitchum) as Philip Marlowe.

Now, MURDER, MY SWEET (the original adaptation of this Chandler tale) can’t really be touched, but FAREWELL, MY LOVELY manages to come damned close. Mitchum truly doesn’t give a shit as he encounters a rogue’s gallery of noir archetypes from how ya doin’ thug Sylvester Stallone,

to prickly cop Harry Dean Stanton,

to ravishing ingenue Charlotte Rampling to two-bit hood Joe Spinell (MANIAC!) to sympathetic palooka Jack O’Halloran (Non from SUPERMAN II). (And special mention must be given here to O'Halloran; he exudes serious pathos in a role (Moose Malloy) could have easily devolved into caricature. Mike Mazurki is perfect in MURDER, MY SWEET, but you rarely feel for him like you do for O'Halloran. Bravo!)

Prison matron Mom Smackley from SWITCHBLADE SISTERS is even in on the action, slapping the shit out of Mitchum in one scene, and then cathartically getting slugged in the face by Mitchum in return. Mitchum is on fire. He cracks wise, sings a few bars a cappella, has stiff exchanges with children,


Mitchum doesn't give a shit about ANYTHING. You really think he feels any differently about kids?

drinks heavily, and gets forcibly hopped up on smack (with a 40’s-style drug trip sequence).

Mitchum on smack. Smack kinda makes Mitchum look like James Karen.

Although my favorite parts might be the ridiculously awkward banter and rough-and-tumble antics between Mitchum and the Newsie. I feel like they were all done in one take, cause Mitchum was probably uncomfortable laying his hands on a man in any context other than knocking the shit out of him.

There’s also a few times in the film that Mitchum is, surprisingly, required to look like he ‘cares’ about something.

Mitchum kind of cares when you crumple his hat. See THUNDER ROAD. Click on photo for an enlarged view.

He kind of looks off into the distance, wistfully, and you totally believe it, but I can’t help but feel that those moments were brought about by the director threatening to bring about harm to Mitchum’s gin stash. Anyway, Mitchum reprised the role 3 years later in the slightly ridiculous but very entertaining remake of THE BIG SLEEP, but make no mistake, FAREWELL, MY LOVELY is quality. Four and a half stars.

-Sean Gill