Only now does it occur to me... MUPPETS FROM SPACE (1999)

Only now does it occur to me... that F. Murray Abraham, playing the Biblical Noah, once barred Gonzo from entering the ark,


damned him to death by drowning,

and then gave him a tiny umbrella to rub salt in the wound.

This is a wonderful fusion of the kind of miserable bastardry we expect from a typical F. Murray Abraham performance and the light-handed pleasure of a Muppet movie: the result is truly a commendable tableau of Delightful Dickery. 

If you've ever seen a Muppet movie, you know that the human cameos are a well-curated highlight: look no further than Danny Trejo playing himself as a prisoner in a Siberian gulag. In MUPPETS FROM SPACE, some of the prominent appearances include David Arquette as a mad scientist who, warden-like, sends his lab rats to 'The Maze' when they break the rules:

One might even say that he imbues the role with a Steven Weber panache.

 

Pat Hingle (BATMAN, NORMA RAE, MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE) as a no-nonsense general:

Ray Liotta as a security guard who falls victim to Miss Piggy's love potion:

 (A comic Liotta performance is always welcome––see also: his JUST SHOOT ME episodes, as a Christmas-obsessed version of himself)

Kathy Griffin as another security guard who falls prey to Animal's charms:

Hulk Hogan doing some bizarre promotional bit relating to his rebranding as "Hollywood Hogan":

It's no GREMLINS 2

Andie MacDowell as a local newscaster who battles Piggy for the spotlight:

Perhaps she is still "Rita" from GROUNDHOG DAY?

and, as if to prove that it's 1999, Katie Holmes and Joshua Jackson as their characters from DAWSON'S CREEK.

I obviously approve of all of this, even the DAWSON'S CREEK nonsense. I could see MUPPETS FROM SPACE––a post-Henson Muppet movie which received middling press and underperformed at the box office––eventually securing something like a cult following.

Only now does it occur to me... THE MUPPET SHOW 1x01

Only now does it occur to me... that an obscure image in the first-ever produced episode of THE MUPPET SHOW (1x01, hosted by dancer Juliet Prowse in January 1976) seems to have inspired the poster image of the now (unfairly) obscure 1984 educational drama, TEACHERS.

The poster for TEACHERS:

The image in question, whereupon Fozzie Bear and Rowlf the Dog handle an apple bomb:

I really have nothing else to say, except maybe "How 'bout that?"

Only now does it occur to me... MUPPETS MOST WANTED

Only now does it occur to me...  that the new Muppet movie series has finally succeeded in recapturing the spirit of the 1980s... by casting Danny Trejo as a prisoner!  And not just any prisoner– while the rest of them have colorful names, Danny Trejo plays... Danny Trejo.

Also, you are not hallucinating– that's Ray Liotta glowering beside him.  And no, that's not an ordinary prison, that is a Siberian gulag.  So let's allow this to sink in for a minute:  we are seeing Danny Trejo and Ray Liotta as prisoners in a Siberian gulag in a Muppet movie from 2014.

I have often made claims that "technically it's not a prison movie unless Danny Trejo's in it" and that "it's technically not an 80s action movie unless Danny Trejo plays a prisoner or Al Leong plays a henchman," so this technically fulfills all requirements...

...and then some.  I mean, just look at this.  Trejo and Liotta involved in a show-stoppin' song n' dance number while their Commandant Tina Fey and Kermit and Miss Piggy and Kermit's evil doppelgänger look on.  I mean, this is kind of why you watch a Muppet movie in the first place.

There's a lot of other quasi-mind-blowing cameos which I shan't spoil, but as long as we're talking the 1980s, I have to mention that Kermit and Miss Piggy are married by Skeletor (Frank Langella).

In the end, I was pleasantly surprised by this movie.  I found it far superior to THE MUPPETS (2011), and a return to madcap form.

Only now does it occur to me... LABYRINTH!

So, I've been pretty bad lately in terms of writing reviews– and while many more reviews and the Top 100 countdown shall certainly continue at their own pace, I thought I'd introduce a new feature that allows me to post without eating up a great deal of time. These will be quick, one-off, filmic observations: think of it more as a screening log. Anyway, I was watching LABYRINTH on the big screen the other weekend at the Museum of the Moving Image in Queens, and I was incredibly lucky to see it with Brian Henson and designer Brian Froud, his wife Wendy, and their son Toby (who played the baby Toby in LABYRINTH) in attendance; and their talkback was truly inspiring for somebody like me, who is obsessed with practical effects, and is entirely enamored of the practical world that Henson, Froud, and so many others built with THE DARK CRYSTAL and LABYRINTH.

Anyway, only now does it occur to me... that 'Hoggle' is basically Charles Bukowski.

Junta Juleil's Top 100: #70-66

70. FAT GIRL (2001, Catherine Breillat)

I'm the first to admit that, like BAD LIEUTENANT, CRASH, and any number of movies on this list, FAT GIRL is not for everyone. But I will also say that it's probably the truest, most important film about adolescence to come out in years, and its final, 400 BLOWS-mirroring freeze frame conveys an intent to shatter the complacency of watered-down "youth in turmoil" movies, just as Truffaut's film did back in '59. Catherine Breillat is a provocateur, to be sure, but she's neither a dime-store shock-peddler nor an obnoxious feminist. Her films attempt to glean meaning from the ever-shifting dynamics of sex and power which govern human interaction, and she doesn't shy away from asking the tough questions or handing out the tough answers. This is her masterpiece.

69. THE DARK CRYSTAL (1982, Jim Henson & Frank Oz)

I've said this before, but here it goes again:
True creativity, for me, is and has always been the ability to build something out of nothing- with your hands. THE DARK CRYSTAL is the apex of Jim Henson and designer Brian Froud's interminable artistry (they also collaborated on LABYRINTH), and here, they've built a timeless universe of breathtaking spectacle, exotic unfamiliarity, fanciful magic, ancient mysticism, exacting detail, and uncompromising depth. They are so confident (and deservedly so!) in their vision, that they've chosen to dispense with humans altogether, relegating them to puppeteering and vocal duties. There's no CGI here, no poorly rendered computer animations fabricated by some lazy skeeze at his PC. Everything's been rigorously fashioned and laboriously crafted from the ground up. While it's been designed for children to grasp, this is by no means merely a children's film. Using the familiar framework of the "quest" mythos, there's still philosophical complexity, palpable trauma, and visceral evil. Certain images possess a real potency, and stand out from the others: the dying Skeksis Emperor literally crumbling away in mid-screech as his vile, potential successors circle like vultures; the charming, faithful, lovable Fizzgig and his impossibly gaping maw; the genius matte paintings and meticulously sculpted forests that spare no detail from the tiniest of insects to the largest of trees to creatures I cannot even begin to describe. There is a certain REALness to the entirety of the proceedings because the screen is full of objects, animals, and characters that ARE real- someone could hold and manipulate them by hand or by string or by lever, and this is what gives them the breath of life. And with that breath, this film exhales upon the viewer the vivacity, exuberance, and sincerity that were poured into it by its creators. So eff you, CGI. You can toss my motherlovin' salad.

68. PULP FICTION (1994, Quentin Tarantino)

It was difficult to pick a favorite Tarantino. In general, he's something of a polarizing figure– in turns he's pompous, restrained, and occasionally misunderstood by slavering fanboys and disapproving critics alike. RESERVOIR DOGS has the tautness and intensity of a capital-G Great stage play, JACKIE BROWN features Tarantino at the height of his powers as an actor's director, KILL BILL is a helluva lot of well-orchestrated kung fu-spaghetti western fun, DEATH PROOF features perhaps the greatest car chase ever filmed and Kurt Russell's sleaziest, most ridiculous performance since BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA, and INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS forces us to question how each of us (consciously or subconsciously) constructs narratives out of history. In fact, I might have even picked BASTERDS for this list, but I think I need to sit on it for about ten years first. Regardless, PULP FICTION is perhaps the most lovingly-constructed paean to American cinema ever to be sung from the rooftops; it's KISS ME DEADLY and PSYCHO and TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE and RIO BRAVO and CHARLEY VARRICK and SHAFT and ZARDOZ and THE PANIC IN NEEDLE PARK rolled into one, razor-sharp, fast-paced indie crime-fest that got Travolta dancing again, Keitel into a tuxedo, Eric Stoltz eating Fruit Brute, Uma looking like Anna Karina, and Amanda Plummer shivering and shuddering with the force of her own insanity! ...I could go on. A damn good movie, and my only complaint is that Dick Miller got left on the cutting room floor!

67. LOST HIGHWAY (1997, David Lynch)

A spider climbs the wall. Gary Busey whimpers. Robert Blake points a camcorder at you. David Bowie croons "Funny how secrets travel..." You careen down a highway into blackness, the only illumination coming from your flickering headlamps... LOST HIGHWAY is truly an experience. And it makes plenty of sense if you think about it long enough, so don't tell me that "it's needlessly confusing"– it just demands a certain, brooding sort of viewer who'll allow themselves to be lured into the veritable labyrinth that Lynch has constructed. Plus, Robert Loggia's livid, red-faced rant about tailgating is surely worth the price of admission alone. And one of my favorite facets of Lynch's oeuvre is the fact that his movies often linger, long after you've finished watching them; hanging dangerously at the periphery as you continue your day. I first saw LOST HIGHWAY on a VHS with my sister during an overcast, Midwestern afternoon in late summer. Afterward, we went out to dinner with the rest of my family, as it was a special occasion. As afternoon turned to evening, the sense of mystery and uncertainty remained. As I walked into the restaurant, I took a fleeting, sidelong glance into a dimly-lit room adjoining the kitchen. I saw an older woman chopping something, quite robotically, and with a hint of menace. She turned toward me, our eyes locked, and in one forceful movement, she shut the door. The entire exchange couldn't have lasted more than four or five seconds, but it carried with it a frighteningly palpable sense of dread. The only reason I repeat this story is to illustrate that Lynch's power is such that his films don't just invade your dreams (as many have already posited), they invade your waking hours! The best ones are potent enough to put you in a genuine state, whereupon you see the hidden menace in everything. Obviously, it's not a state you ought to be in all the time, but it's a darkly magical one that I deeply appreciate. Brace yourselves for more Lynch as this list continues.

66. THE UNKNOWN (1927, Tod Browning)

Almost everything I could say about this film carries with it the potential of sullying your maiden viewing by way of 'knowing too much.' So I'll tell you this: It stars Lon Chaney, whose virtues I have extolled HERE; co-stars Joan Crawford, whose acting talents and frightening eyebrows I have praised HERE; and was directed by Tod Browning, whose penchant for nightmarish silent and early sound cinema has been raved about HERE. All I'll say is that it deals with ill-advised obsessions, the blossoming of twisted love, and the madness that dances around a man's eyes when he discovers the senselessness of it all. Oh yeah, and it takes place at A CIRCUS. It's bold, it's brutal, and Lon Chaney (near the finale) delivers what has to be the finest reaction shot in all of cinema. One of the greatest films from the silent era (or any other, for that matter).

Coming up next... Philip Glass, my second-favorite ghost story, and Ed Harris fights the dragon!

Previously on the countdown:
#75-71
#80-76
#85-81
#90-86
#95-91
#100-96
Runners-up Part 1
Runners-up Part 2

Film Review: THE DARK CRYSTAL (1982, Jim Henson & Frank Oz)

Stars: 5 of 5.
Running Time: 93 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Jim Henson, Frank Oz, Kathryn Mullen (MUPPET SHOW regular, Mokey Fraggle on FRAGGLE ROCK), Dave Goelz (Gonzo on THE MUPPET SHOW), music by Trevor Jones (EXCALIBUR, LABYRINTH, RUNAWAY TRAIN), design by Brian Froud (LABYRINTH).
Tag-lines: "Another World, Another Time... In the Age of Wonder. "

True creativity, for me, is and has always been the ability to build something out of nothing- with your hands. THE DARK CRYSTAL is the apex of Jim Henson and designer Brian Froud's interminable artistry (they also collaborated on LABYRINTH), and here, they've built a timeless universe of breathtaking spectacle, exotic unfamiliarity, fanciful magic, ancient mysticism, exacting detail, and uncompromising depth. They are so confident (and deservedly so!) in their vision, that they've chosen to dispense with humans altogether, relegating them to puppeteering and vocal duties. There's no CGI here, no poorly rendered computer animations fabricated by some lazy skeeze at his PC. Everything's been rigorously fashioned and laboriously crafted from the ground up.

While it's been designed for children to grasp, this is by no means merely a children's film. Using the familiar framework of the "quest" mythos, there's still philosophical complexity, palpable trauma, and visceral evil.

Certain images possess a real potency, and stand out from the others: the dying Skeksis Emperor literally crumbling away in mid-screech as his vile, potential successors circle like vultures; the charming, faithful, lovable Fizzgig and his impossibly gaping maw;

the genius matte paintings and meticulously sculpted forests that spare no detail from the tiniest of insects to the largest of trees to creatures I cannot even begin to describe. There is a certain REALness to the entirety of the proceedings because the screen is full of objects, animals, and characters that ARE real- someone could hold and manipulate them by hand or by string or by lever, and this is what gives them the breath of life. And with that breath, this film exhales upon the viewer the vivacity, exuberance, and sincerity that were poured into it by its creators. So eff you, CGI. You can toss my motherlovin' salad. Five stars.

-Sean Gill