Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Film Review: RAMBO III (1988, Peter MacDonald)

Stars: 3 of 5.
Running Time: 101 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Sylvester Stallone, Richard Crenna, Jerry Goldsmith, Kurtwood Smith, Vic Armstrong (stunt coordinator who's doubled everyone from Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones, Roger Moore as James Bond, and Christopher Reeve as Superman).
Tag-line: "The first was for himself. The second for his country. This time it's to save his friend."
Best exchange(s):
Hamid: What's that?
Rambo: It's blue light.
Hamid: What does it do?
Rambo: It turns blue.

Moussa: You do not look like men Griggs sent before. You not look like you are with military.
Rambo: I'm not.
Moussa: What you are? Mercenary?
Rambo: No.
Moussa: You're not with military, not mercenary - what you are? Lost tourist?
Rambo: I'm no tourist.

Hey, Rambo, what's happening? It's been a while.

You decided to stay in 'Nam at the end of the last film. Walken went back to 'Nam in THE DEER HUNTER, delirious and self-destructive, playing Russian Roulette for money, are you doing something like that? Ah, you went back to participate in slomo nunchuk (but without the chain) battles with the locals for cold hard cash.

Wow. That's pretty hardcore. I bet the locals don't take too kindly to the white guy who came back to 'Nam to singlehandedly grasp victory from the jaws of defeat. Wait, they love you? Nice place you got here. Wait, you live with MONKS? You're like the handyman?!

Wait a second, what are you doing? You're giving all that money you won to the monks? Are you serious? Damn, Rambo, you're like a saint! Well, now I feel really bad about what I have to ask you. How do you feel about leaving for Afghanistan and killing like a thousand people and a dozen helicopters? It'll be like LAWRENCE OF ARABIA.

Just like it. Except with an endgame that involves you playing a giant game of chicken between your tank and some Russkie's helicopter instead of some crap with Peter O'Toole. No, Rambo, this time it's different.

I even brought the dad from That 70's Show to help sway you. We promise we won't screw you this time.

What? That never happened. Why do you hate America so much John Rambo?

-Sean Gill


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