Thursday, March 7, 2013

Film Review: DISORDERLIES (1987, Michael Schultz)

Stars: 4 of 5.
Running Time: 86 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew:  Starring The Fat Boys (Mark Morales, Darren Robinson, & Damon Wimbley), Anthony Geary (FISH TANK, BLOOD SABBATH), Tony Plana (VALLEY GIRL, JFK, UGLY BETTY), Marco Rodriguez (COBRA, THE CROW), and Ralph Bellamy (HIS GIRL FRIDAY, ROSEMARY'S BABY, THE WOLF MAN).  Written by Mitchell Klebanoff and Mark Feldberg (BEVERLY HILLS NINJA).  Directed by Michael Schultz (THE LAST DRAGON, CAR WASH).  Featuring music by Bon Jovi, Bananarama, The Fat Boys, Ca$hflow, and The Art of Noise.
Tag-line: "Lapping up luxury and rapping up a storm!"
Best one-liner:  Every... single... line.

[TO PROPERLY READ THIS REVIEW, BEGIN BEAT-BOXING NOW]

The Fat Boys are back
And you know they can never be whack
The Fat Boys are back
As thespians they've a natural knack

To film goers they had nothin' to prove
Cause they stole our hearts already with the masterpiece KRUSH GROOVE

Disorderly orderlies with skills you can't dismiss
They say "Let's do this like Brutus... or maybe (Jerry) Lewis"

A gold-diggin' son sprouts an scheme quite cockamamie
Holy shit,  his dad is played by Ralph Bell-amy!?

Anyway the son, he wants his wealthy dad dead
So he hires on the Fat Boys to nurse him in his bed


Son leaves 'em alone because he's content
That sooner or later dad'll meet with an acc-i-dent

With Hawaiian shirts and Davy Crockett hats
The Boys aren't quite ready for tuxedos and spats

First they play poker, ante-in' up with his pills

Then they get the idea for some Bellamy cheap-thrills!

You think he's gonna hate it at the roller discoteque
But he ends up fittin' perfect, like a cassette fits a deck!


The Fat Boys are back
And you know they can never be whack
The Fat Boys are back
As thespians they've a natural knack

There's a Fuller-style WHITE DOG who needs to be fought
Whoa!  Social commentary!  Who woulda thought?

Hey– Remember when COBRA was drinkin' the beer
and told this guy "Go ahead, I don't shop here"
Well that Cannon Film baddie of Golan n' Globus
Shows up here with his same old sour puss
He could maybe even pass for– well he could almos' 
STAND AND DELIVER like a poor man's Ol-mos

The Fat Boys are back
And you know they can never be whack
The Fat Boys are back
As thespians they've a natural knack


Dressed to the nine
Scottish pine
Fine red wine...

CON-GA LINE!

They're livin' the high life cause they're such good guys
Hell, I think the Fat Boys rate a Nobel Prize

Well to the evil son that don't mean a thing
Who I forgot to mention looks a lot like Sting

He assaults dad's mansion 'stead of eatin' some crow
And the denouement seems culled from a RAMBO

The baddies get Krushed by the weight o' the boys
Even in combat they've got a natural poise

It gets real zany n' there's a fire jet of flame
but dontcha worry kiddies cause we end on a freeze-frame!

The Fat Boys are back
And you know they can never be whack
The Fat Boys are back
As thespians they've a natural knack

[END BEAT-BOXING NOW]

-Sean Gill

2 comments:

Francisco Gonzalez said...

Cool of you to review Disorderlies! I use to watch it when I was a kid, but haven't revisited it since, your review makes me want to check it out to remember the good old days. i mentioned this one on my review for Krush Groove and Beat Street a while back.

Sean Gill said...

Francisco,

Thanks for stopping by! Just checked out your BEAT STREET/KRUSH GROOVE review- very nice. I suppose you're right that the Fat Boys' obsession with overeating is sort of disturbing in retrospect, but I think their bright-eyed, infectious positive energy manages to overcome it, at least to some extent. Love their NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET video, too. In fact, I love practically everything from this era, from the serious (STYLE WARS, BEAT STREET) to the sublime (the BREAKIN' films, et al.).