Friday, November 14, 2014

Only now does it occur to me... SPY KIDS 3-D: GAME OVER

Only now does it occur to me... that Bill Paxton nearly saves SPY KIDS 3-D GAME OVER from itself.

Granted, this is a children's movie that embraced the 3-D gimmick (in 2003) before its officially annoying resurrection, and by all accounts is trying to be a nonsensical mess of CGI fuckery.  However, even by Rodriguez/SPY KIDS standards, this is pretty unbearable, and for the first three-quarters of its runtime, the only saving grace is Ricardo Montalbán in a CGI robot suit.
The primary antagonist is Sylvester Stallone (who agreed to do this at one of the lowest points of his career) as a computer programmer known as "The Toymaker"
who frequently banters with three virtual alter-egos, all also played by Stallone, including a Kaiser, a nerd, and a hippie.
This is even more awkward than you can possibly imagine.
You will recall Stallone's earlier attempts at comedy in such films as RHINESTONE and OSCAR and STOP! OR MY MOM WILL SHOOT.
I think I'll leave it at that.

Anyway, in the final act, characters from the previous SPY KIDS films are called into action to defeat giant CGI robots.  Everyone was clearly on set for about five minutes, delivering their line in front of a green screen and then going about their business.  You gotta love Rodriguez.  Anyway, this motley crew includes Steve Buscemi, who maintains his dignity despite riding a flying pig,
Danny Trejo as Uncle Machete,
Alan Cumming, Tony Shaloub, Carla Gugino as "Mom," Banderas as "Dad,"
etc., etc., etc.  And then we have Bill Paxton as "Dinky Winks"
who delivers this film's benediction:
in a perfect reference to both the film's title and Paxton's own legendary line reading "GAME OVER, MAN!  GAME OVER!!!" from ALIENS.  Thank God for Paxton.

(Also, in case it was somehow not apparent from the screenshot of "Hippie Stallone," you should absolutely not see this movie.)


J.D. Lafrance said...

Yeah, I consider myself a pretty big Rodriguez fan but this film tested my faith. I guess I'm not really the target audience for this movie so I'll just move on to SIN CITY 2 thankyouverymuch.

Sean Gill said...


As you say, we're not really the target demographic, but with slummin' Stallone and Trejo and Paxton, I couldn't resist– against my better judgment. And I suppose I paid the price for that. At least we have screen captures of Stallone dressed as a hippie.