Film Review: HALLOWEEN 666: THE CURSE OF MICHAEL MYERS (1995, Joe Chappelle)

Stars: 2 of 5.

Running Time: 88 minutes.

Notable Cast or Crew:  Donald Pleasence (THE GREAT ESCAPE, PHENOMENA), Kim Darby (DON'T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK, BETTER OFF DEAD), Paul Rudd (CLUELESS, WET HOT AMERICAN SUMMER), Mitch Ryan (DARK SHADOWS, LETHAL WEAPON).  Music by Alan Howarth (ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK, ARMY OF DARKNESS) and Paul Rabjohns (OPERATION CONDOR, CHILDREN OF THE CORN V) with the main theme by John Carpenter. 

Tag-line: "Terror never rests in peace!"

Best one-liner:  "Enough of this Michael Myers bullshit!"

HALLOWEEN 6 is not a good movie.  I'm sure ya don't need me to tell you that.  Its reputation lives somewhere in between "Paul Rudd's first movie" and "the worst of the HALLOWEEN series."   (Though there there is a dedicated cult of fans who insist that the rare, "Producer's Cut" of the film is far superior.)

Anyway, I saw HALLOWEEN 6 (the theatrical cut) recently for the first time and I couldn't help but feel it would make a great addition to the "Poor Man's Carpy" series.  Now, there are three points relating to Carpenter that I'd like to hit, so I'll be brief:

#1.  Donald Pleasence.

HALLOWEEN 6 was the late, great Donald Pleasence's penultimate movie, and his final HALLOWEEN appearance (the film is dedicated to his memory).  He's looking pretty grizzled and a little run-down, and he easily could have turned this into a phoned-in "paycheck" performance, but that trademark Pleasence pathos really shines through.  As a viewer, you project a little extra emotional weight onto the film, knowing that it's the final appearance of a such a beloved character and horror icon, and that effect is undeniable.  RIP, Donald.

#2.  Stomach-pounders.   Die hard fans of John Carpenter's THE FOG will remember the scene where Adrienne Barbeau's son says "Mom, can I have a stomach-pounder and a Coke?"  Now, what the hell is a stomach-pounder?  Hmm?
This has fueled much speculation amongst the most bored and obsessive of fans, with some believing it to be a reference to Pop Rocks, others believing it to mean "quarter-pounder" burger or ice cream or a type of cake, and others still speculating that it refers to "bad meatloaf."  So imagine my delight when in HALLOWEEN 6, the following line is uttered:

"This is the famous Tim Strode stomach pounder.  You down for the challenge?"

I have to assume this line is probably not ad-libbed and therefore the work of the writer, Daniel Farrands, whose contributions to NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, AMITYVILLE HORROR, and FRIDAY THE 13TH DVD bonus materials lead me to believe that he is quite the 80s horror aficionado.  Clearly, as a writer on HALLOWEEN 6, he is a Carpy enthusiast-  hence the obscure reference.

Here, in context, the stomach-pounder appears to be a Calvin & Hobbes-style "suicide drink" smoothie, a concoction of everyday grocery items that is blended into a disgusting result that the kiddies might think is "cool."  Though it doesn't definitively answer what the intended reference was in THE FOG, it's a fun easter egg for the true Carpy-freaks!


#3.  The return of HALLOWEEN III?

As the HALLOWEEN series progressed and John Carpenter officially had nothing to do with it (HALLOWEEN 4, HALLOWEEN 5), nutty attempts were made to "explain" the evil of Michael Myers– attempts that included a mysterious tattooed man in black, a druid "Cult of Thorn," unethical genetic engineering, villainous constellations, myths of Samhain, and a whole bunch of gobbledygook that belonged in a straight-to-video 90s Satan-worshipper movie.

Now, some thirteen years prior, the HALLOWEEN franchise had been nearly been derailed completely by a film I hold incredibly close to my heart:  HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH.  This film was notable for eschewing Michael Myers altogether and telling the saga of an evil cult of killer-robot-manufacturing Irish people living in a small town in California who are hell-bent (literally!) on killing the children of America by way of rigged masks that will turn them into rotting piles of snakes and spiders.  They are doing this so that people will take Halloween seriously again.

Most people hated this movie because Michael Myers wasn't in it, and apparently there wasn't enough Tom Atkins nudity.  So now, thirteen years later (spoooky!), the makers of HALLOWEEN 6 begin to jam-pack the film with just the sort of crazed, druid-infused conspiracy theory nonsense that turned fans off in the first place.  Is this an intentional homage to the greatness of HALLOWEEN III?  The series itself committing harakiri?  An attempt at a tie-in for "Cult of Thorn" merchandise at Hot Topic?  Who knows.

So yeah.  HALLOWEEN 6, ladies and gentlemen.  Now go ask your mothers if you can have a stomach-pounder and a Coke!  Stay tuned for more Poor Man's Carpy!

–Sean Gill

DEAD DREAM MACHINE on NY1

Everyone's favorite local channel has been running a feature plugging my latest theatrical endeavor, THE DEAD DREAM MACHINE!  

Time Warner Cable customers can watch the clip here.

This is the last weekend you can see THE DEAD DREAM MACHINE: get your tickets here, watch the trailer I made here, and get more information here!

New Recurring Series: Poor Man's John Carpenter

It is my distinct (dis?)pleasure to announce a new, recurring series for this blog which will probably continue, on and off, through the Halloween season and beyond.  It's name?:  "Poor Man's John Carpenter."

What, pray tell, does that mean?, you are probably asking.  Well, it's pretty damned broad.  It could mean the analysis of John Carpenter screenplays that were taken over by other directors and made for television (or worse), it could be book reviews of paperback novelizations of Carpy classics, it could mean ersatz HALLOWEEN and VAMPIRES sequels with which Carpy had pretty much nothing at all to do– yes, it could mean all of these, and more–  a variety of exciting and groan-inducing Carpy marginalia.  So put on your knock-off Ray Bans, don your unlicensed Michael Myers masks and take a trip with me to the land of "POOR MAN'S CARPY!"

Music Review: GOBLIN LIVE IN CONCERT (2013, U.S.)

As a part of their first-ever North American tour (after a long and on-again-off-again history dating back to 1972), I was lucky enough to see Goblin perform live last night at the Music Hall of Williamsburg in Brooklyn, NY.  

They played crowd-pleasing selections from the album ROLLER and from their soundtracks to ZOMBI (DAWN OF THE DEAD), PROFONDO ROSSO (DEEP RED), NON HO SONNO (SLEEPLESS), TENEBRE, and PHENOMENA, among others, often accompanied by gory mondo projections, including clips from DAWN OF THE DEAD and the Goblin-Argento oeuvre.

It was a pleasure to see three of the original members:  the legendary Claudio Simonetti (wearing a DANGER: DIABOLIK t-shirt),

Simonetti tinkles the ivories.  Photo by Greg Cristman, from the writeup at Brooklyn Vegan.

veteran Maurizio Guarini jammin' on the second keyboard, and virtuoso Massimo Morante (prog) rocking out (on his birthday, no less!) in tight leather pants, sunglasses, and a bandana that could hardly tame his frizzy, Italo-rocker 70s hair.

Massimo plays it loud. Photo by Greg Cristman, from the writeup at Brooklyn Vegan.

This was, obviously, outstanding.  (They were also joined by newer members, drummer Titta Tani and bassist Bruno Previtali.)

A near front-row view afforded me a glimpse of their tightly-knit, non-verbal shorthand, from which I get a sort of furtive satisfaction when I have the privilege of seeing it live from a band I love.  Their Italian-accented banter with the audience was endearing and fantastic ("Hello Brew-kleen!"), Claudio did the vox effects from TENEBRE live, and he dared the audience to do their best witchy whispering along with him on SUSPIRIA– in short, I had a big dopey grin on my face the entire time.

Also, I never thought I would see Claudio Simonetti and Massimo Morante sing "Happy Birthday to Me" and mock-drink from a giant cardboard cut-out of a bottle of Jim Beam while a crowd of Brooklynites roared in approval.  And, my Lord– they may be getting a bit long in the tooth, but as my ringing ears can attest, they played it loud.  What a show– and a fine start to my Halloween season!

"Do You Want to Go to the Circus? Do You Want to Go to the Circus?" is an official selection at PollyGrind 2013

My absurdist horror short, Do You Want to Go to the Circus? Do You Want to Go to the Circus? has been named an official selection for PollyGrind 2013, the underground film festival of Las Vegas, where my film Fresh Piss won the "Best Transgressive Short" award last year.

The plot synopsis is as follows: "You are cordially invited to make the acquaintance of a remarkable circus duck who, incidentally, happens to be in your apartment." 

It stars John Sellers and Perry Triplett, features music by Jesse Carlson and Norka, and was written, shot, edited, and directed by yours truly.

New Trailer for THE DEAD DREAM MACHINE

Dead Dream Machine: Trailer from Sean Gill on Vimeo.

There are still two more weekends to go– get your tickets here, watch the other trailer I made here, and get more information here!

More praise for THE DEAD DREAM MACHINE!

More reviews are in!

New York Magazine names it a "Critics' Pick" and says: "In this very strange play, a mad scientist has built a machine that extracts dreams from a young woman’s brain. At the finale every night, a crew of alt-venue stars—drag queens, born-to-showbiz kids, burlesque artists— all join in on a goth performance of a Nick Cave tune."

Downtown Traveler says:  "New York City has no shortage of Halloween attractions...but if you are looking for more high-brow entertainment– with a decidedly anti-Wall Street bent– head to Brooklyn for Dead Dream Machine.  This off- off- off- Broadway show features a talented cast and scenes that range from hysterical to bizarre... a uniquely Brooklyn production that combines elements of burlesque, acrobatics, puppetry and bondage. ... so hysterical, offbeat and downright bizarre [some segments] played over and over in my mind throughout the weekend.  ...You’ll feel trendy just for attending this show."

Brooklyn Spaces says:  I was lucky enough to catch a press preview of ...the incredible Dead Dream Machine... and it RULES. Go!"

Courtesan Macabre says:  "I had the pleasure of trekking out to East Williamsburg (Bushwick) NY last night to experience the new production, The Dead Dream Machine... It was disturbing and made you squirm... [director Rachel Klein] mixes style and sensuality into her visual storytelling."

My Entertainment World says:  "Consistently entertaining. ...a series of both horrifying and comedic skits.  ...the ensemble of The Dead Dream Machine was remarkable.  ...I enjoyed living the nightmares produced by the The Dead Dream Machine."

There are still two more weekends to go– get your tickets here, watch the trailer I made here, and get more information here!

Film Review: PET SEMATARY TWO (1992, Mary Lambert)

Stars: 2.5 of 5.

Running Time: 100  minutes.

Notable Cast or Crew:   Anthony Edwards (MIRACLE MILE, ER, ZODIAC), Edward Furlong (TERMINATOR 2, AMERICAN HISTORY X), Clancy Brown (HIGHLANDER, EXTREME PREJUDICE), Jared Rushton (BIG, OVERBOARD), Darlanne Fluegel (TO LIVE AND DIE IN L.A., BULLETPROOF, RUNNING SCARED), Jason McGuire (LEAP OF FAITH, FORREST GUMP).  Written by Richard Outten (LITTLE NEMO: THE 80S MOVIE) and vaguely, but not really based on elements from PET SEMATARY, by Stephen King.

Tag-line: "Raise some hell."

Best one-liner:  "No brain, no pain... think about it."

PET SEMATARY TWO boldly asks the question, "Can a movie be worse than PET SEMATARY ONE?"  The answer is "Yes... well, kind of."

Aside from the presence of bullies and the general idea of a supernatural cemetery whereupon pets and and occasionally humans can be buried only to rise from the dead and become (at best) soulless versions of their former selves, or (at worst) evil killer zombies, this really has nothing to do with anything Stephen King ever wrote.  As such, it sort of feels like PET SEMATARY fan-fiction. Still, it is important to note that PET SEMATARY TWO is not abjectly terrible.  In fact, there are quite a few things to like here.  Seven, in fact:

#1.  Sullen Anthony Edwards.

Pre-ER Anthony Edwards plays a medical professional (a veterinarian) who has lost his wife and is trying to raise moody, early 90s Edward Furlong.

Pictured: moody, early 90s Edward Furlong.

Interestingly enough, Edwards' deceased wife is played by Darlanne Fluegel, an actress who got a tremendous amount of niche work as "practically the only woman" in movies that are otherwise jam-packed with male character actors, and this is no exception.  (Also see:  TO LIVE AND DIE IN L.A., BULLETPROOF, LOCK UP, RUNNING SCARED.) Weird.

Anyway, Edwards is pretty great– so great, that you'll really regret that he didn't play "Louis Creed" in PET SEMATARY 1, since Dale Midkiff didn't really have the chops to pull it off.  Maybe the tremendous pathos of Anthony Edwards could have "saved" PET SEMATARY 1– I guess we'll never know.

#2.  The awkwardly exclaimed line, "Thanks for screwing up our Halloween, dumb shit!"

which is laughably uttered by a small town bully– thus making it officially the most "Stephen King-ian" thing in the movie.


#3.  Clancy Brown.  Longtime readers of this site know of my ongoing appreciation of his work, which ranges from evil sons of bitches (HIGHLANDER) to badass good guys (STARSHIP TROOPERS, EXTREME PREJUDICE, THE ADVENTURES OF BUCKAROO BANZAI).

 Here, he gets to play the Kurgan (from HIGHLANDER) again, essentially– he starts off as an abusive dad/uptight town sheriff, and after being killed and resurrected, turns into a spectacularly psychotic, scenery (and lima beans) chewing maniac.

There's a great scene where his overweight son apologizes for not being the "stud" Clancy is.



And there's an even better scene when an undead Clancy smashes unidentifiable dinner goop and lima beans into his mouth and laughs maniacally for at least twenty seconds.


No, PET SEMATARY TWO is not a good movie, but the beauty of Clancy Brown's deranged performance occasionally fools you into thinking it is.

#4.  These creepy twin girls who reveal, for a fleeting moment, what it would look like if THE SHINING were directed by, say, the makers of FULL HOUSE.



#5.  DEATH BY SPUDS!

How would you like your potato, sir?  Baked?  Roasted?  Mashed?  Stuffed?  Scalloped?  HOW 'BOUT RAINING DOWN ON YOU IN A MURDEROUS, SKULL-SQUASHIN' DELUGE?!


Honestly, in the annals of film history, I don't think there's ever been a "death by potatoes" scene quite like this one.  Nice job, PET SEMATARY TWO!

#6.  The magnificence of the following scene, whereupon an undead Clancy Brown attempts to murder Anthony Edwards with crazy-eye and an electric drill, loopily hypothesizing, "No brain, no pain...  think about it!"






#7.  While The Ramones unfortunately don't give us "I Don't Wanna Be Buried in a Pet Sematary (Again)," they do indeed again provide the rockin' beats of the closing credits with the song, "Poison Heart."

In closing, PET SEMATARY TWO ain't great– and you didn't need me to tell ya that, I'm sure.  Still, a couple of spit-take worthy moments and some killer potatoes push this up to... two and a half stars.

–Sean Gill