Thursday, April 1, 2010

I can't tell you how happy I am to live in a world where this is not an April Fool's Day Prank.

You know, a 'Full Eclipse.' It's like a 'Total Eclipse,' except made for television. And is it just me, or is there some confusion about whether the guy on the bottom is 'evil van Peebles' or not?
I guess I just have Jekyll/Hyde stories on the brain, because

This is one of those movies where one day you're theorizing 'wouldn't it have been kickass if they'd done a multigender Jekyll/Hyde tale back when Sean Young was in her loony prime?' And then the universe course-corrects itself, and next thing you know, the VHS is sitting there on your lap. Also note: the googly eyes, mid-transition.

WHAT! Someone dares to rip off Castellari! Ye gods! Isn't there a law against that?! But I guess you can make anything cooler by sticking it in the desert...

No! Not Golan-Globus getting ripped off, too! But we can all take a deep breath, because this is the work of post-Cannon Golan. Whew.

I guess this is a lot like THE RUNNING MAN, except with leather daddies and the font from your alarm clock.

"Scott- get a little closer to Jamie Lee. No, a little closer. Closer. Close enough so her hair's in your ear. Hold it right there. Don't move. Now look really serious. Really stern. Come on, the stakes are really high. Perfect." ...and Bette Davis.

"So here's the concept: THE NIGHT PORTER." –"THE NIGHT PORTER plus what?" "Um. THE NIGHT PORTER plus bitches?" –"How about just one bitch." "Sold."

A lot of people know this one already, but again, let me remind you- we live in a world where it exists.

I've actually got a review of this one in the works. How can you go wrong with Rutger Hauer, Powers Boothe, Donald Pleasence, and Kathleen Turner in a movie about endangered birds?

Slow down, slow down...too many words! You had me at Holbrook.

SEE HOME APPLIANCES SLICE AND DICE!!!! ....PEOPLE!!! And apparently "three knives" now constitute a "home appliance."

I would like to point out that this pre-dates FRIDAY THE 13TH.

Another Joe D'Amato trashterpiece. I keep thinking that there's a hidden anagram in the title or something. And why have one ball with spikes on a chain when you can have three?

What do you say? What can you say? Well... I hope they paid you up front, Dennehy. Cause it'd be pretty recockulous if the producers snookered you by sayin' that "the check is..." well, yeah.

What, was Terence Hill unavailable? And if he was, why did they even cast Bud Spencer? It seems like the sort of thing tailor-made for DeLuise/Reynolds.

Paul Schrader directed it. Angelo Badalamenti did the music. Dennis Hopper stars. Supporting players include Eric Bogosian, Penelope Ann Miller, and Julian Sands, and we're coasting on the fact that one of five producers here (Gale Anne Hurd) has a tenuous connection to THE TERMINATOR and ALIENS? And I really think that "It's a new kind of evil as old as time" has got to be the worst tag-line this side of "KEN SAGOES, THE KID WHO SURVIVED 'NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3' IS BACK!"

Produced by, directed by, and starring Robert Forster. Co-starring his daughter, Kate Forster. If that's too much Forster for ya, there's a little Joe Spinell thrown into the mix just to spice it up. Did I mention that this movie didn't do so well?

I'd like to see this one- it's from the producer of THE TERMINATOR and ALIENS. 'Imagine WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT? with witches and zombies instead of toons." Okay, I'm imagining it. In all seriousness though- Fred Ward, David Warner, Julianne Moore, and Clancy Brown?! And did I mention that Fred Ward plays "Detective H.P. Lovecraft?" And why is a pentagram being hurled at his nads by what appears to be a boglin? Perhaps the most important question here is- WHERE DO I SIGN UP?

And on that note, I'll say- expect to see a few of these getting the full treatment on the site in the next few months...

-Sean Gill


J.D. said...

Yeah, that CAST A DEADLY SPELL looks awesome! And the way they have David Warner posing is almost as if his evil wizard character from TIME BANDITS went undercover in civvies.

Also, who did they get to model for the ATOR poster, Sebastian Bach?!

All of these look great in their bat-shit crazy way.

Jason said...

Awesome! I hope you're doing ENDGAME and CAST A DEADLY SPELL!

GuyR said...

Ah, yes, Boglins, the finest toys ever!

HK Fanatic said...

"And why have one ball with spikes on a chain when you can have three?"

That line definitely caught me off guard and made me laugh aloud in public.

What's crazy is that before they closed the video store down the street from me had ratty, yellowed VHS copies of a few of these movies. I instantly recognized the covers to "Full Eclipse," "Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde," and "Witch Hunt." In retrospect, I only wish I would have rented them when I had the chance!

Sean Gill said...

Glad everyone enjoyed these forgotten gems of yesteryear.

Currently in the process of purchasing CAST A DEADLY SPELL. And I see that FULL ECLIPSE is available on Netflix, but I'm not quite sure if I'm ready to take that plunge just yet.