Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Only now does it occur to me... THE BEACH

Only now does it occur to me... that you're probably thinking THE BEACH is an unusual pick for my Halloween Countdown.  However, I think that if we begin tossing words around like "(Entitled Hippie) Horror Beach Party" or "Jungle Faux-hemian Cult," or "Man-Eats-Shark, Shark-Eats-Man Attack," you might begin to see what I mean.  In any event, the fascists over at 20th Century Fox wouldn't let me upload a YouTube video entitled "Leonardo DiCaprio's Master's Class in Acting, Volume 1: THE BEACH," even though it was extremely educational and a benefit to society at large.  Instead, you'll have to settle for some screen captures and my vivid descriptions, sans context.

SEE!  DiCaprio leap out from behind a palm frond and hiss at a doomed woman with the ferocity of a rabid mongoose:


BEHOLD! DiCaprio enunciating bizarre and inappropriate syllables while he explains that
"As for climbing down there, that is just an...

BEAR WITNESS! To DiCaprio channeling his existential ennui (less like LORD OF THE FLIES and more like "BORED OF THE FLIES" amirite?) into believing he's living a low-rent 1990s arcade game,
complete with bad video-pixelation and a generic "jungle danger" concept,

although we do get to watch a giant, face-huggin' spider go to town on DiCaprio's head,

till it's GAME OVER, man!
I for one, welcome THE BEACH into the horror canon.



Jason said...

I thought somehow you Photoshopped those pics of Leo in the video game. An internet search confirmed that you are not messing with us. I do not understand how this is possible, but am beginning to accept it. Well played!

Sean Gill said...


Indeed it is a genuine scene from THE BEACH. The road to acceptance can be a long one.