Only now does it occur to me... STAR WARS: DROIDS––THE PIRATE AND THE PRINCE (1985)

Only now does it occur to me.... that, for the serious STAR WARS fan, there are at least a few bizarre reasons to watch the aggressively mediocre DROIDS animated series (1985-1986). This one I'm looking at today is a four-episode story arc that's been edited into a feature-length film called THE PIRATE AND THE PRINCE. [There are fourteen episodes of this nonsense in toto, eight of which are available on DVD, and the idea is that they take place in roughly the fifteen years before STAR WARS: A NEW HOPE (1977).] The major draws are the vocal appearance of Anthony Daniels as C-3PO, the use of Ben Burtt's iconic sound design, a number of obscure STAR WARS references for the diehards, and a barrage of laughable insanity endemic to '80s cartoons made on the cheap.


Big daisy chain energy



Feels like a Salacious Crumb reference

I don't really need to touch too much on the main plot, which is about scepters and magic orbs and alien princes and things we don't really care about. So––without further ado––eleven minutiae I noticed about THE PIRATE AND THE PRINCE cycle:


#1. R2-D2 and C-3PO spend an inordinate amount of time in this piece waiting tables. While 3PO looks pretty snazzy in an apron, I think it's mostly so they can have a throwback to R2 serving cocktails in RETURN OF THE JEDI.

This guy is totally a reject from YELLOW SUBMARINE



Also, it's worth noting that their throwback-diner cook boss is a grizzled, four-armed alien

and the clear inspiration for one of George Lucas' most eye-rolling prequel characters, the dirty bellyshirt-wearing "Dexter Jettster."

#2. On that note, one of the stupidest vehicles from the prequels (from REVENGE OF THE SITH)––a big wheel with legs on it––

 

seemingly found its origin in these episodes of DROIDS. Lucas and his staff were apparently diving deep in the archives when it came to vehicle design.

It's just a big wheel and you ride in it

#3. Not to mention that this is apparently the source of Adam Driver's "Kylo Ren" from the sequel trilogy. You see, the main antagonist is a tantrum-throwing space pirate named "Kybo Ren," who is essentially a heavyset outlaw biker/Mongol invader straight out of an American International picture.


Huh. I guess J.J. liked the name?


#4. Stylistically, I'm fairly impressed by how well they adhere to the STAR WARS canon. We have the same Kurosawa-inspired wipes as in the live-action films, the Ben Burtt sound effects are well-curated (he had a hand in the production and some of the storylines), and they've clearly paid attention to the starship design, even when it comes to minor vehicles, glimpsed in passing in the movies.

A-Wings, etc.

They're plugged in to what the nerd kids paid attention to. Which means that for every generic biker-pirate, there's a––

#5. Sy Snootles cameo?!

Behold Sy Snootles, the lead singer in Jabba the Hutt's house band:

I appreciate the general willingness to go for semi-obscure movie references when they could have easily gone for completely generic aliens in every case (don't worry, there are a lot of generic aliens, too). She's also been slightly bowdlerized a bit in, shall we say, the mammary region, which is probably for the best. At least she kept her snazzy peacock feather.


#6. IG-88 cameo.

He's a droid extra with no lines––it's not even an under-five situation––in the background of a scene in THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK, when Boba Fett is first introduced:

In this cartoon, he's a minor antagonist, and he actually speaks English––in a tone very similar to James Earl Jones' Darth Vader. Who knew?


#7. Space Grace Jones. I'm pretty sure the female lead (the extremely non-STAR WARS sounding "Jessica Meade") is loosely based on Grace Jones.


She's got a flattop and a lot of badass energy, though she can't compare to actual sci-fi Grace Jones, last seen at Junta Juleil in CYBER BANDITS. At least she gets a scene where she knocks over a gigantic alien goon, wedges him in a doorway, and then uses his juicy caboose as some kind of springboard after saying "Ladies first."



#8. I have to tip my hat to a scene where R2-D2 pretends to be a torture droid in order to trick a confession out of a perp. Gives a real window into R2 and 3PO's essentially S&M relationship, too.


C-3PO is actually praying


More on this later, I guess.


#9. I also appreciate when a Gamorrean Guard (from Jabba's Palace in RETURN OF THE JEDI) and a generic alien pull the ol' crouch n' shove on C-3PO, sending him careening (toward a crotch).



#10. Sex robots. An old prospector in the cantina dances with what can only be described as the low-rent sex-bot version of Rosie from THE JETSONS.

Based on his look of pervy smugness (he's winking, for godssakes!) and the blow-up doll-inspired rouge detailing, I really don't think there's any other way to read this. Pretty sure this is the first time that STAR WARS ever tackled this issue, at least until SOLO's depiction of the complicated relationship between Lando and his FLEABAG droid.


#11. Speaking of which, the DROIDS series really lets R2 and 3PO explore their sensuality.



And I'm 90% certain that this was animated by at least one person with a "Sir Mix-a-Lot-adjacent" fetish. The number of roly-poly dudes who end up with their asses in the air cannot be denied.

Probably a good note to end on. To be continued...

Coming soon: "DROIDS week"

In which things get a little STAR WARS nerdy at Junta Juleil as I analyze 8 episodes of the landmark 1985-1986 series (and their outsize influence on the sequel and prequel trilogies), which is all the DROIDS bullshit you'll be able to handle for a while and then some.

Only now does it occur to me... BABE: PIG IN THE CITY (1998)

Only now does it occur to me... that BABE: PIG IN THE CITY is a children's film of uncommon imagination and depth. This is mostly due to the fact that high-octane Aussie auteur George Miller (the MAD MAX series, THE WITCHES OF EASTWICK)––who directed, co-wrote, and co-produced––imbues it with sweeping pathos and frenetic vigor. Basically, it plays like an outré action movie that happens to star a cast of genuinely lovable animals. It's as if Jacques Tati, Steven Spielberg, Hayao Miyazaki, and Michael Winner all collaborated on a movie about a talking pig. It's intense, artistic, and... legitimately good, is what I'm saying.

Set in "Metropolis"––an insane amalgamation of every major city worldwide––

it's an incredible sequence of action setpiece after action setpiece. As a wild sprint from start to finish, it reminded this viewer of Miller's own masterpiece, MAD MAX: FURY ROAD. Following this line of thinking to its conclusion, allow me to present to you "The Nine Ways George Miller's BABE: PIG IN THE CITY most resembles MAD: MAX FURY ROAD."

#1. When the clown Fugly Floom––played by Mickey Rooney, naturally––has silver cake icing on his face,

and it looks as if he's going to have a "Witness me!" moment, shiny and chrome.

#2. When gangs of street toughs threaten murder and mutilation in Babe's Metropolis:

 

and on Fury Road:

#3. When Flealick (voiced by Adam Goldberg), the endearing, disabled Jack Russell Terrier grabs hold of the dog-catchers' truck with his teeth

 

 

and becomes involved in a balls-to-the-wall car chase with a result that, at the very least, tugs at the heartstrings.

#4. When a Bull Terrier becomes trapped underwater by a chain and is unable to free itself,

 

a sequence ending on a note of actual poignancy.

#5. When Babe gets put into bondage wear.

#6. When it seems as if literally everyone is packing heat.

#6. When there's pure junkyard carnage during a chase scene.

#7. When there's a fire at a children's hospital clown-show (many of the children look as sickly as FURY ROAD's war pups)

 

and Mickey Rooney stumbles around in grotesque horror, looking a bit like Immortan Joe discovering an empty vault.

#8. When there's an entire action setpiece built around stylized villains on bungee cords.

 

She's no Doof Warrior, but then again, who is?

Basically, it may be the only film that could fully sate a MAD MAX convention as well as a children's birthday party. You should probably see it.