Only now does it occur to me... SONS OF ANARCHY, "CAREGIVER" (3x3) (2010)

Only now does it occur to me... that Stephen King's "Bachman" character, who appears in a just a few minutes of one season three episode ("Caregiver"), ought to have his own spin-off series.

Without giving away any substantial SONS OF ANARCHY spoilers, I'll say that it's a show about violent biker gangs that somehow combines the sensibilities of STONE COLD and HAMLET.  It's a veritable playground for some great character actors like Ron Perlman, Katey Sagal, William Lucking, and Kim Coates to ply their trade.  It's a guilty pleasure that occasionally approaches art, like CON AIR.

In any event, in this particular third season episode, circumstances arise that demand the talents of a "cleaner," that old crime-scene-erasing cliché of hardboiled stories, a profession perhaps most popularly depicted by Harvey Keitel in PULP FICTION.  The "cleaner" that they call here is "Bachman" (the name itself a nod to King's nom de plume "Richard Bachman")



King shows up, riding his real-life motorcycle and wearing his own biker attire.  What follows are three or four minutes of spectacular television, as King kookily creeps us out in a very reserved, soft-spoken way.  He demands "80s music" before descending below to dispose of the body– while the actual disposal is left to the imagination, the viewer certainly imagines hacksaws, vats of acid, or worse.  Later, he demonstrates hilarious taste in home decor during a brilliantly bizarre coda that I shan't spoil here.

I'd dare to say King's performance is nuanced, which may come as a shock if you've only seen him as Jordy Verrill in CREEPSHOW or "Hoagie Man" in KNIGHTRIDERS.  Though SONS OF ANARCHY is not a horrorshow in the traditional sense, I think that Stephen King's alter-ego doing unspeakable things in a basement warrants mention in the midst of a Halloween countdown!

2014 HALLOWEEN COUNTDOWN

1.  FROM DUSK TILL DAWN 2: TEXAS BLOOD MONEY (1999, Scott Spiegel)

2.  MARK OF THE VAMPIRE (1935, Tod Browning)

3.  FULL MOON HIGH (1981, Larry Cohen)

4.  EIGHT-LEGGED FREAKS (2002, Ellory Elkayem)

5.  MASTERS OF HORROR: WE ALL SCREAM FOR ICE CREAM (2007, Tom Holland)
6. ...