Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Film Review: FOREVER MINE (1999, Paul Schrader)

Stars: 2.9 of 5.
Running Time: 115 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Ray Liotta (COP LAND), Joseph Fiennes, Gretchen Mol, Vincent Laresca (BAD LIEUTENANT, COP LAND).
Tag-line: "He gave all for love."
Best one-liner: "There's two types of people in the world: assholes and pricks. You're an asshole, I'm a prick. DO THE MATH."

Paul Schrader has earned an off-day. I mean, some mornings that alarm clock is just plain oppressive. You swat at it. You roll outta the wrong side of bed and realize you've got a crick in your neck the size of a small boulder. You're flustered, you skip breakfast, and then you accidentally make FOREVER MINE- whoops!

That's not to say this is a bad movie, it's just the sort of movie that's been made 1,000 times before and will be made 1,000 times again. Love triangle, jealousy, revenge, passion, yadda yadda. The only new things FOREVER MINE brings to the table are a couple of lukewarm performances and Ray Liotta in a swimsuit, which, by the way, thanks for making me chortle and unexpectedly snort some Schlitz down my windpipe and uncontrollably hack and hem away for about thirty-five seconds.

It's not even that it's funny, per sé, it just happens so suddenly.

The weak links are cabana boy Joseph Fiennes and disaffected wife Gretchen Mol who are ‘okay,’ I guess, but they're simply not connected to the material.

It's feeble, feeble melodrama when these two are on screen: "Why?! Why the bird sing so gay? Why does the rain fall from up above? WHY DO YOU STAY IN THIS MARRIAGE?!"


Anyway, a batshit crazy Liotta is the cuckolded hubby, and when he gets pissy, things get interesting. He's the kind of guy who scolds his wife for not participating in a telemarketer's poll, when really she was just lying to cover up the fact that her lover was just on the phone. What a douche.

Liotta + 1970's period piece = Henry Silva?!?

Liotta makes clichéd (but still fun) speeches like: "There's two types of people in the world: assholes and pricks. You're an asshole, I'm a prick. DO THE MATH." This movie also has the most memorable tanning bed torture sequence since KILLER WORKOUT. Bravo. Then again, this thing is prefaced by a real pretentious Walter Pater quote about strangeness and beauty and the romantic character of ‘art.’ More like the romantic character of ‘movies where Liotta giggles like a tinny, coked out little girl.’

And make no mistake- the 'genre of movies where Ray Liotta giggles like a tinny, coked-out little girl' is actually one of my favorite genres.

About three tepid stars, and I can’t believe this was the follow-up to AFFLICTION.

-Sean Gill

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