Film Review: QUIET COOL (1986, Clay Borris)

Stars: 3.9 of 5.
Running Time: 80 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: James Remar (THE WARRIORS, 48 HRS., DEXTER, RENT-A-COP), Daphne Ashbrook (THE O.C.), Chris Mulkey (Hank Jennings on TWIN PEAKS), Nick Cassavetes (FACE/OFF, director of THE NOTEBOOK), Adam Coleman Howard (RIDE ME, DEAD GIRL), Joe Sagal (BARB WIRE, THE HIDDEN).
Tag-line: "A New York Cop. A kid from California. They're caught in the middle of a deadly business. It can get you rich, get you high, or get you dead. QUIET COOL. Where there's smoke...there's fire." That's a mouthful.
Best one-liner: "Oh, boy....I bet this snot-catcher of yours took a long time to grow, huh?"
So you want to see a sweaty, half-naked James Remar aerobicizing to some rockin' tunes? Well, you've come to the wrong place––go check out RENT-A-COP. But, while you're here, do you want to see Remar holding a mustachioed fat man at gunpoint, taking nail scissors, and forcibly trimming the dude's ginormous, bushy whiskers... just to be a dick?

How ‘bout seeing a motorcylin' Remar chasing a roller-skatin' purse snatcher into the subway, back out again, and then grabbing said miscreant by his belt loops and flinging him into the river? Hot damn!

"You have the right to remain–"


"WHOOOOAAAAAAA"

Remar, well-known for playing heavies (THE COTTON CLUB, 48 HRS, etc.) and later for supporting roles on cable TV (SEX & THE CITY, DEXTER), was rarely given the chance to be a leading man. Lucky for us, QUIET COOL affords him such an opportunity. Now, I'm generally rooting for Remar either way, so when he's the good guy, it just saves me the trouble of having to morally compromise myself. Anyway, Remar’s NYPD cop heads to the Pacific Northwest to bust up a ring of brutal pot growers who are causing his ex-girlfriend distress. The villains are immaculately costumed and well-coiffed. They apparently live in the forest and are always lookin' for trouble. Kinda like THE WITCHES OF EASTWICK, we got a snowy blonde, fiery red, and raven-haired trio of tuff guys (including Nick Cassavetes and TWIN PEAKS' Chris Mulkey) who look like they'd be more at home singing back-up vocals for Wham! than brandishing assault rifles in the great outdoors.

Remar's just motorcyclin' through the forest with his l'il buddy, then–


HOT GUYS


CROOZIN'


4 TROUBLE

Taking stylistic cues from Sergio Leone, the 'epic staredowns' take on an entirely different quality in this context, heightening the sexual tension to unthinkable levels. Remar even teams up with an orphaned, junior-league Rambo (Adam Coleman Howard) who’s always gazing longingly at his new father figure.


Remar––and the audience––are initially confused by these advances.

I’ll bet that the director told him to keep thinking intensely about the horror of losing his parents, but instead it translates as an open-ended invitation to his bedroom.


"Hey!"


"What?"


"Eh?"


"Well..."


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