Reindeer Games: Way more than zero.Running Time: 124 minutes (Director's Cut).
Notable Cast or Crew: Directed by John Frankenheimer (THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE, 52 PICK-UP, SECONDS). Written by Ehren Kruger (TRANSFORMERS 2-4, SCREAM 3, THE RING '02). Starring Ben Affleck (MALLRATS, GIGLI), Charlize Theron (MAD MAX: FURY ROAD, CHILDREN OF THE CORN III), Gary Sinise (FORREST GUMP, THE QUICK AND THE DEAD), Clarence Williams III (52 PICK-UP, TWIN PEAKS, PURPLE RAIN), Donal Logue (ER, GLAM, RUNAWAY TRAIN), James Frain (WHERE THE HEART IS, TRUE BLOOD), Isaac Hayes (ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK, TRUCK TURNER), Dennis Farina (CRIME STORY, MIDNIGHT RUN), Ron Jeremy (THE BOONDOCK SAINTS, DETROIT ROCK CITY). Music by Alan Silvestri (BACK TO THE FUTURE, PREDATOR).
Tag-line: "The trap is set. The game is on."
Best one-liner: "When I get in there you better be wearing nothing but a candy cane!"
In a familiar, darkened alleyway:
"It's been a while."
–"Indeed it has."
"What's the deal? Too good to watch a trashterpiece with your old pal?"
–"Well, that's just why I'm here. To wish you a happy holiday... with REINDEER GAMES."
"Dear Lord. Isn't that bottom-of-the-barrel Frankenheimer? He did THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE and SECONDS, for chrissakes. He did THE TRAIN. SEVEN DAYS IN MAY. THE ICEMAN COMETH. How far the mighty fall."
–"I like to think it transcends the barrel. I mean, it's structure is sort of like a Coen Brothers flick in search of a consistent tone. And with a lot of holiday-themed one-liners.
In theory, it's FARGO meets POINT BREAK. In practice, it seems like a slow exercise in torturing Academy Award-winning actors."
"What's it about?"
–"Okay. Hold on to your Santa hat: Ben Affleck plays convicted car thief 'Rudy.' As in Rudolph. As in 'the red-nosed reindeer.' James Frain plays convicted manslaughterer 'Nick.' As in 'Old Saint.'"
"Clever."
–"Quite. So Nick has a pen-pal girlfriend, whom he's never met, played by Charlize Theron."
"Er... what?"
–"The love letters were really compelling, I guess. Anyway, Nick and Rudy are about to be released from prison, but Nick is shivved to death during a prison riot."
"What incites the riot?"
–"Isaac Hayes finds a cockroach in his JELL-O, it's not important."
"Huh?"
–"Just go with it. So Rudy gets released from prison and immediately impersonates Nick so he can sleep with Charlize Theron. It's super creepy, perhaps especially so because of Affleck's perpetual frat boy leer."
"Okay. He's the hero of this piece?"
–"I'm getting to that. So Rudy-fleck thinks he's about to have a quiet Christmas with Charlize when her brother 'Monster,' played by Gary Sinise, bursts in with his gang of gun-running truckers."
"This is a trucker movie?"
–"Sort of. So Nick used to work at a casino, and Gary Sinise wants to use his expertise to rob it. Rudy-fleck has been impersonating Nick, so he finds himself in a dangerous pickle. It's the kind of noir-ish set-up that could be really effective with a schlub or a sad sack at its center, but with Affleck doing his best impersonation of a bullying rich kid (in an '80s movie about a scrappy team of underdogs), you simply find yourself rooting for Gary Sinise. In fact, the whole movie plays better if you imagine it's a sequel to FORREST GUMP, set after Forrest and Lieutenant Dan had a falling out and the latter turned to crime.
The fact that his gang includes the masterful character actor Clarence Williams III and an unusually soulful performance by perpetual heavy Danny Trejo only makes your root for them more."
"Is Danny Trejo reading BUSINESS WEEK?"
–"There's a subplot about how he's going to night school. Don't worry about it. Can I also draw attention to the fact that 'Don't play no reindeer games with me' is one of my all-time favorite lines of dialogue in a motion picture?"
"I think Gary Sinise is actively upset that he has to say that."
–"He sure is. It's far from the only indignity visited upon a member of this cast. Sinise must refer to the sex act as 'getting down her chimney.'
Clarence Williams III has a whole bit about how he loves Christmas cookies:
Former cop and lovable performer Dennis Farina has a monologue about 'S-N-O-fuckin-W, snow!'"
"They really went all in, didn't they?"
–"It ain't DIE HARD, though. Or even BATMAN AND ROBIN.
The good news, however, is that REINDEER GAMES does deliver something in the way of a Christmas present: for those audience members whose greatest wish was to see Affleck have his ass handed to him in a variety of absurd scenarios, it's an embarrassment of riches.
Perhaps none of these scenarios are greater than the following, where Gary Sinise critiques Affleck's value as a scene partner (with a handful of darts).
Apparently, this scene was judged by the MPAA as too intense for an R rating, and therefore only appears in the Director's Cut. I would wager that it's no more damaging than anything in ALF'S SPECIAL CHRISTMAS."
"That's some sad shit, there. The ALF Christmas Special, I mean."
–"See, Charlize Theron, you feel bad for. Whereas, Affleck inspires some primo schadenfreude. But there is something specifically magical about watching Gary Sinise wage war against dignity. The man deserves an award."
–"Sure is. Also, note the '90s double-loop earring on Sinise. It's a nice complement to his existential disappointment. Though he seems to cheer up a little after he and Clarence Williams III get to double-team the following one-liner:
'Tis the season, convict...'
'Ho, ho, ho.'"
"Ho, oh no! Sort of a tragic Christmas tale, then?"–"Well, I did notice in one scene that there's a STREET FIGHTER II pinball machine in the background.
So maybe they got to play with that between takes of flinging darts at Ben Affleck."
"That's nice. Any benediction for us? A Merry Christmas and a happy New Year?"
–"I think this should suffice.
Happy holidays!"
